Are these what you would call red flags or warning signs?

PoorCharleyBear

QuantumSuccess wrote: »

Unfortunately he does know where I live.

My gut instinct is that he is potentially dangerous. I sincerely hopeI am wrong.

(:(

The best single piece of advice I was ever given was 'TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS ALWAYS'.
Animals rely on instinct to protect them from danger, we humans think we are more sophisticated and try to let logic help.
The self defence guys who told my group this, said : do you really want to hang around and find out if your instincts are right or wrong, and then be able to say 'I always had a bad feeling' ?

Ignore him/tell him your last boyfriend is back in your life/ you realise you prefer women/ you are becoming a nun/ you are emigrating.... anything and get him away. He sounds as scary as hell.

alyth

I've followed this thread with interest, and now i can tell you why. About 4 months ago I met a guy on line, and from the first initial meeting this guy was so intense. At the time I didn't really click, like the OP I've not had a great experience at relationships, last one ended 3 years ago after 15 years, and have been concentrating on my studying a lot of the time. However, I dipped my toe into the dating market, and I can totally empathise with the OP in not knowing the warning signs. Some of us are perhaps not as streetwise as some of you!

Ultimately this guy I was seeing scared me so much and by that I mean not physically, more mentally and emotionally, I have a definitive game plan that I am working towards, and he would mention things like coming somewhere with me (abroad) or he would suddenly appear at my cottage (I live in the middle of nowhere). Reading through these posts again, and as I say I have followed this with interest, the guy I was seeing shows some of the same "symptoms" if I can use that word as the guy the OP was seeing - and my guy was a 52 year old man!

There are a lot of very needy men out there, in the same way I suppose there are a lot of needy women. I trusted my instincts on this guy 4 months ago and the red flag was up even then. there is another thread on this board about how someone is struggling to trust after a relationship break up, and I can also empathise with that. I doubt I can ever trust again, I've foraged into the dating world, and been horrified at how men behave nowadays, I'm not tarring them all with the same brush, but and I'm sure the OP will agree with me, there are some very very strange people out there.

I'm sticking to the dogs and the books from now on!

QuantumSuccess

alyth wrote: »

I've followed this thread with interest, and now i can tell you why. About 4 months ago I met a guy on line, and from the first initial meeting this guy was so intense. At the time I didn't really click, like the OP I've not had a great experience at relationships, last one ended 3 years ago after 15 years, and have been concentrating on my studying a lot of the time. However, I dipped my toe into the dating market, and I can totally empathise with the OP in not knowing the warning signs. Some of us are perhaps not as streetwise as some of you!

Ultimately this guy I was seeing scared me so much and by that I mean not physically, more mentally and emotionally, I have a definitive game plan that I am working towards, and he would mention things like coming somewhere with me (abroad) or he would suddenly appear at my cottage (I live in the middle of nowhere). Reading through these posts again, and as I say I have followed this with interest, the guy I was seeing shows some of the same "symptoms" if I can use that word as the guy the OP was seeing - and my guy was a 52 year old man!

There are a lot of very needy men out there, in the same way I suppose there are a lot of needy women. I trusted my instincts on this guy 4 months ago and the red flag was up even then. there is another thread on this board about how someone is struggling to trust after a relationship break up, and I can also empathise with that. I doubt I can ever trust again, I've foraged into the dating world, and been horrified at how men behave nowadays, I'm not tarring them all with the same brush, but and I'm sure the OP will agree with me, there are some very very strange people out there.

I'm sticking to the dogs and the books from now on!

Thank you for posting! What happened with your guy in the end? How did he react when you ended things with him?

QuantumSuccess

DitaVonTee wrote: »

OP I hope you've flushed this turd from you're life, you CAN do so much better than this. I hope you are okay. x

Yes I have and it feels wonderful! What a relief:D xx

NickyBat

Have lost track of the date, has he not been in touch for a while now?

mazinmouse

alyth wrote: »

... I've foraged into the dating world...

When you forage in the dating world you're bound to find a few nuts in the hedgerows.:)

Trust your instincts every time.

alyth

QuantumSuccess wrote: »

Thank you for posting! What happened with your guy in the end? How did he react when you ended things with him?

for the last month or so I'd had to keep telling him to back off, he would just appear at my house, and I live miles out in the sticks, but the final straw was when he came up to my house when I wasn't here and left stuff outside for me. I had a barrage of texts whilst at work yesterday and just sent him one last night saying please don't contact me again - I got a reply back saying good luck with your life, and that's been it so far. Unfortunately I doubt it's going to be the end of it. I actually love being on my own, I have fantastic friends and family. Every time I said I was doing something with my friends, or was planning something for the future, he wanted to be invovled - he was even talking about retiring and coming to China with me!

QuantumSuccess

NickyBat wrote: »

Have lost track of the date, has he not been in touch for a while now?

You mean my one? It's been a week I think. Thank God and good riddance:beer:

NickyBat

QuantumSuccess wrote: »

You mean my one? It's been a week I think. Thank God and good riddance:beer:

Yeah, think you had a close shave there ! :eek:

squidge60

Going by some of your previous posts i wouldnt say you were that naive would you :rotfl: