domestic violence

3v3

sassyblue wrote: »

You shouldn't be drinking and driving AT ALL.. .

At this moment in time, the law states that you can have a drink, and drive, just so long as you are below a particular limit. That "limit" is dependant on a number of factors: e.g. age, capacity/tolerance/gender.

Violetta_2

Strange how some posters are so anti violence but are keen to use violence themselves against the OP- yeah that will make everything better.
It must have been so hard asking for help OP, if alcohol is a trigger give it up, it's not worth it.
Another thing, you have to do this for yourself, to make YOU a better person, not just to get Nicola back. Good luck, it won't be easy.

johnnicola

thank you for all your further posts!!

nicola and i generally have a good relationship,she tells me she so relaxed with me but this happened which i am not proud of at all.i accept whatever happens in court i will take like a man.i need to change as a person and i WILL.
at the moment nicola and i are talking through a third party by texts due to bail conditions.so everybody knows i have been charged with section 47 assault.which means abh!!i wont ever have a drink and even drink shandy now.i need nicolas help too in my recovery from what i have done!!!3v3 thanks for your post....thought it was me at first but you brought some sanity back to this trauma i am going through!!MOST IMPORTANT I AM DOING THIS FOR MYSELF TO MAKE MYSELF A BETTER PERSON.i accepted what i am and dont want to be that person anymore

Gordon_Hose

Unfortunately Nicola should have no hand in your recovery, it's going to be something you have to do alone. It's going to be hard, but only you can change.

Also, I'd stop communicating with her completely. Breaking your bail conditions isn't looked upon favourably, especially where domestic violence is concerned. ABH is about as serious as it gets, and you don't want to fuel the flames by breaching bail conditions.

Snuggles

3v3 wrote: »

At this moment in time, the law states that you can have a drink, and drive, just so long as you are below a particular limit. That "limit" is dependant on a number of factors: e.g. age, capacity/tolerance/gender.

You have accused others on this thread of twisting or sensationalising the OPs words and making assumptions, but you are just as guilty of trying to put your own "spin" on this. Crucially, you seem to have missed (or turned a blind eye) to the part of the OPs original post, where he says he became annoyed waiting in the car for his GF because he had had a drink and didn't want to be stopped by the police "for obvious reasons". Now, I think most sensible people would interpret this to mean that the OP himself knew he was likely to be over the limit. Not sure why you want to defend that.

In another post you say you don't think the GF is brave because she's waited months to report this. You have made a lot of assumptions about what her motives might be, just as others have made assumptions about the OP and his behaviour.

This is an open forum and if you want to pick apart every point that other posters make, you're perfectly entitled to do so, but it does rather weaken the validity of your argument when you can't seem to apply the same rigour to your own way of thinking

Gordon_Hose

The irony and hypocrasy in this thread is beyond a joke. Rather than having a pop at each other, why don't we just stay on topic. The guy has admitted his failing's and (hopefully) wants to get it sorted.

So if anyone wants to help out, then stick around. If you want to have a b*tch fight, go elsewhere.

johnnicola

Gordon i agree with your post but this is society in general.you get varied opinion which is good i think.you get a good reflection of what peoples opinion are of this thread and me

Gordon_Hose

I think it's pretty obvious what peoples opinion of DV is really lol

It's just the pointless sniping at each other without actually offering any constructive input into a thread that's annoying.

thorsoak

Johnnicola - I have three sons - all grown up - and I'm going to post as if I were talking to any one of them (heaven forbid that I ever have to have such a correspondence).

You have to face the facts of what actually happened in the first place "i was getting annoyed because i had,had a drink so did not want to get stopped by police for obvious reasons.when she got in car i went mad at her.whilst driving i started shouting at her she shouted back at me then she shoved me so i went mad and swung out and hit her once in the face/nose area then she hit me so i did same again but this time i broke her nose and she had blood all over her face by the time we got home and realised what i done i felt so ashamed of myself.i cleaned her up best i could then she went to sleep.

You've had another altercation "fast forward six months-we have fell out because of something else i done so she reported me to the police for this incident six months previous.

This altercation has been enough for her to go to the police about the first incident - and what did you do then? when i went to police station i panicked and did not tell the truth with which i am ashamed,really ashamed.

Eventually you 'fessed up on friday i am going to go back to the police station to tell them the truth of what really happened -or have you?

In another post, you say that you didn't drink a lot i did not have loads to drink had some shandy and lager so around 5 pints in total - but that was sufficient for you to lose your self-control. Does that not suggest to you that you have a low alcohol tolerance? That you should not drink - maybe at all? It most certainly does to me!

You feel that nicola and you generally have a good relationship,she tells me she so relaxed with me - but she isn't - otherwise she would not have felt the need to go to the police 6 MONTHS AFTER THE FIRST INCIDENT - how can a woman feel relaxed if she has the fear in the back of her mind that her boyfriend might just strike out at her again if he has had a couple of pints? Would you?

I accept that you are not proud of what happened ...I've heard it all before "I'm so sorry - it was the drink talking - I'm not proud of what I did, I promise it will never happen again" .. etc etc etc.

You say you accept whatever will happen in court - but even now you are contacting Nicola via a third person, which goes against your bail conditions - does that really sound as if you are accepting what will happen?. You say tht you know you need to change - but will you? Can you? Especially if it means that Nicola no longer feels safe with you, that she no longer wishes to have anything to do with you? That is what you have to accept could well happen - that is what I would be advising Nicola, if she were to come to me for advice.

You may well have had a good relationship with Nicola in the past - but that is where your good relationship is. When you broke her nose, you also broke that relationship. You have to accept that fact. If you can change - and I most certainly hope that you can, then - and only then, should you approach Nicola to see if you could possibly start again - but you have to be prepared to be rejected.

YOU HURT HER! So it would not be unreasonable to expect her to want to hurt you too. Sad, but true.

Now go away, grow up. Stop drinking completely - if you cannot control temper after just a few pints, you aren't going to be able to control the amount you drink when with friends - "go on - have another pint - it's only a pint, for heaven's sake!" Do take anger management counselling - spend your drink money on that - far better in the long term.

Good luck!

sassyblue

3v3 wrote: »

At this moment in time, the law states that you can have a drink, and drive, just so long as you are below a particular limit. That "limit" is dependant on a number of factors: e.g. age, capacity/tolerance/gender.

I think everybody knows what the law states, they just don't want to stick to it.

The poster clearly has issues with drink and violence, l bet if he stops drinking (and driving) the violence will stop too.