Is my husband an alcoholic?

gonzo127

havent read every post however i am in total agreement with a lot of the posters, next time he drives to the pub phone the police and tell them he will be driving over the limit on the way home and let them nick him,

also as someone else has said, you are staying with him for the children - so what are the children gaining out of this?
their lives being constantly put in danger
constant worry that their dad will end up dead that day due to his drink driving
watching their dad abuse their mum (mentally if not physically)
probably getting abused themselves (once again mentally)
probably the worrys about how to discribe their dad to their friends or what their dad will do if they meet their friends

really what would be better for your children, their parents split up but having one of them being able to be happy, or them staying together and both being constanly unhappy? and i have to say i knwo which i would prefer for my children.

i think one thing that i have remembered which might be worth while thinking about was something one poster has said about their lives (not me) when they finally got the courage to leave their abusive ex and set up home with their kids, one day thery heard their children laughing and at first did not recognise the sound as it had been so long since it had happened, so the question might be,

can you actually remember what your childrens laughs are like? can you remember what your own is like?

Nimeth

Frankly OP, what does his job and the house matter in the big scheme of things once he's maimed/killed someone with his drink driving? Do you really want to wait till it gets to that point?

Perhaps spending a bit of time in the lock-up might be the kick up the jaxi that he needs to sort his sorry self out.

As for your children, yes they might be upset at first but they'll quickly realise how much less stressful it is not having an alcoholic father hanging around drinking himself stupid and throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way. You'll cope. They'll cope, people are often more resiliant than you think.

I totally second Firefox's post about the taxis and if you know or suspect that he will be drink driving, call the police!

jamespir

NearlyHadEnough wrote: »

I know you are all right. I suppose I am a bit taken aback by the strength of the reaction but that's because I've allowed myself to accept that this is the way he is.

He would maintain that he's perfectly capable of driving when he's had 'one or two'. I know I need to tackle him calmly about this but I feel sick just thinking about doing this. What really really galls me is that there is no need for it. The pub is a few minutes walk away. His sister is a few miles away, I would happily drop him off and pick him up.

The thing about driving the next morning is also true - he often heads off on a long drive early on a Monday morning.

What I would say is that it's not that easy to just boot him out (there's no way I'm leaving this house). The kids, whatever I've said, would be devastated, at least the younger two would. The oldest has long since lost all respect for her father and has asked in bafflement why I married him.

Also, getting him done for drink driving would mean him losing his job and probably us losing this house. The children have lived here all their lives. I don't know how we would cope with this.

I know this is a very selfish view, I know I am a coward. I need to take a deep breath and look at what's important.

I'm finding this so hard, finally seeing what's obviously clear to everyone else from an outside standpoint.

so when do you take action when hes killed someone possibly one of your own kids

if he loses his job you wont lose your home straight away their are people that can help

but you cant let this continue his drinking is runing yours and your kids lives

gonzo127

NearlyHadEnough wrote: »

What I would say is that it's not that easy to just boot him out (there's no way I'm leaving this house). The kids, whatever I've said, would be devastated, at least the younger two would. The oldest has long since lost all respect for her father and has asked in bafflement why I married him.

erm have you asked them? you say they are all teenagers yes? well talk to them

my SD is now 14 but from the age of around 12 you could easily ask her things and she knew her own mind. so i very much doubt them having lived with a abusive alcoholic father are likely to be children any longer at least mentally

*doodle*_2

You need to ring the police the next time he gets behind the wheel. It is only a matter of time before an innocent family are woken up to a policeman knocking on their door telling them that your husband has killed or seriously injured a much loved family member.

red_devil

i cant see what you are getting out of the relationship it dosent sound much fun and actually at times very dangerous. Its not your fault he drinks its his. Its easy to blame others?

Does his sister know he drink drives if so what does she think?

I would phone the police next time he does it? Dont leave it until he has knocked someone down in the road.

Tish_P

If he keeps driving drunk he will eventually kill someone. It might be one of your children, it might be someone else's child, it might be me. He should be banned from driving, job or no.

Doooford

Sounds like you've made your mind up already. Plan what you need to do to make it as trouble free as it can be. Then set conditions that he never gets to see the children when he's been drinking.

scottish_lassy

OP, please realise that after all these years of suffering this behaviour, you have actually suffered emotional abuse and will have to dig deep to find your strength (which definately is there, you were strong enough to keep a home going and bring up children thro' all this!)

Realise that most alcoholics are very weak. They blame everyone else for their problems. He will promise the world if he really thinks you are going to take action (and they can be incredibly believable!)

If you can't get angry at what he has done to you over the years, get angry at what he has done to your children. What expectations has he given your children for future relationships? it would break your heart if you saw your child putting up with this from a partner - why should you not deserve better also?

shellsuit

NearlyHadEnough wrote: »

I know you are all right. I suppose I am a bit taken aback by the strength of the reaction but that's because I've allowed myself to accept that this is the way he is.

He would maintain that he's perfectly capable of driving when he's had 'one or two'. I know I need to tackle him calmly about this but I feel sick just thinking about doing this. What really really galls me is that there is no need for it. The pub is a few minutes walk away. His sister is a few miles away, I would happily drop him off and pick him up.

The thing about driving the next morning is also true - he often heads off on a long drive early on a Monday morning.

What I would say is that it's not that easy to just boot him out (there's no way I'm leaving this house). The kids, whatever I've said, would be devastated, at least the younger two would. The oldest has long since lost all respect for her father and has asked in bafflement why I married him.

Also, getting him done for drink driving would mean him losing his job and probably us losing this house. The children have lived here all their lives. I don't know how we would cope with this. I'm sure you would cope with it a lot easier than having a death on your hands! It's a house. That's all. You can always live somewhere else if needs be. Can someone get another life if he ruins theirs in a car accident????

I know this is a very selfish view, I know I am a coward. I need to take a deep breath and look at what's important. It is a very selfish view. Surely the welfare of your kids is the most important thing? How would you feel if they were in an accident with their Dad? How would you feel if he killed someone?

I'm finding this so hard, finally seeing what's obviously clear to everyone else from an outside standpoint.

You need to get your priorities in order.

I can't believe you know he goes around drinking and driving yet do nothing about it.

If he has been drinking then gets in te car, or goes off to the pub and takes the car, ring the Police and report him.

It says a lot about the people in the pub also as someone in there must know he is driving after a skinfull.