Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

babyfruitella

Having had a year long affair with a married man, I'd say the chances of him leaving his wife are slim to none existant. I had light bulb moment a year in, & ended it there & then. End it now before you get hurt.

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

That sums it up for me, if they do it once, the propensity is there, the ability is there, the will is there.

What's to say someone who's never done it before wont do it in the future?

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

What's to say someone who's never done it before wont do it in the future?

You can only judge someone on their actions not on what they might do. If they have proved themselves capable of all the subterfuge/lies/deceit that go along with an affair then they could quite easily do it again. They have that mindset.

clearingout

this is why I say the best revenge has always been to keep my mouth shut, refuse to give the other woman an audience when requested (she and my ex have had many serious arguments and she almost always inevitably ends up on my doorstep when they do!) and let her have him! Who on earth wants to be with someone they will never really trust? To have a sinking feeling when they get a phone call 10 minutes after they were due home saying they're stuck in traffic? To feel uncertain when they have contact with their children and therefore their ex, knowing you are nothing other than 'bad' in their eyes? I loved my ex, I trusted him, I believed in those phone calls and the nights away 'working'. I don't want anyone in my life with the capacity to do that. There is no excuse. It's bad manners, rude, deceitful, abusive.

Bogof_Babe

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

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Whilst no doubt there are those people that are 'serial' cheaters not everyone is like that.

I know of people who have cheated and then married the person they had the affair with.They are happy and have no 'void' in them.

You cannot tar everyone with the same brush.

Presumably they were married to the "wrong" person then. When they met the "right" one, they should have divorced their spouse before getting deeply involved with the next one. I wonder how their first partner felt, knowing they had been deceived. Far better to be honest with eachother surely? At least they both have their dignity intact.

Incidentally, what is the general view on couples who have separated but not divorced? I'm not sure myself, but on balance if the original partner is aware that their relationship is over, they won't have the same degree of betrayal, although if the second romance becomes serious it would be polite to tidy it up with a divorce before committing to the new one.

POPPYOSCAR

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Presumably they were married to the "wrong" person then. When they met the "right" one, they should have divorced their spouse before getting deeply involved with the next one. I wonder how their first partner felt, knowing they had been deceived. Far better to be honest with eachother surely? At least they both have their dignity intact.

Incidentally, what is the general view on couples who have separated but not divorced? I'm not sure myself, but on balance if the original partner is aware that their relationship is over, they won't have the same degree of betrayal, although if the second romance becomes serious it would be polite to tidy it up with a divorce before committing to the new one.

I think TBH that debate has been done to death on here.

I was only pointing out that it cannot be said that everyone who has cheated will do it again as they have a 'void' they continually need to fill.People are all different after all.

Interesting question regarding 'affairs' during separation.Technically speaking as you are still married surely you are still breaking the marriage contract?

gonzo127

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Incidentally, what is the general view on couples who have separated but not divorced? I'm not sure myself, but on balance if the original partner is aware that their relationship is over, they won't have the same degree of betrayal, although if the second romance becomes serious it would be polite to tidy it up with a divorce before committing to the new one.

but this is not always possible, my wife's devoice from her ex husband took an ice age to go through, we are talking 2 1/2 years from the serving of papers to get the decree nisi

so for that period of time (baring in mind her husband had left her and their children to be with his other women) should she have not been able to pursue any relationships?

Bogof_Babe

That's awful gonzo. Was her ex being deliberately obstructive? Can't see why he would, as he already had a new partner.

Maybe he didn't want the new partner to put pressure on him to wed!

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

You can only judge someone on their actions not on what they might do. If they have proved themselves capable of all the subterfuge/lies/deceit that go along with an affair then they could quite easily do it again. They have that mindset.

We're not talking about judging, though - you were just talking about whether someone is likely to cheat or not. There is always a first time (and sometimes it's the only time).

Mindset? No, it's a set of circumstances that makes someone cheat, and if that set doesn't crop up again, they wont necessarily cheat again.

gonzo127

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

That's awful gonzo. Was her ex being deliberately obstructive? Can't see why he would, as he already had a new partner.

Maybe he didn't want the new partner to put pressure on him to wed!

scarily no he wasn’t, not particularly anyway, just a few of the normal back and forwards, but to be honest my wife kept it very civil with him for the sake of the kids,

just repeated screw ups all along the way, papers getting lost, judge being ill, judge then deciding they need to discuss some issues for example her ex fully signed over the house to her because she paid off their joint debt but the judge didn’t believe this was right. it really was a soap opera's worth of screw ups