Are these what you would call red flags or warning signs?

Miss_Scrooge_2

Okay, I believed this thread at first but after reading the next segment, I'm pretty sure the OP is taking the !!!! now.

"He said he will not rape me or force me to do anything against my will because he is a parent (he has kids from an earlier relationship) and therefore could not afford a rape case on his record. He also said that "even if the woman is so aroused that I can smell her aroma, I will not force myself on her in any way. Even if you ask me for sex I will not do it yet." That entire conversation REALLY scared me."

Yeah, no one would ever say that. And even if they did, you wouldn't then ask for advice that would be obvious to anyone with a brain. Wake up people.

QuantumSuccess

Miss_Scrooge wrote: »

Okay, I believed this thread at first but after reading the next segment, I'm pretty sure the OP is taking the !!!! now.

"He said he will not rape me or force me to do anything against my will because he is a parent (he has kids from an earlier relationship) and therefore could not afford a rape case on his record. He also said that "even if the woman is so aroused that I can smell her aroma, I will not force myself on her in any way. Even if you ask me for sex I will not do it yet." That entire conversation REALLY scared me."

Yeah, no one would ever say that. And even if they did, you wouldn't then ask for advice that would be obvious to anyone with a brain. Wake up people.

While you are welcome to your opinion - you are also wrong

QuantumSuccess

Nimeth wrote: »

Haven't you already told him to leave you alone and that he is not to contact you again? If so, do you have a record of it? If not, send a short, terse email saying exactly that "I do not wish to see you again, do not contact me again". Save it for records later if you need them.

After that I strongly advise that you ignore everything he sends you, emails, texts, etc. Do not respond to him as all too often contact, any sort of contact, usually just eggs them on. Given what you've posted about him, I'd bet he'll see any sort of further response, even if it's you telling him to f off, to his missives as 'oh she really doesn't want that, she's just being a tease' and he'll be at your door again wanting to talk about it. Of course, log all such visits, keep records of texts and emails for the police as it will constitute harassment.

I have said things like "I don't want to have a relationship with you" and "I don't want you to come over" but that is not the same as assertively telling him never to contact me again.

I am definitely learning a powerful lesson from this thread about my rights and so on and also just quite how abnormal this man's actions are

hollydays

QuantumSuccess wrote: »

Yes.

He keeps on twisting it and whenever I raise these red flag issues (the talk of rape, his nasty comments about his previous partners and about women in general, etc) he just says: "Don't you realize I am joking?" He says this every time and it has become like a sort of mind game. It reached a point where when he is on the phone I have to jot down what he is saying word for word as a record for myself because otherwise he will categorically deny he said it at a later date.


What you are describing is called "gaslighting", a classic tactic of an abuser,which he very clearly is.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/messages.asp?topicid=12841&section=00010001000800210001
see this page from womens aid
and this

see the bit nearer the bottom "twisted reality"
http://survivorquotes.bravehost.com/gaslight.html
having or trying to have a conversation with a person like this.




Notice how you are starting to doubt your own judgement,and writing things down?

dom300186

i am mixed raced and all i will say is becareful with this man!x most black men i have known even my dad who i dont see anymore it was never his fault it was my mums fault asking where he was when she was 8 months preganant with me and beat her to a pulp and went into early labour, im not saying every black man is the same but a shady black man has something to hide and stay clear of it.
I can see a nasty side to this man and what hes saying is he is blamming all the women for his failed relationships hmmmmmmmmmm? you dont want to be looking over your shoulder every 5 secs hunnixxxx

jamespir

he seems odd and somewhat racist too

K,A+P_2

I had a nasty experience with a black man once. I used to work in a bar and I was walking to work one night on new year's eve - a black man walked past me, going in the opposite direction.

He smiled at me and said hi, so me being friendly and polite, said "hello" back. Stupid of me really, all they are looking for is just ONE response and it almost gives them "permission" to "prey" on you. He started walking alongside me and asked me questions about where I was going and if I'd like some company. I told him I was on my way to work. Then he asked if I had a boyfriend, I didn't, but I told him I did - made no difference whatsoever.

He then put his arm round my shoulder and his hand around my neck. I was petrified. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he squeezed my neck really hard. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Eventually (I only had a short distance to walk from where he started talking to me) I stood in front of the doors of the bar and signaled to the bouncer that I was in trouble and he grabbed me and got me in the door. I had a lucky escape!

I was talking to a girl about it later on that night and she said that this is how certain black men "get their women" - through brute force. They see women as possessions for them to take and manipulate as they please and they absolutely will NOT take no for an answer - if you've given them any reason to think you're interested to begin with.

I could tell straight away that the man you've told us about is EXACTLY like the guy I was unfortunate enough to bump into and like everyone else has said - you need to stop ALL contact with him and don't do anything to provoke him. He will take ANY response from you as permission for him to carry on this behaviour and he will keep plaguing you for a response till he gets one. DON'T give him it!

Definitely a good idea to let the police and real life friends/family know what's going on.

I wish I'd just walked past that man and ignored him completely - he'd more than likely have carried on walking in the opposite direction.

Best of luck x

hollydays

This isn't a race issue,its an abuse issue.

QuantumSuccess

K,A+P wrote: »

I had a nasty experience with a black man once. I used to work in a bar and I was walking to work one night on new year's eve - a black man walked past me, going in the opposite direction.

He smiled at me and said hi, so me being friendly and polite, said "hello" back. Stupid of me really, all they are looking for is just ONE response and it almost gives them "permission" to "prey" on you. He started walking alongside me and asked me questions about where I was going and if I'd like some company. I told him I was on my way to work. Then he asked if I had a boyfriend, I didn't, but I told him I did - made no difference whatsoever.

He then put his arm round my shoulder and his hand around my neck. I was petrified. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he squeezed my neck really hard. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Eventually (I only had a short distance to walk from where he started talking to me) I stood in front of the doors of the bar and signaled to the bouncer that I was in trouble and he grabbed me and got me in the door. I had a lucky escape!

I was talking to a girl about it later on that night and she said that this is how certain black men "get their women" - through brute force. They see women as possessions for them to take and manipulate as they please and they absolutely will NOT take no for an answer - if you've given them any reason to think you're interested to begin with.

I could tell straight away that the man you've told us about is EXACTLY like the guy I was unfortunate enough to bump into and like everyone else has said - you need to stop ALL contact with him and don't do anything to provoke him. He will take ANY response from you as permission for him to carry on this behaviour and he will keep plaguing you for a response till he gets one. DON'T give him it!

Definitely a good idea to let the police and real life friends/family know what's going on.

I wish I'd just walked past that man and ignored him completely - he'd more than likely have carried on walking in the opposite direction.

Best of luck x

Clearly the guy I've posted about and the guy who approached you are weirdos. But surely that doesn't mean all or most black men are weird?

MissMotivation

K,A+P wrote: »

I had a nasty experience with a black man once. I used to work in a bar and I was walking to work one night on new year's eve - a black man walked past me, going in the opposite direction.

He smiled at me and said hi, so me being friendly and polite, said "hello" back. Stupid of me really, all they are looking for is just ONE response and it almost gives them "permission" to "prey" on you. He started walking alongside me and asked me questions about where I was going and if I'd like some company. I told him I was on my way to work. Then he asked if I had a boyfriend, I didn't, but I told him I did - made no difference whatsoever.

He then put his arm round my shoulder and his hand around my neck. I was petrified. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he squeezed my neck really hard. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Eventually (I only had a short distance to walk from where he started talking to me) I stood in front of the doors of the bar and signaled to the bouncer that I was in trouble and he grabbed me and got me in the door. I had a lucky escape!

I was talking to a girl about it later on that night and she said that this is how certain black men "get their women" - through brute force. They see women as possessions for them to take and manipulate as they please and they absolutely will NOT take no for an answer - if you've given them any reason to think you're interested to begin with.

I could tell straight away that the man you've told us about is EXACTLY like the guy I was unfortunate enough to bump into and like everyone else has said - you need to stop ALL contact with him and don't do anything to provoke him. He will take ANY response from you as permission for him to carry on this behaviour and he will keep plaguing you for a response till he gets one. DON'T give him it!

Definitely a good idea to let the police and real life friends/family know what's going on.

I wish I'd just walked past that man and ignored him completely - he'd more than likely have carried on walking in the opposite direction.

Best of luck x

What a load of racist twaddle!!!