Is my husband an alcoholic?

*Louise*

Well OP, I'm glad this thread has been a wake up call for you and it hasn't taken organising the funeral of one of your children to force you to make a change.

I know that sounds harsh but let's face it - that's what could happen. I can't believe you have let it happen so many times, it says a lot for the power he has over you

If I had a husband who drank and drove with my kids in the car even ONCE he would not have been getting in the house at the end of the journey.

Next time he takes the car to the pub with him - PHONE THE POLICE and let them know his details. You have had your wake up call, it's the only way he is going to get his.

I am sorry, you sound bullied and beaten down by him tbh but you need to find some strength and make that stand. Thankfully it sounds like you want to do that now :T


Ps - You say you stay with him for the children? What exactly are they gaining from this arrangement? Doesn't sound like much.

Oh, and I would advise the kids to NEVER get in the car with him, sber or not. He can't be trusted, and it will save them having to confront him. What a sad thing to have to deal with at their ages

I really hope you get things sorted xxx

ashaput

Leave him. Seems like he only cares about himself. He is a father of 3 children and could drive with a daughter without thinking the bad side of doing so? Give me a break.

Janezhang

If I were you, I would leave him years ago. Don't you think it is an extreme agony of being scared all the day when he drives your children having been drinking？ It is even worse to your children.

CH27

Contact Women's Aid for advice & support.
Contact Alcoholics Anonymous for support.

Next time you now he will be drink driving contact the police with his car reg. They will act.

gratefulforhelp_2

OP feeling guilty is pointless, you can't "drive someone to drink" he always had the option of talking to you about his issues, seeing a counsellor or, ultimately,leaving.

If you can't stop the kids going in the car with him, then you need to take steps to stop him driving altogether, unless he stops drinking. As someone who has seen quite a lot of dependent drinking, IMHO it definitely is the first drink that's the problem.

Also think about early morning driving - a bottle of wine means 8, 10, even 12 units - to metabolise that lot at about an hour a unit - takes more than all night.

jamespir

not sure what deems somone alcholic but hes a prat and the only way hes gonna be cured is for you to do something about you say he drinks and drives and sometimes with the kids in the car how can you just stand back and let this go on YOU NEED TO CALL THE POLICE

sashadesade

How about telling your kids to never get in a car with him ever, under any circumstances? They're old enough to get public transport, and it's a heck of alot safer. Also, if this was my husband I would report him to the police. If someone was killed because of his drunk driving I couldn't live with knowing that I'd sat back and done nothing about it.

You say you only stay with him for the sake of the kids, but I think they'd be much better off away from him. Do they think it's normal behaviour to get totally leathered and jump in a car?

CH27

I'd find a really gory clip on the internet of the aftermath of a drin drive crash.
Show the children & ask is that how they want to end up.

*onlyme*

As someone that was walking on the pavement as an innocent 13 year old, and was run over by a drink driver (hit and run, but got caught) I beg you to report him to the police next time he gets in the car when having had a drink.

24 years later, I still have the physical and mental scars of the accident.

I am sorry to sound harsh but you would be as much at fault as he is, if he ever had an accident. Could you live with that?

NearlyHadEnough

I know you are all right. I suppose I am a bit taken aback by the strength of the reaction but that's because I've allowed myself to accept that this is the way he is.

He would maintain that he's perfectly capable of driving when he's had 'one or two'. I know I need to tackle him calmly about this but I feel sick just thinking about doing this. What really really galls me is that there is no need for it. The pub is a few minutes walk away. His sister is a few miles away, I would happily drop him off and pick him up.

The thing about driving the next morning is also true - he often heads off on a long drive early on a Monday morning.

What I would say is that it's not that easy to just boot him out (there's no way I'm leaving this house). The kids, whatever I've said, would be devastated, at least the younger two would. The oldest has long since lost all respect for her father and has asked in bafflement why I married him.

Also, getting him done for drink driving would mean him losing his job and probably us losing this house. The children have lived here all their lives. I don't know how we would cope with this.

I know this is a very selfish view, I know I am a coward. I need to take a deep breath and look at what's important.

I'm finding this so hard, finally seeing what's obviously clear to everyone else from an outside standpoint.