domestic violence

Gordon_Hose

The courts can give a supervision order carried out/managed by the Probation Service, and Probation can help with sorting out alcohol treatment and domestic abuse groups.

Other than that you can pay for private sessions, have a search online for counsellors close to you.

johnnicola

yeah thanks Gordon,already looked into that,bit expensive wanted £100 per hour session.if i could afford it i would!!!

Gordon_Hose

Well if you're charged with Assault then the courts will deal with you. You'll probably have a pre-sentence report done by the Probation service, so express your willingness to change and say you need help.

In the meantime, stop drinking.

johnnicola

Yes Gordon i know.I will do that.i just need to change my thought process in lots of things.the man from relate made me realise that my thought process needs to change.

bargainbetty

You say that you won't give up on your relationship. Has the lady in question given you any indication that she wishes to continue seeing you?

if she does not wish to continue the relationship, then please don't fall into the trap of trying to convince her that you still love her and have changed until long after everything has settled down. If she doesn't want to know, and you try to see her while on bail/under investigation, you may find yourself on harassment charges too. Given the temper you seem to acknowledge, you might be better off staying away from trigger points for a while.

The feminist in me wants to tell you you are getting what you deserve for punching your partner and drink-driving because both are dangerous acts of stupidity, but the humanist in me hopes that it has shocked you sufficiently to sort out your life. Be prepared for the fact that she might not be part of it. That is entirely her choice, and you need to make that part of your thought process.

Good luck with alcohol and anger management treatment.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

johnnicola wrote: »

I
In answer to peoples replies,i accept everybodies point of view but one thing i wont do is give up on my relationship with nicola.
i love her x

You drove drunk, went mad at her, battered her face because she gave you a nudge (pushing you off her because she knew you were drunk, driving erratically and going mental at her for talking to another human being?), permanently disfigured her by breaking her nose, and now, even though she has left you, reported your battering of her to the police, the CPS have decided that there is a case to answer, for which you are facing court....

...but you think you are still in a relationship with her? And that you can decide that the relationship isn't over yet?

I think you will find that it is well and truly over. And it doesn't matter if you never drink again (which I would heartily recommend to anyone who decided to get tanked up, driving and smashing their girlfriend's face in), she will never ever be able to trust you again. Every time she looks in the mirror, she will see the physical damage you did to her, and the mental damage, to stay with you for months after the event tells me that you have abused her mentally for a very, very long time.

She has been very brave. She has realised that she is worth more than constant fear. She doesn't want that life and she certainly doesn't want you.

If you truly regret what you have done, stop drinking. Plead guilty to GBH/ABH without trying to wriggle out of it. Accept your punishment from the Courts without complaint. Apologise sincerely to her in Court. Follow any sort of DTTO or other treatment order the Court may make. And never, ever, EVER contact her again. The best thing you could do for her is to let her make her escape from a violent, unpredictable man.

thorsoak

johnnicola wrote: »

yeah thanks Gordon,already looked into that,bit expensive wanted £100 per hour session.if i could afford it i would!!!

Stop drinking, and you probably could afford it! Once a week - it could change your life!

3v3

johnnicola wrote: »

In answer to my post at that time in the morning its because i could not sleep because loads of thoughts going through my mind.i been working 6 2 shift this week and engineer in my profession so not exactly stupid.the incident what happened is stupid.more on my original post.i did not have loads to drink had some shandy and lager so around 5 pints in total.since my post i have booked gp appointment for tuesday morning.phoned respect up yesterday for an hour got some good advice but could not put me on "domestic violence "course due to being under investigation with police.may have to go on one under probation service.also going to take some books out to read from library and give me some website information too.i really am determined to sort this problem out i have got.
In answer to peoples replies,i accept everybodies point of view but one thing i wont do is give up on my relationship with nicola.
i love her x

Hey, John! Delighted you came back to us
Good luck with your GP appointment on Tuesday.
I don't think anyone suggested you "give up" on Nicola - clearly she is the driving force behind your determination to deal with things - I think people are trying to suggest that, while you may not give up on her, she does appear (at this point) to have given up on the relationship herself? But, hey, who knows? Perhaps, just maybe, if she sees how prepared, willing and determined you are in your focus, she may change her mind.
Good luck, John. I sincerely hope that you are able to get the support, advice and rewards you aspire to on your journey.

sassyblue

johnnicola wrote: »

i did not have loads to drink had some shandy and lager so around 5 pints in total.

You shouldn't be drinking and driving AT ALL.

God forbid you ever drink drive and harm a member of my family, it'd be the last thing you do.

3v3

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

You drove drunk,

Subjective: Where does it say he was "drunk"? People have differing levels of alcohol tolerance. For example, someone who very rarely has alcohol, one pint could floor them! For someone of a different age/gender, it may not floor them. Someone who hasn't eaten could be floored by a pint; someone used to having alcohol, had a meal, may not have the same receptors. You are sensationalising the OP's words.

went mad at her,

Reads like it was tit for tat - so why is the OP being accused?

battered her face because she gave you a nudge

You have chosen to twist the OP's words: he says "shove"; you down-grade it to "nudge"? Were you there? On what basis did you conclude his description of a "shove" is actually only a mere "nudge"?

Likewise, he states he struck out ... you twist that into "battered". Did you read the same post everyone else did?

(pushing you off her because she knew you were drunk, driving erratically and going mental at her for talking to another human being?), Really? Where did you draw that emotive conclusion from? (vivid imagination you have; have you been watching too much TV drama?)

permanently disfigured her by breaking her nose, Is it? You've seen it? Or is this another sentationalist generalisation based on a TV drama?

and now, even though she has left you, reported your battering of her to the police, the CPS have decided that there is a case to answer, for which you are facing court....

...but you think you are still in a relationship with her? And that you can decide that the relationship isn't over yet?
Erm, no! He doesn't believe he can decide that the relationship isn't over; all he is doing is deciding is that he is going to do all he can to ensure that *he* is trying to rectify any wrongs on his behalf, and make a go of it. Why is that so wrong? Why is that derisory? Isn't that how all relationships works? Give some; take some; try to make amends?

I think you will find that it is well and truly over. And it doesn't matter if you never drink again (which I would heartily recommend to anyone who decided to get tanked up, driving and smashing their girlfriend's face in),
Whooohah!!!! At which point did the OP say he went out on a Sunday afternoon with the INTENTION/"decision" of getting tanked up/driving/"Smashing their girlfriends face in"???? That is soooooo wrong of you to say that!!! (At this point, you are beginning to sound like a self-rightuous prig! Do correct me if I am mistaken?)

she will never ever be able to trust you again. I doubt he will be able to fully trust her again either!

Every time she looks in the mirror, she will see the physical damage you did to her, and the mental damage, Yup, because she really didn't turn physically violent first

to stay with you for months after the event tells me that you have abused her mentally for a very, very long time. And, of course, you *must* be right, because *you* think it so Despite no evidence to the contrary!

She has been very brave. I would disagree.
If she were brave, she would have dealt with it sooner; the fact is, she waited until they had another disagreement and then went to the Police about something which happened almost 7 months earlier. Sounds more, to me, like *she* is playing power games here: "I'm gonna report you for what you did 7 months ago; Ner-ner!!"
If she had genuine cause for complaint, she wouldn't have needed to go back 7 months to an isolated incident to get her point across

She has realised that she is worth more than constant fear.
Where are you getting this "constant fear" message from?

She doesn't want that life and she certainly doesn't want you. Perhaps! (But, methinks, what a callous, vindictive way to get her point across )

If you truly regret what you have done, stop drinking. Plead guilty to GBH/ABH without trying to wriggle out of it.

Whoa!! Stop right there! That is *not* how our justice system works! The OP does indeed have mitigating circumstances: SHE SHOVED HIM while he was in the care and control of a motorised vehicle!!!!!! She attacked *him*!


Accept your punishment from the Courts without complaint.

Why?

Apologise sincerely to her in Court. Follow any sort of DTTO or other treatment order the Court may make.

Why??

And never, ever, EVER contact her again. The best thing you could do for her is to let her make her escape from a violent, unpredictable man.

Where do you draw that conclusion? It was an isolated incident?

Your argument lacks reason, substance and smacks of emotive sensationalism: have you considered a career in journalism?