domestic violence

VfM4meplse

Violence comes from within, and alcohol catalyses a violent tendency.

Lay advice #1: don't drink.
Lay advice #2: never drink and drive

gingin_2

3v3 wrote: »

Someone posts a plea for help; he states what his problems are and asks for advice on where to get help.

Eight replies later, lots of opinions, judgement, critisism, assumption, but no one has actually answered his question? :huh: (other than rachbc)





Then why post? :huh: He asked where to find help, not what you assume about him, or your judgement on him.

QUOTE]

The majority of us who post here are mothers, a proportion have been in abusive relationships, a proportion are cynical and find it hard to take certain posts at face value ( puts hand up to that one).

Fair enough that he wants help with his anger, but that he makes no excuses for his drinking, or that he admits to drink driving is bound to get people's backs up. Especially as a fair few of us will have our children happily playing on the pavement on a sunday afternoon whilst some drunk idiot drives by who is too lazy and tight to pay for a taxi and openly admits it on a forum frquented by people with young children.

3v3

gingin wrote: »

The majority of us who post here are mothers, Me too!

a proportion have been in abusive relationships, Yup, me too!

a proportion are cynical and find it hard to take certain posts at face value ( puts hand up to that one).

Fair enough that he wants help with his anger, but that he makes no excuses for his drinking, or that he admits to drink driving is bound to get people's backs up. Especially as a fair few of us will have our children happily playing on the pavement on a sunday afternoon whilst some drunk idiot drives by who is too lazy and tight to pay for a taxi and openly admits it on a forum frquented by people with young children.

Then, on that basis, by helping someone who recognises what they are doing isn't right and wants to seek a way to rectify their behaviour, is the route to *preventing* potential future abuses (both physical and alcohol), thereby, potentially contributing to the safety of your children out on the street on a Sunday afternoon.

Interestingly, on the driving/safety front, its very interesting how none of you have picked up on the fact that the girlfriend was the first to "shove" the OP while he was driving. Even if he were stone cold sober, "shoving" someone who is in control of a moving vehicle could also cause an accident

Likewise, the OP has come under scorn for his girlfriends actions ...

wrote:

If you cared for your partner that much, you wouldn't put her life in danger by transporting her in your car when you're over the prescribed alcohol limit, would you?

... well, hello, she was fully aware of how much (or how little) he had been drinking because she was there with him. Equally, she must be an adult because she was drinking too, could assess how affected (or not) he was from the drinks he had consumed and she willingly chose to be a passenger in his car in the full knowledge of his condition. So, how can you hold him to account for her decision?

Why ignore *her* actions and responsibilities in neglecting to prevent him from driving while under the influence of alcohol? Nothing stopped her from calling a taxi either - yet no one is calling her "lazy"

Lotus-eater

gingin wrote: »

The majority of us who post here are mothers, a proportion have been in abusive relationships

That's why it's a wind up. Sounds completely wrong and at 2.56am in the morning?

gingin_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

That's why it's a wind up. Sounds completely wrong and at 2.56am in the morning?

I agree. And new poster..... And not come back to respond......

rachbc

I kept my first post to the point because I didn't want to set the tone for how this thread develops - suspecting it would go 'off on one'.

I make absolutely no excuses for drink driving or hitting anyone - however unlike many many abusers this guy has asked for help. Lambasting him is not going to help him or the woman he is in a relationship with, nor any of the future women he may have relationships with. If one violent man gets help then surely thats got to make the world a safer place for our sisters, friends and daughters and start to unpick potentially generations of damage?

If you think its wind up don't respond!

Lotus-eater

gingin wrote: »

I agree. And new poster..... And not come back to respond......

Well no ones going to admit to breaking their GF's nose with their normal ID are they and as for not come back, I presume they are still sleeping it off after last night going by the time, the lack of writing skills and the general tone.

rachbc wrote: »

If you think its wind up don't respond!

I think I'm allowed to voice my concerns

3v3

gingin wrote: »

I agree. And new poster..... And not come back to respond......

New? It may be his first post, but he joined nearly 7 months ago; or is there a probationary period before a poster is deemed "legit"?

So, he posted at 2.56am, so do many, many other people; what does that prove?

Yes, he is wrong to drink and drive, yes, he is wrong to lash out at his girlfriend, irrespective of any provocation: does (effectively) calling him a liar make you any better? He's hardly boasting about it! He's asking where to find help. Why is that so very hard to comprehend?

So you don't believe him, that's your choice, but if you have nothing constructive to add to the thread, do share what do you gain by posting your doubts? Does it make *you* feel better to put someone down simply because you assume it isn't a genuine post? And you draw that conclusion because it is a) posted early hours and b) a first post? :huh:

Lotus-eater

Well if it's real, just give them both the number for Jeremy Kyle and let them sort it out the only way they know how.

I mean....... "since that time in november i not hit her since!!!", I think he's cured.

3v3

Lotus-eater wrote: »

That's why it's a wind up. Sounds completely wrong and at 2.56am in the morning?

Lotus-eater wrote: »

....going by the time, the lack of writing skills and the general tone.

I think I'm allowed to voice my concerns

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Well if it's real, just give them both the number for Jeremy Kyle and let them sort it out the only way they know how.

I mean....... "since that time in november i not hit her since!!!", I think he's cured.

Heaven help anyone you sit on a jury for if they are awake at 2.56am, lack writing skills and their general tone.