domestic violence

johnnicola

I need help!!my partner and i have split(temporarily i hope)she means the world to me.generally i am quite a calm and collective person but sometimes i let myself down.in november last year we had been out on a sunday afternoon in my local town for few drinks we had a nice time no problem!!!then when it was time to go home i went for car she waited inside talking to some old friends i did not know.I pulled up outside on double yellow lines waited for her she never came out for 5/10 minutes in which time i was getting annoyed because i had,had a drink so did not want to get stopped by police for obvious reasons.when she got in car i went mad at her.whilst driving i started shouting at her she shouted back at me then she shoved me so i went mad and swung out and hit her once in the face/nose area then she hit me so i did same again but this time i broke her nose and she had blood all over her face by the time we got home and realised what i done i felt so ashamed of myself.i cleaned her up best i could then she went to sleep.fast forward six months-we have fell out because of something else i done so she reported me to the police for this incident six months previous.when i went to police station i panicked and did not tell the truth with which i am ashamed,really ashamed. on friday i am going to go back to the police station to tell them the truth of what really happened.I WANT SOME HELP WITH REGARD TO ANGER MANAGEMENT/THERAPY,WHERE CAN I LOOK TO GET HELP ME STOP because i love her to bits,she is my world and i am nothing without her!!!! since that time in november i not hit her since!!!PLEASE HELP

rachbc

http://www.respectphoneline.org.uk/phoneline.php

Maybe you should consider help with our drinking/ drink driving too

Threebabes

If she has any sense, she will run a mile!

Emmzi

yoiu only want help now because she has gtot up the gumption to leave

I suspect you want to look like you are doing something to talk her into staying


without actually stopping being angry or drink driving

I'm not helping with that. if you love her you will realise she is better off alone. stop being so bloody selfish.

jenhug

i thought it was a wind up.

kathy206

So you realised, only now, when she has dumped you and gone to the police that you need help. Something, other than a simple argument has triggered her going to the police "out of the blue" (Probably not the only time she's felt controlled, intimidated,belittled and unloved) and I suspect you know that you will have the book thrown at you for domestic violence. You never sought help after the incident where you drove drunk and smashed her face in so much that she was covered in blood, because she was talking to people for 5 minutes whom "you didn't know" so why now? I suggest you get some legal advice. And that she runs a mile before you do some real damage to her.

j19842

If you cared for your partner that much, you wouldn't put her life in danger by transporting her in your car when you're over the prescribed alcohol limit, would you? (And let's face it, you didn't just have one drink, else you wouldn't be worried about Police attention).

I spend much of my time cleaning up the mess caused by people like you. When you've pulled a few faces off the inside of windscreens, or had to tell parents their child has been killed by someone drink driving, you have a very, different perspective.

You have caused ABH to your partner by lashing out - simple. Good on her for tw**ting you back, she has every right to defend herself, in the pre-empt of more violence from you.

In case you were wondering, her actions are perfectly proportional, based on what you describe, so you won't get anywhere with a counter complaint.

So - you've knocked your Mrs about, and she's told the Police. Brilliant. Fair play to her.

You need to

- Show some balls, have some integrity, and say exactly what happened in your police interview
- Stop drink driving (help is available)
- Stop hurting your partner (again, if you really have anger problems, help is available).

Kimberley82

You need to sort yourself out for you not out of fear of the police.

You need to take a long hard look at what you have done and why, that will not be a fun thing to do.

Get yourself help, AA, anger management etc. But go with an open mind and a willingness to learn.

martinthebandit

j19842 wrote: »

If you cared for your partner that much, you wouldn't put her life in danger by transporting her in your car when you're over the prescribed alcohol limit, would you? (And let's face it, you didn't just have one drink, else you wouldn't be worried about Police attention).

I spend much of my time cleaning up the mess caused by people like you. When you've pulled a few faces off the inside of windscreens, or had to tell parents their child has been killed by someone drink driving, you have a very, different perspective.

You have caused ABH to your partner by lashing out - simple. Good on her for tw**ting you back, she has every right to defend herself, in the pre-empt of more violence from you.

In case you were wondering, her actions are perfectly proportional, based on what you describe, so you won't get anywhere with a counter complaint.

So - you've knocked your Mrs about, and she's told the Police. Brilliant. Fair play to her.

Is the right answer

j19842 wrote: »

You need to

- Show some balls, have some integrity, and say exactly what happened in your police interview
- Stop drink driving (help is available)
- Stop hurting your partner (again, if you really have anger problems, help is available).

and this is the right advice, but I seriously doubt you will be man enough (or mature enough) to take it and act on it.

But I will be more than happy if you prove me wrong

3v3

Someone posts a plea for help; he states what his problems are and asks for advice on where to get help.

Eight replies later, lots of opinions, judgement, critisism, assumption, but no one has actually answered his question? :huh: (other than rachbc)

j19842 wrote: »

...
You need to
- Stop drink driving (help is available) He says he knows that, he asked where to find that help. Perhaps you could advise, with your experiences?
- Stop hurting your partner (again, if you really have anger problems, help is available). He says he knows that, he asked where to find that help. Perhaps you could advise, with your experiences?

Kimberley82 wrote: »

You need to sort yourself out for you not out of fear of the police. He says he knows that, he asked where to find that help.

You need to take a long hard look at what you have done and why, that will not be a fun thing to do. He says he knows that, he asked where to find that help.

Get yourself help, AA, anger management etc. But go with an open mind and a willingness to learn. He asked where to find that help.

Emmzi wrote: »

yoiu only want help now because she has gtot up the gumption to leave

I suspect you want to look like you are doing something to talk her into staying without actually stopping being angry or drink driving

I'm not helping with that. ...

Then why post? :huh: He asked where to find help, not what you assume about him, or your judgement on him.

johnnicola - the very first place to go to seek advice, would be to go and see your GP; s/he will know the resources available to you and can recommend the steps you need to take to access that help.

Ultimately, the help you seek should focus on you, your reactions, how you handle your emotions/behaviour. You need to be aware that any help you *do* get, does not necessarily mean your girlfriend will change her mind, but, it could help with future relationships.

3v3

Information contained in the links below could be a starting point for you until you get to your GP.

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Anger-management/Pages/Introduction.aspx


http://www.bupa.co.uk/individuals/health-information/directory/a/managing-anger

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/emotional_health/mental_health/coping_angermanagement.shtml


http://www.everymanproject.co.uk/ (there is an advice line phone number on their homepage)