Narcisism!

Own_My_Own

Dunroamin wrote: »

You don't need a "diagnosis" for being an unpleasant person and neither do most people need strangers on the internet helping them to deal with what's a normal part of life

Since when did we all become so feeble?

But some people do need it. And since when as asking for help and advice made somebody feeble !

Dunroamin

Own_My_Own wrote: »

But some people do need it. And since when as asking for help and advice made somebody feeble !

Wanting and needing are different things.

Sharing experiences can be helpful but making life decisions based on the opinions of total strangers who only hear one, biased side of a story is, IMO, irresponsible.

poet123

[QUOTE=missprice;63709880]Does it really matter if its narcissm or some other personality disorder or just a nasty person?
Surely what matters more is that people get help dealing with it, whatever it may be called.
I would rather someone knew they could without prejudice ignore a nasty person whether related or not, or find ways of dealing with a nasty person than be left in limbo suffering,no matter what the actual diagnoses is.[/QUOTE]

Well, yes, I think it does.

I think that attaching a label can be a bit of a sop. We all know people who are nasty, unpleasant, manipulative etc, but they are, or can be, just that, it seems that today that isn't enough. To validate our responses to them it seems we need to label them, from there we then feel more comfortable acting towards them in specific ways; ignoring them, cutting them off, not allowing them access to children etc.

I am sure there are Narcissists our there, I am equally sure they are not in the abundance that the number of posts on this thread would have us believe.

seven-day-weekend

I'm pretty sure my late M-i-l fell into this category.

Never wrong.

Never interested in anyone else unless they were paying attention to her .

Always falling out with neighbours...

....and always moving as a result.

Always at war with her family.

Always said she was neglected and no-one ever came to see her, etc, etc.

Her biggest triumph was when she came to see my husband, who was semi-conscious in hospital because he had meningitis, and she sat by the bed telling him how ill SHE was.

missprice

poet123 wrote: »

Well, yes, I think it does.

I think that attaching a label can be a bit of a sop. We all know people who are nasty, unpleasant, manipulative etc, but they are, or can be, just that, it seems that today that isn't enough. To validate our responses to them it seems we need to label them, from there we then feel more comfortable acting towards them in specific ways; ignoring them, cutting them off, not allowing them access to children etc.

I am sure there are Narcissists our there, I am equally sure they are not in the abundance that the number of posts on this thread would have us believe.

Well we agree that there may well not be as many narcissist out there,
I disagree that we need the label to justify our actions.
I don't care one way or the other if someone is just plain nasty or actually has a personality disorder, one way our another it has to be dealt with. The same actions work either way.
You find a "cure". Broken record is one, sweet as pie and go your own way is another and cutting them off as last resort.

If some people need the label to deal more effectively or as a sop then who are we to disagree, we do not live in their shoes and we do not know which cure will be most effective, or which cure is best for the sufferers way of life.

poet123

missprice wrote: »

Well we agree that there may well not be as many narcissist out there,
I disagree that we need the label to justify our actions.
I don't care one way or the other if someone is just plain nasty or actually has a personality disorder, one way our another it has to be dealt with. The same actions work either way.
You find a "cure". Broken record is one, sweet as pie and go your own way is another and cutting them off as last resort.

If some people need the label to deal more effectively or as a sop then who are we to disagree, we do not live in their shoes and we do not know which cure will be most effective, or which cure is best for the sufferers way of life.

The problem with that (for me) is that it "medicalises" both the person behaving badly and the hard done to. You, for example speak in terms of cure, sufferers, etc.

I don't think we should seek to medicalise ordinary personality traits.

If some people need to go down that route fair enough, but to have a tick sheet and imagine that someone who fulfills a lot of the criteria must have a personality disorder is too simplistic imo.

missprice

poet123 wrote: »

The problem with that (for me) is that it "medicalises" both the person behaving badly and the hard done to. You, for example speak in terms of cure, sufferers, etc.

I don't think we should seek to medicalise ordinary personality traits.

If some people need to go down that route fair enough, but to have a tick sheet and imagine that someone who fulfills a lot of the criteria must have a personality disorder is too simplistic imo.

Fair enough, but even if it is just a personality trait, the same attitude to dealing with it helps enormously.
I have met plain nasty people and I had a probably n mother, the two are not so far apart.

ostrichnomore_2

My ex husband has a lot of these traits and I would say he has narcissistic tendencies, rather than trying to diagnose him myself. Id' not heard of it back then, but I remember frequently thinking my ex lived as the star of his own movie and saw the rest of us as only the supporting cast. That sums it all up.
I got a lot firmer with him after we'd split up (still had contact, actually pretty amicable, because of child) and really refused to pander to it.
Probably the worst example was when our child was extremely ill and we were having difficulty having him admitted to hospital - he needed a specialist unit and no spaces were available. During one meeting to beg a consultant for help my ex just kept going off the point of our child completely and banging on about his own health issues. Did this several times with different doctors, most of whom stared at him aghast obviously thinking 'this guy is nuts'. I had to keep snapping 'shut up! This isn't about YOU!' to him to get things back on track.
I have little contact now as child is grown up but still hear a bit of news. I thought he'd mellowed as he got older, but no, I've just heard from a mutual friend about their falling out badly over a disagreement. Disagreeing over politics. Friend discussing politely. Ex ranting and raving and being offensively rude and personally insulting. That's the old ex I recognise.

Whether these people have this disorder, or another problem, or are just selfish, or are just nasty, doesn't really make any difference if you are the one living with them and trying to deal with it.

Anyone still stuck with it - all I can advice is not to get drawn in by it and stick to your guns. Ignore the drama llama routines. And if they are really making your life miserable, give up, get out. Whether they can help it or not is a moot point - the effect on you and your life is the same.

meritaten

If you have a problem because the thread is about Narcissism (and it is rather obvious from the title), then why read it? YOU chose to read on, and then comment in this negative manner.
You may have noticed that this is an old thread which has been 'resurrected' because someone wanted knowledge or advice about the condition. If it has helped just that one person I consider it a privelidge to have posted the thread.

You always have a choice on Forum - read it or not!

Dunroamin

meritaten wrote: »

If you have a problem because the thread is about Narcissism (and it is rather obvious from the title), then why read it? YOU chose to read on, and then comment in this negative manner.
You may have noticed that this is an old thread which has been 'resurrected' because someone wanted knowledge or advice about the condition. If it has helped just that one person I consider it a privelidge to have posted the thread.

You always have a choice on Forum - read it or not!

Sorry, I didn't realise that it was only people who're in total agreement with you who are allowed to post - I obviously missed the rule about that!;)