domestic violence

jamespir

as a victim of domestic abuse i think youre scum you didnt even have the balls to man up and tell the truth to the police youre a coward plain and simple

i think fair play to your partner for leaving and calling the police

wannabe_sybil

You did not hit, hurt, damage and injure Nicola because you had been drinking. You caused Nicola injury because of a reason that is nothing to do with drink. Nicola ended up bleeding because of a reason that was acted on as drink loosed the restraints.

The obvious trigger is Nicola was not making you the centre of Nicola's world. Why couldn't Nicola talk to anyone she wanted?

The answer is not important to me, but the answer is very important to you and Nicola.

I also think that the relationship is damaged beyond repair. However I hope that all works out well for you.

rachbc

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

You did not hit, hurt, damage and injure Nicola because you had been drinking. You caused Nicola injury because of a reason that is nothing to do with drink. Nicola ended up bleeding because of a reason that was acted on as drink loosed the restraints.

The obvious trigger is Nicola was not making you the centre of Nicola's world. Why couldn't Nicola talk to anyone she wanted?

The answer is not important to me, but the answer is very important to you and Nicola.

I also think that the relationship is damaged beyond repair. However I hope that all works out well for you.

why couldn't johnny go on holiday with his mates without this being dragged up form 6 months ago and used against him? That might be an important issue in their relationship too don't you think?

mikey72

rachbc wrote: »

why couldn't johnny go on holiday with his mates without this being dragged up form 6 months ago and used against him? That might be an important issue in their relationship too don't you think?

I was thinking the same thing here.
When you re read it, it seems both sides are similar, both have a tendency to take a swing, perhaps both need to be taking anger management, and perhaps some relationship counselling.

ska_lover

John/3v3,
Now you will see why my question has relevance, as it helps folk understand the situation in full.

johnnicola

jamespir,if thats what you think of me fair enough,but im doing this for a reason to get help and i am.i made a mistake and it wont happen again i promise you.
rachbc thanks for the words of encouragement thats really appreiciated.
3v3 you have given some good input to this thread and not just against me even though im in the wrong.
just trying now everyday to be a better person in everything im doing.
keep the thread going with good/bad points with which i deserve

dark_lady

rachbc wrote: »

why couldn't johnny go on holiday with his mates without this being dragged up form 6 months ago and used against him? That might be an important issue in their relationship too don't you think?

If you didnt like Nicola talking to people you dont know i also take it that you also wouldnt have liked Nicola going on a girls holiday for three days like you did because then she would have been talking to people you dont know wouldnt she? Would she have been able to go on holiday without you at all?
Because if not i can see why she objected to you going.

johnnicola

my original thread in which i put she was talking to people i did not know bares no relevance to what happened.it could have been our best friends.so that argument your putting up is wrong.if it was true i would say yes but it does not.also i never said either i dont like her talking to people i dont know?????
Regards nicola going on holiday with her friends i have said yes and there is not a problem with her going if she wanted too.that would be double standards if i went and she could not,im not like that,sorry to disappoint!!!
I just want to become a better person and writing on this thread as made me realise a few things also

3v3

John, I'm going to say something which I don't think you will like, but I think you may appreciate the reasoning behind:

If Nicola could report you to the Police (for something which happened months before) on the basis that you went away for a few days and she didn't want to you to do that; do be aware that the fact she wanted to text with you via her friend, knowing that is against your bail conditions, is putting you in a very vulnerable position right now.

What is to stop her from becoming upset over something you do/say, don't do/say, through these texts and then reporting to the Police that you have broken your bail conditions? You need to think very carefully about how that could alter any outcome with regard to the legal aspect of your scenario. People can be fickle, as you already know. How do you think she would respond if you suggested that you want to work things out with her, but you need to honour your bail conditions and contact should resume after the court case? How would she react if you asked that she respects the conditions you are under?

Domestic violence isn't simply about hitting someone; it is about "power games"; I just think she knows she can pull your strings and I'm not sure that she reacts well to not getting what she wants?

Hopefully, you have supportive family and friends who are also giving you advice.

In all other regards, I think you are doing absolutely the right thing to move forward with your personal journey; you've taken quite a bit of stick on here and you've taken it on the chin and still kept posting (I respect and admire that!) but that one little detail just rings warning bells in my ear. Ofcourse, you know her far better than us and only you can weigh up the risk factor.

johnnicola

3v3,i agree with what you say.i am talking to her friend so not breaking any bail conditions??the police said no problem in me talking to her friend at all!!
I just want to sort this out with or without nicola(which i dont want).i just want to become a better person so im getting all the help i can get!!