Narcisism!

whitewing

It doesn't sound crazy in the least - merely a symptom of your problem. I withdraw from people a lot when my depression is getting worse, and then, although not a miserable, moaning kind of person, I do begin to get reluctant to leave the house. (Although symotom is interacting on internet forums later at night). I email or text my support system when times are bad, rather than phoning, or speaking in person. It is a situation that they will have encountered before. If you absolutely can't bring yourself to phone NHS Direct, then email your gp surgery (on the basis you won't be able to post them a letter). You can explain the situation to them and request that they email you back as you can't currently talk on the phone.

You could also try contacting Women's Aid - again they may be able to help. There is a sticky thread on the Debt Free Wannabe forum regarding Women's Aid (I think).

blue_monkey_2

Chocolate Rose - he is abusing you. Please, please find the strength to call women's aid or email someone from your local police domestic violence unit (their emails should be on their website and they also have a way of you reading the site without it being tracked). You can also speak to someone at the council for help.

HE has made you this way, has made you scared of your own shadow and of people with his years of comments and abuse. You MUST get away from him - he is not a narcissist, he is an abuser. There is a difference!! Narcisists will seek their need from others, your ex does not do this he just chooses to abuse you.

Once you find the strength to get help for one thing you will find the strength to get help for everything else. Please tell someone and ask for help, this will be your road to recovery. Why not print your post out and take it to the police station and ask for help.

You say you had nowhere else to go - is this why you still live with him? Your local council, police and women's aid will help you find somewhere to live and will help you with the rent so please do not worry about not having anywhere to go, they will help you. You will not lose any entitlement to money you have put into the house.

Alternatively you can seek an occupation order and get him out of the house and a prohibited steps order so he cannot go near you if you are worried what he might do to you.

I hope you find the strength to report this abuse and move forward with your life.

Cyril

Chocolate Rose - As hard as it is you have to leave, somehow, anyhow. There are people out there who will help.

You are not living you are existing and I'd hate you to ' wake up' in another 10 or 20 years and bitterly regret those lost years. At that age you really will be too old to have a family but now you're not.

You write very eloquently and it seems to me you may be stronger than you realise its just you are trapped in this hopelessness and need to break the cycle.

You are clearly a very capable woman running your own business and just need support to set you up elsewhere.

It makes me so angry to hear a man can do this to another person, don't be a victim any longer and that will be your saving grace.

meritaten

They are right hun - he isnt just a narcissist - he is an abuser. and things have gone way too far for YOU to take control. you need to get out - NOW! I dont say this lightly - I am not one of those who think you should cut and run at the least little thing. but, I think its coming to the time (or it has come) when you consider that staying is WORSE than going! You have no life right now - and think how much worse it can get in a years time - never mind five or ten years from now!
If you need support then womensaid will help - so will the people on here. Post back if you want help. or just to talk - someone will ALWAYS be here!

claretmatt

After years of emotional bullying and abuse finding out that my father is a narcissist is the biggest revelation (relief) of my life and I can now move forward having decided that cutting contact is the best thing for my own and my family's sanity.

Some of his tricks:

- ringing me up to ask the best cash ISA rates knowing that my 8 month pregnant partner was bed bound with a pulled muscle in her back (best cash ISA rates were not really at the forefront of my mind)

- trying to turn my family against me and get them not to come to my child's christening

- First words having not seen me for 6 months during his winter overseas jaunt being "my god you've put on a lot of weight, you're really fat".

- Deciding to tell my aunty despite my polite request not to as to when my partner was having her planned caesarean. Wanted it to be close family only - including him!

- Having me run around whilst he was away (on his 6 month winter jaunts) doing jobs at his house, posting letters, ringing his bank, collecting / dropping things at his friends with no consideration for my own family / work situation.

- Insinuating that he was going to cut me out of his Will.

- Inviting me up for an hour to see him before his winter jaunt only to talk to someone else on the phone for 45 minutes.

- Telling me "not to rest on my laurels and you need to do more" having told him I'd passed an exam after revising for 5 months.

So having received a verbally abusive email which basically threw in my face all the things I'd ever told him because "if you give someone enough bullets they will shoot you" I decided enough was enough and haven't talked to him in a year.

So what do I get as the next email a year down the line.......... an offer of a car!

Other emails are now playing the doting Granddad, wanting to see my boys and wanting pictures of them. Having turned down offers to see me and the boys for years because "I'm playing golf on Saturday and going walking on Sunday" it's now apparent that he's building some kind of "case" which he can pass around as "he won't let me see my grand children" "he won't even send me pictures" "I even offered him a car"

Boo bl00dy hoo got you sussed :T

missprice

The last bit of your post, so who exactly will care that he offered a car blah, no pictures, blah.
Not like anyone you know well enough will care what he thinks, and if they do, get rid of them from your life too.

At least you have seen the light, and you seem to be frankly amused by it.
That's quite a healthy reaction I think.at least your no longer cowed by him.

claretmatt

You're right I don't particularly care what others think. I just think it is the next stages of the games and manipulation and any form of nicety must be for a reason.

Having the dawn of realisation made me incredibly sad at first as to think that someone can hurt you so much for their own needs especially their own son, made me feel terrible.

Now having read this thread and other traits I can now be finally free and the liberation feels marvellous!

missprice

claretmatt wrote: »

You're right I don't particularly care what others think. I just think it is the next stages of the games and manipulation and any form of nicety must be for a reason.

Having the dawn of realisation made me incredibly sad at first as to think that someone can hurt you so much for their own needs especially their own son, made me feel terrible.

Now having read this thread and other traits I can now be finally free and the liberation feels marvellous!

Pretty sure you can stop his emails even getting through, at least send them to your junk folder, but would be better that they are just returned. Would stop him in his tracks then.

As you know that he is up to some trick or other you can prepare to some extent. Make yourself ready for the concerted attack, and don't give in to him, save yourself

meritaten

BE PREPARED! if as you say he cant hurt you now - that's brilliant! but be prepared for some family members to take his side - my MIL had the whole street on her side! she played the 'poor Agnes' card for all it was worth! there are some who still think she was hard done by! only close family know the truth!

davsidipp

xlittlemissx wrote: »

Hi,

Just wanted to contribute to the thread. Over the past month or so I have been doing some serious thinking about my life over the past 20 years been with OH since I was 15. The gradual realisation that my OH is a N and not just selfish and self centered has really hit me hard.

It all started to unravel for me after he went into a rage and swore at our son. I have talked to my friends and family like never before and asked their honest opinion about things I have always kept to myself and convinced myself they were normal - also had some very needed support from a very wise person here on mse.

I want to share some of my experiences and behaviour I have noticed over the years (cant believe a big red flashing light didnt alert me but never mind)

- my OH is always right, he is never ever wrong. When he is proved beyond doubt he is wrong he wont admit it.

- he is very controlling, his way is the only way and nothing is ever good enough for him. He expects his tea done at a certain time. When I drive he taps the gear stick without saying anything if he thinks I'm in the wrong gear. When I wash up, its never done properly he makes a point of telling me he found a plate that "you hadn't done properly, so I had to do it right". I helped with the painting a couple of weeks ago, he said "i've seen your painting, I've gone over it and done it properly".

The house is never tidy enough for him, he never believes me when I'm ill and says I'm exaggerating.

He hates my family coming round and openly makes them feel unwelcome, he just walks out of the room when they walk in.

I went to my friends the other night to help her with her baby while she tidied up. I told OH where I was going he said OK. After an hour there was a knock at her door, it was him all dressed in his cycling clothes complete with bike. He said "I'm going out on my bike so you'd better get home the kids are on their own"! I had to go home (youngest only 8).

We dont watch anything I like on TV because its rubbish. When we go to bed if I fall asleep first he will flick my lips or block my nose to wake me up, he cant stand me being asleep if he is awake. When I lie next to him he tells me not to breathe on him as it annoys him. If I'm asleep and breathing in his direction he moves my head.

My mental health is suffering, I'm biting my tongue in my sleep and I have started smoking for the first time (im 35) as its the only thing that relaxes my tummy enough to go to the loo (sorry too much info there)

I feel like I could write a book thinking back!

Starting to deal with things now though so hopefully things can only get better!

LMx

omg reading your post i really feel for you,i dont even know what to say,as i find you in a very sad situation:(you really need help with your situation,as you seem very patient to put up with that crap.good luck with dealing with it x