Is my husband an alcoholic?

fannyanna

NearlyHadEnough wrote: »

On the worst occasion, he and his sister drank nearly 3 bottles of wine between them. He drove home with our youngest daughter in the car, drove erratically, rolled down the window to rant at someone and generally frightened the life out of her.

I stopped reading at this point. I would never forgive my Husband if he ever did anything like that!

abacus73

NearlyHadEnough wrote: »

On Sundays, he goes to the pub at lunchtime and stays between 2 and 3 hours. He is drunk to the point of slurring when he gets in. He will then drink a beer or two and a bottle of wine before passing out on the couch. I don't remember the last time he spent a Sunday sober.

He often drinks on a Friday night and a Saturday as well. He goes over to see his sister and they will happily knock back a bottle or two of wine together. This is a few miles away and he drives back knowing he's over the limit. He drinks and drives all the time, he doesn't seem to care. I have spent our entire time together trying to stop him from drinking and driving but he still does it and I've given up. He will drive with our children in the car, although he only does this occasionally because I've threatened to report him to the police myself.

On the worst occasion, he and his sister drank nearly 3 bottles of wine between them. He drove home with our youngest daughter in the car, drove erratically, rolled down the window to rant at someone and generally frightened the life out of her.

I'm terrified he'll injure or kill someone on the road. I would never forgive him nor myself.

Yes you do live with an alcoholic and a dangerous one at that. I am going to be very blunt. I dont know where you live, but for all I know you may be in the next village to me so your husbands actions might well be putting me or someone I know at risk.

One day your husbands habit of drinking and driving is going to end in his death. If one of your children is in the car at the same time they will die tragically young too. He might even go the whole hog and rob another innocent family of a much loved relative.

I dont understand that you know this is going on and you have only 'threatened' to call the police so far. You need to put a stop to this before it is too late.

What is your next post title going to be 'How do I live with my husband killing someone' or 'Newly single need some financial advice'

fluffpot

Sorry to hear about your worries. Your husband has a drink problem and needs help. However, only he can ask for and receive this help. You can't do it for him. You may find it helpful to get some advice for yourself from AlAnon - this is for the families of alcoholics not the problem person themselves - (this is AA should he chose to take this route). Don't struggle on, on your own.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk

Best of luck

jim22

Its the drink driving that would worry me most.

Zoetoes

Sounds to be dependent on alcohol, he needs help but you can't force him to get it, he has to want to.

What you can do is remove yourself and your children from the situation for all your safety, maybe once he's lost his family he will want to get help.

NearlyHadEnough

Thank you everyone for your replies. I am in tears writing this so I need to go off and compose myself.

I know you are all right. I know it could be YOUR children he might kill or maim, or your husband/wife/loved one. This is what terrifies me, it's what's always terrified me.

Perhaps I've not been putting up with this for the sake of the children. Perhaps I'm just a coward, plain and simple. I don't want to face trying to sort all this out.

I suppose my excuse is being repeatedly told that it's all my fault, I'm a nag and he doesn't drink too much. But no, that's not an excuse. I'm an idiot.

If he ever harmed a hair on my children's heads, or indeed any child's head, I don't think I could live with myself. So why do I keep letting it go unchallenged. Perhaps it's the years of challenging it and not getting anything except abuse.

I'll be back when I've calmed myself down a bit. But thanks everyone for spelling things out so clearly.

Pee

"alchoholic" is a label. I'm not sure it's constructive. My ex had such a problem with drink he was always over the drink drive limit in my opinion, even first thing in the morning and he was drunk to the point of passing out by about 5 pm when I got home from work. It's not because he was an alcoholic that I decided I had to leave, it was that it was unbearable for me to stay.

It doesn't sound like you have a good marriage and whether that is because of what you do or what he does, doesn't matter. There is usually an element of both, it's usually more empowering to accept there are elements of both.

I would look at what will happen if you leave and how the children will feel about this, so that you can prepare properly and make it as easy as possible.

Emmzi

I don't think you have nearly had enough, I think you have had enough. I think you have mentally made uo your mind and you need a hand getting your heart there.

There is loads of support and practical advice waiting for you when you are ready. Just say when.

alyth

you obviously hit a point tonight where you wanted to "talk" to someone about this. Speaking as someone who enjoys more than a glass of wine or two, could it be that your husband is drinking to hide issues he feels he can't share with you? In the area that I live in, which is thankfully very rural, drinking and driving is indemic, unfortunately, usually farmers in their tractors going to the pub, parking outside then driving home! But I did read your post earlier and have come back to it, having thought about you for a while.

You're not an idiot, far from it. You've dealt with your situation to the best that you could, but I suspect something has happened to make you post this thread. I feel for your children. As a child my mother had a slight issue with drink, my father worked abroad and she was stuck at home with 2 children in her 20s, and I remember even aged 40 a night when they'd gone out to a dance or something and hearing my mother vomitting in the toilet, and my dad helping her. So believe me when I say that your children are terribly affected by what is happening in your house.

Good luck. Only you know what you can do. I do remember reading somewhere that a parent had to be selfish in looking after themselves first, because only by the parent being in total self control then they could then deal with any child issues. Just read that back and it doesn't make sense, but I know what I am trying to say!

Anyway hugs, try and look for support in the real world to your problem, I sort of think tonight you were posting for confirmation of a decision you've made in your mind, help is out there, take it, and good luck for the future.

tankgirl1

Awww honey. I agree with all the other posts - for your own sanity you need to get out!

For the safety of your children, and anyone walking or driving when he has had a few - you need to let the police know.

Easier said than done I know - do you have somewhere you and the kids could go to? Parents, family?

If not then is there a womens refuge in your area?

DO NOT worry about the financial aspects at the moment - money, debts etc - pfft! That can all be sorted in time, and you WILL cope.

Right now, you need to get you and your kids out of a dangerous situation, and take steps to prevent him causing harm to anyone else.

Best of luck hunny - it will be hard, but there will be tons and tons of people out there to help you! You have made a good start by posting on here. I would demand an emergency CAB or GP appt as the next step

xxxx