Narcisism!

poet123

That is what I have been saying, LIR.

This is interesting too:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201301/the-narcissist

Taken from the above:

"The downside to the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that it can become a cheap catch phrase that you can use whenever you don’t like someone. It makes you feel superior because you have a label for him or her. It may be a sign of your own self importance if you reduce someone to a diagnosis. I buy into that."

lostinrates

missprice wrote: »

But if you were in fact NPD, and you searched and found stuff that to you means your victim is the real NPD, you would either not care cos your the NPD and you have no feelings for the victim, or you would use the tactics given here.
Those tactics include but are not limited to
Broken record, saying same thing whenever something hurtful is said, hardly dangerous to you or victim and in fact cuts down on contact as you are boring the pants off victim.
Smile sweetly while going your own way, again not dangerous in the slightest and quite a calm way of doing things, not the usual drama that evolves around NPD.
Go no contact, again far from dangerous in fact safest way to deal with NPD.

None of these options is trying to find help, but further back in this thread is stated (I think) there is no help for PD.

Suppose NPD person is your child, as might be the case for determined new ms (who btw could probably do with some more input!), or in care of children, like an ex partner? Someone you cannot cut contact with or cannot have your children not cut contact with without a diagnosis?

To say just walk away is not always possible, and coping with hurt for children, not always possible to just smile sweetly if you feel children, for example, are genuinely at risk of behaviour you feel no one else can see.

Dunroamin

missprice wrote: »

But if you were in fact NPD, and you searched and found stuff that to you means your victim is the real NPD, you would either not care cos your the NPD and you have no feelings for the victim, or you would use the tactics given here.
Those tactics include but are not limited to
Broken record, saying same thing whenever something hurtful is said, hardly dangerous to you or victim and in fact cuts down on contact as you are boring the pants off victim.
Smile sweetly while going your own way, again not dangerous in the slightest and quite a calm way of doing things, not the usual drama that evolves around NPD.
Go no contact, again far from dangerous in fact safest way to deal with NPD.

None of these options is trying to find help, but further back in this thread is stated (I think) there is no help for PD.

Surely, if someone does genuinely suffer from NPD then they themselves are the victims? Would anybody suggest treating somebody who suffers from any other mental illness in such a way?

lostinrates

Dunroamin wrote: »

Surely, if someone does genuinely suffer from NPD then they themselves are the victims? Would anybody suggest treating somebody who suffers from any other mental illness in such a way?

Sorry, I have confused the issue by using that terminology.

I have a problem with words sometimes, And I just couldn't think of a better one till later when 'oppressed' came out somewhere,

lostinrates

poet123 wrote: »

That is what I have been saying, LIR.

This is interesting too:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201301/the-narcissist

Taken from the above:

"The downside to the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that it can become a cheap catch phrase that you can use whenever you don’t like someone. It makes you feel superior because you have a label for him or her. It may be a sign of your own self importance if you reduce someone to a diagnosis. I buy into that."

I think I am the only person who has potentially names multiples. But I also think I am the only person who has also hazarded a suggestion I think it might be a risk for me.

I did a personality disorder test thing online. I'm amazed I'm allowed out in public.:rotfl::rotfl: The thing was the questions were asking things that were a bit ambiguous and could have been answered either way truthfully.

poet123

Dunroamin wrote: »

Surely, if someone does genuinely suffer from NPD then they themselves are the victims? Would anybody suggest treating somebody who suffers from any other mental illness in such a way?

And that is the nub of the matter.

If, as shown in LIR's link, there are measurable deficits in the brain which cause this MH issue then it is an illness, as in something that cannot be controlled by those who have it.

Bandying the term about for those who are simply difficult to deal with, plain nasty, obstructive etc, is a bit of a slight towards those for whom it is a real diagnosis.

missprice

lostinrates wrote: »

Suppose NPD person is your child, as might be the case for determined new ms (who btw could probably do with some more input!), or in care of children, like an ex partner? Someone you cannot cut contact with or cannot have your children not cut contact with without a diagnosis?

To say just walk away is not always possible, and coping with hurt for children, not always possible to just smile sweetly if you feel children, for example, are genuinely at risk of behaviour you feel no one else can see.

Is it any better if the NPD cuts contact? My mother did to me just because I would not do as I was told. This is decades ago BTW and I don't know for sure she was NPD but its a good indication. Also when she realized I was not going to come running she had a go at finding me but I had left the country.
So if its OK for the NPD to cut contact and they regularly do as punishment, although its not meant to be permanent, then its OK for the oppressed.

If someone even a child is genuinely at risk then yes cut contact, why not if there is a risk. How can you get a diagnosis to help someone if they won't admit they are Ill or wrong to treat ppl badly.
Ex partners are regularly denied contact for much lesser reasons than possibly NPD,

Dunroamin wrote: »

Surely, if someone does genuinely suffer from NPD then they themselves are the victims? Would anybody suggest treating somebody who suffers from any other mental illness in such a way?

Can't find it now but for sure someone said there is no help. But if they genuinely do have NPD they don't know it. Can you be a victim if you don't know you have something?

poet123

There are treatments for it.

http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydisorders/a/narcissisticpd.htm
Treatments for Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Individual psychotherapy can be effectively used to treat narcissistic personality disorder, although the process can be difficult and time consuming. It is important to note that people with this disorder rarely seek out treatment. Individuals often begin therapy at the urging of family members or to treat symptoms that result from the disorder.
Therapy can be especially difficult because clients are often unwilling to acknowledge the disorder. This difficulty in treatment is often compounded by the fact the insurance companies are focused on short-term treatments that minimize symptoms such as depression and anxiety, but ignore the underlying problems.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is often effective to help individual's change destructive thinking and behavior patterns. The goal of treatment is to alter distorted thoughts and create a more realistic self-image. Psychotropic medications are generally ineffective for long-term change, but are sometimes used to treat symptoms of anxiety or depression.

lostinrates

missprice wrote: »

Is it any better if the NPD cuts contact? My mother did to me just because I would not do as I was told. This is decades ago BTW and I don't know for sure she was NPD but its a good indication. Also when she realized I was not going to come running she had a go at finding me but I had left the country.
So if its OK for the NPD to cut contact and they regularly do as punishment, although its not meant to be permanent, then its OK for the oppressed.

If someone even a child is genuinely at risk then yes cut contact, why not if there is a risk. How can you get a diagnosis to help someone if they won't admit they are Ill or wrong to treat ppl badly.
Ex partners are regularly denied contact for much lesser reasons than possibly NPD,



Can't find it now but for sure someone said there is no help. But if they genuinely do have NPD they don't know it. Can you be a victim if you don't know you have something?

So e one cutting contact between their child/ren and a parent who noone else believed had anything wrong with them would be opening themselves, and their children, to all sorts of onslaught. By all means seek to severe contact, but HOW.....that's the sort of advice that might be useful I suggest, and that would involve how to get a diagnosis I suppose?

If children cannot rely on a parent without NPD...which they would not be able to if court orders then maniuplative conversations about how that parent kept them apart became norm it could be very damaging. Whether or not NPD was diagnosed. In fact, I have seen just a scenario play out (no diagnosis of NPD but some mental health) and watched peoe play each other off my entire life.....its not great.

lostinrates

missprice wrote: »

. Can you be a victim if you don't know you have something?

A neat analogy might be:

If you do not know you have cancer will it not kill you?

Edit: inversely, before hearing of NPD, wee the actions of the NPD person less hurtful?