Are these what you would call red flags or warning signs?

QuantumSuccess

CH27 wrote: »

So have you emailed him & told him not to contact you again?

Yes I have. And in his reply he actually admitted he had realized I wasn't interested in him!!!!!!

CH27

QuantumSuccess wrote: »

Yes I have. And in his reply he actually admitted he had realized I wasn't interested in him!!!!!!

You've had a lucky escape.

QuantumSuccess

CH27 wrote: »

You've had a lucky escape.

The exact wording in his reply was:

"I thought you were not interested anyway.
Best of luck."
:beer:

Li0nhead

QuantumSuccess wrote: »

Yes it did strike me as horribly forward. I actually told him I found him too forward but he turned it around and actually boasted about how forward he is ("Yes I am very forward! Haha").

Another thing that bothered me was even after I explained to him I need to take things slow and that I wouldn't be having sex with him just yet just one or two days later he texted me to arrange details for a date and he included the words, "Just make sure you are super wet for me on Saturday evening." :( When I had a go at him about this and tried to cancel that particular date this is when he came out with his awful lines about he wouldn't rape me because he couldn't afford a rape scandal on his record. It was at this point that I really, really knew he was bad news/a predator. I avoided seeing him again ever since that moment although I did speak to him on the phone several more times after that. All that has finished now.

Bu then when I posted on here some people said they will actually sleep with a new guy on the 2nd or 3rd date so I began to think 'maybe this forwardness is normal?'

Well sounds a bit mental if he saying "Will not rape as i cannot have that on my record" where as any normal man would say "Will not rape as its sickening and just totally wrong".

As for when to start sleeping together. Ever relationship finds its own way. If someone is looking for sex first of all then it can happen on the 1st or second meet. Where as some may choose not to have sex before marriage. Every situation is different.

QuantumSuccess

Li0nhead wrote: »

Well sounds a bit mental if he saying "Will not rape as i cannot have that on my record" where as any normal man would say "Will not rape as its sickening and just totally wrong".

As for when to start sleeping together. Ever relationship finds its own way. If someone is looking for sex first of all then it can happen on the 1st or second meet. Where as some may choose not to have sex before marriage. Every situation is different.

Yes I had a go at him about that. I said, "Well I would hope you wouldn't rape somebody because rape is disgusting and you're a decent person, not just because you don't want a criminal record." His reply was along the lines of: "See! You take everything so seriously and you can't take a joke." This was pretty much the line he came out with whenever I questioned his dodgy comments....

QuantumSuccess

anyhow I'm trying to learn from this experience. To use him as a What Not To Accept when it comes to dating. He is like a living, breathing Red Flag....

Saturnalia

QuantumSuccess wrote: »

Yes I had a go at him about that. I said, "Well I would hope you wouldn't rape somebody because rape is disgusting and you're a decent person, not just because you don't want a criminal record." His reply was along the lines of: "See! You take everything so seriously and you can't take a joke." This was pretty much the line he came out with whenever I questioned his dodgy comments....

Yep, sadly too common a tactic among strange men (whatever their race or background). Make an utterly unreasonable comment and when you pull them up on it, it was "a joke" & you're of course the silly hysterical female who can't take or understand a joke, they get moody and make out it is you who has the problem...

Very lucky escape you have had. Let's hope he gets the message and stays away from you. Keep strong, there is much better out there. (In fact, single is better than this so you were already in a better position from the minute you told him to hop it!)

DitaVonTee

K,A+P wrote: »

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, (but I'm not someone who worries or takes notice of the political correctness of what I'm saying, sorry about that!) some men from some parts of the world have different ways of "obtaining" a woman they're interested in. Some are more forceful than others, it's a cultural thing and I suppose in some societies where women aren't equal to men, they aren't given as much respect and are seen more as possessions. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

What a load of nonsical twaddle if I ever heard any!

My first husband was white, explained briefly about him in a previous thread, he was abusive, manipulating, possessive and violent. I got out.

Few years down the line I met my now husband who is black (I am white) he works hard, dotes on our children and worships the ground I walk on, he's respectful to me, a brilliant dad and has been my rock when I have needed him - we are equal.

I am not seen as a possession, never have been, I go out when I want and he happily spends the night with our children, he don't mind cleaning the house, cooking, ironing, washing he does the LOT.

I consider myself blessed and very lucky to have him and it's threads with posts on them like these that make me want to scream, my hubby is an absolute angel, never raised a fist in anger to me and never ever would, he's extremely respectful to all he meets and it's opinions like this that make the GOOD ones sound so bad.

I've found white men to be just as abusive, if not more and yes I've had relationships with them too (I even married one which made me wish I'd never bothered).

OP I hope you've flushed this turd from you're life, you CAN do so much better than this. I hope you are okay. x

dark_lady

Been following this thread with interest as i have an Italian mother and a British father and i know what some posters mean by cultural differences. Boys are worshipped while girls are seen as second class citezens.
My hubby was sent an interesting e mail by a friend of his today. (They are always talking about all sorts of stuff political mainly.

Women Who Know Their Place.

Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime this custom was still in practice.
Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked "Why do you seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?

The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes and without hesitation said "Land mines"

Moral of the story is no matter what language you speak or where you go
BEHIND EVERY MAN THERE IS A SMART WOMAN.

kezzygirl

dark_lady wrote: »

Been following this thread with interest as i have an Italian mother and a British father and i know what some posters mean by cultural differences. Boys are worshipped while girls are seen as second class citezens.
My hubby was sent an interesting e mail by a friend of his today. (They are always talking about all sorts of stuff political mainly.

Women Who Know Their Place.

Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime this custom was still in practice.
Ms Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked "Why do you seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?

The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes and without hesitation said "Land mines"

Moral of the story is no matter what language you speak or where you go
BEHIND EVERY MAN THERE IS A SMART WOMAN.

Lol love that!