domestic violence

scooby088

Accept all the help you can get off the courts and probation service, and there may possibly be a spell in prison(worst case scenario) I think you need to get awway from your girlfriend and do the therapy for yourself not your girlfriend. You may have lost this girlfriend but any future partners run the risk of the same treatment if you don't get the anger sorted out.

DitaVonTee

johnnicola wrote: »

thank you for all your further posts!!

nicola and i generally have a good relationship,she tells me she so relaxed with me but this happened which i am not proud of at all.i accept whatever happens in court i will take like a man.i need to change as a person and i WILL.
at the moment nicola and i are talking through a third party by texts due to bail conditions.so everybody knows i have been charged with section 47 assault.which means abh!!i wont ever have a drink and even drink shandy now.i need nicolas help too in my recovery from what i have done!!!3v3 thanks for your post....thought it was me at first but you brought some sanity back to this trauma i am going through!!MOST IMPORTANT I AM DOING THIS FOR MYSELF TO MAKE MYSELF A BETTER PERSON.i accepted what i am and dont want to be that person anymore

Nicola can't help you in your recovery, even if it were possible I'd urge her not to aid you at all as Nicola possibly also needs some support too so I'd urge her to talk to someone at either victim support, or, womans aid, regarding womans aid, she can self refer if the police haven't already done it for her (most cases they do).

From Nicola's perspective, I've seen this everyday I've dealt with victims and I guarantee Nicola is probably telling you anything you want to hear (sorry to sound harsh), Nicola would probably tell an outside person something completely different (this is often the case).

Honestly, the best thing you can do if you want this to work out is walk away completely from the situation and Nicola for the time being (this would also mean ceasing the third party communication and text messages) sort yourself out, let the courts deal with you accordingly, allow Nicola some space giving her time to reflect on the situation and allow her to make her mind up without having any kind of pressure from you, as the courts would take a very, very dim view of things if for one second they thought you were back in contact again as they could view this contact as 'manipulative' on your part.

johnnicola

in reply to few posts.nicolas friend is the go between due to bail conditions told me that nicola wanted to do it for few months,so she done it now and fine with that.nicola wants to stay with me but i need to get help with whats happened.i really am glad deep down because i am going to change for the better.i hate us being apart but its made me realise i love her to bits and respect her loads.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Lay off the shandy then, it still contains alcohol. Only you know whether you have a physical addiction to alcohol or not (sweats, shakes, hallucinations, flashing lights, sounds from a couple of days after you last had a drink), and if you do, then you need further medical supervision to stop you becoming dangerously ill. If this isn't the case, you will just have to reconcile yourself to the fact that you become aggressive and abusive when you drink. Not that the drink makes you like it, as plenty of people - alcoholics too - would never hit a woman even when absolutely raging drunk - but that the alcohol affects your control over your anger. And your judgement, as drinking 5 pints and then driving is not only illegal but quite frankly stupid.

The GP should be able to point you in the direction of the local drug and alcohol service, or look them up through your local council's social services. Whether this counts in your favour at a future court appearance or not is irrelevant, the sooner you can start making changes in your behaviour, the better for you and anyone who knows you.

There is help out there - but don't pin your hopes on someone else curing you - you are the only person responsible for your actions and only you can change what you do.

wannabe_sybil

You did not hit Nicola because you had been drinking

You hit Nicola because Nicola had been talking to other people and she belongs to you.

That is what needs to be addressed.

(btw - Nicola doesn't belong to you - she is an independent person who may choose not to continue this relationship and you should respect that)

ska_lover

Wondering what the 'other thing' he did, which caused this latest break-up.

Would you care to tell us, John?

3v3

ska_lover wrote: »

Wondering what the 'other thing' he did, which caused this latest break-up.

Would you care to tell us, John?

Wondering the relevance: would you care to tell us, ska lover?

ska_lover

3v3 wrote: »

Wondering the relevance: would you care to tell us, ska lover?

My post was aimed at John - which would have also been obvious as I addressed him by name.

johnnicola

I went to the police yesterday and made another statement telling them everything that happened that day in november of last year.I am so glad i told them everything and now i just need to wait till 25 july to return to police station to honour my bail conditions.i went to see my gp yesterday who is getting me help and said i will be contacted in near future by the relevant services.nicola and i split up because i went away on a lads holiday to spain for three days which she did not approve of but thats no relevance to this thread anyway????

You hit Nicola because Nicola had been talking to other people and she belongs to you.

That is what needs to be addressed.

(btw - Nicola doesn't belong to you - she is an independent person who may choose not to continue this relationship and you should respect that)

I know nicola dont belong to me thats just me telling you the people who she was talking to i did not know,nothing to do with me owning her?????

rachbc

Johnny I think you are really brave to face up to what you have done, take responsibilty and get some help, and to keep coming back to this thread in the face of some of the appalling things said to and about you when you asked for help.

I hope you both manage to move forward in a positive way - together or apart.