heartbroken

lurvlyloz

I know exactly how you feel although the break up with my boyfriend was more mutual. we had fallen out of love with each other. we still loved each other but were definitely not in love with each other. we ended living separate lives pretty much towards the end. even so it was awful when we broke up & we both felt crap. we are not real;ly good friends coz we didn't want to lose each other completely. i think this is the worst part tbh because now i see him changing & being the boyf he wasn't with me with his new gf, and he sees me doing all the things i wanted to do with him with my new boyf so its hard both ways.

I think you have to get out there and make some new friends or connect with old ones (as your doing with the guy from school). whe you start a new job just focus o n the positive side of everything and making sure that you look after yourself.

Big Hugs xxx

coin_operated_girl

Gavin83 wrote: »

Can I ask, if telling someone you don't want to be with them anymore is a sign of cheating, how would someone who genuinely isn't sure about their relationship anymore break up with someone and not be suspected of cheating?

I honestly don't think he cheated on you, I think he's just confused. I feel like he has reached a point in his life where he almost feels like he has missed his growing up years by being in a relationship. He's at that age where he feels he could break up with you and spend a few more years enjoying himself but at the same time he does want you in his life. In his ideal World you'll split up and get back together in a few years but he knows this is unlikely to happen.

It is almost a quarter life crisis if you will. My thinking is that he'll decide to make a go of it but we'll see what happens.

I have to say that i think this post is spot on. I have just asked him again whether he cheated or whether he has his eye on someone else and he says no. Theres nothing i can do but believe him. I told him that if he has cheated then he should at least do me the decency and respect to tell me the truth and i think he would. He understands why i have asked him and why it looks that way, but he looked me in the eye and told me he didnt cheat. I guess i will never know for certain, but my gut instinct is that he would never do such a thing.

I have always worried that there would come a point where he has realised he has missed out on those "laddish" years. I mean, neither of us have slept with anyone else and i would be ok with just being with him for the rest of my life, but i understand that most people (probably guys even more so) would want to see whats on offer before settling down.

Hes my first serious bf and i was his first ever gf so i wouldnt blame him for feeling like he has missed out. I also agree with the point you made that in an ideal world he would be free and single for a couple of years and then come back to me. He has asked me whether in like a years time if he has realised he has made a mistake would it be ok to contact me. I said ok, but im not waiting around and in all likelihood i would have moved on by then- which he understands.

I really think that whats happened is that he is just about to start a new chapter in his life (new job, new place to live, new friends) and i think whilst i was away he realised how good it can be to be single and that he wants to be single for a while to enjoy this new chapter. He used to have friends who were mostly in long term relationships and were quite settled, whereas i get the impression that these new friends are mostly free and single and have had a few relationships despite being the same age (which im sure is normal). I can't help but think that if he never met these people then we would still be together, but i cant change the past and who knows, he still might have fallen out of love with me any way.

Just_Plain_Jane

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

He has asked me whether in like a years time if he has realised he has made a mistake would it be ok to contact me.

Cheeky b*astard.

He's basically asking your permission to go and play the field then come back to you when he's filled his boots.

Change your number.

Lunar_Eclipse

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Thanks for every ones advice it really helps to talk to people who have been through it all before. Im sure that over time i will move on and find someone else, but i guess at the moment i just feel like i dont want to. I dont want anybody else, i want our near perfect life back with our near perfect future to look forward to.

Sorry to hear your relationship update, but I thought you might like to hear the happy ending to my unfaithful boyfriend scenario...:D

I was really shocked and very upset initially, although I knew we were never going to be a long term thing. Then I was angry, the how dare you have let me down feelings. I turned to my friends, went out a lot, enjoyed more drinks than I normally had and after a short period in time, I started to enjoy myself and embraced the you only live once mentality.

About 3 months after our split, I got together with my now husband. At the time I thought the timing was awful. The last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Yet 21 years and two children later, here we very happily are.

The moral of the story is not to try to replace your boyfriend, but more that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I am sure you will find happiness again. Go forth and enjoy life today.:)

Lunar_Eclipse

Gavin83 wrote: »

Can I ask, if telling someone you don't want to be with them anymore is a sign of cheating, how would someone who genuinely isn't sure about their relationship anymore break up with someone and not be suspected of cheating?

That's a very good question. And I'm not sure.

I'm fairly sure more relationships break down for a specific reason (such as infidelity, abuse, money issues etc) than simply because one person thinks they may no longer love the other. Yet obviously that can and does happen.

Hopefully he is just confused, but it's unpleasant for the OP nonetheless.

sennheiser

He hasn't cheated on you, he wants to go out and have some fun as single guy for a while. I advise you to let him if its clear that's what he wants, those feelings will only get stronger if you stay together.
Perhaps you will get back together in a few years, perhaps he will think he has made a big mistake and come straight back.

Percy1983

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

He wasn't bothered that I went away, he was welcome to come but it was very expensive and he decided he would rather spend the money on something else (well, what he actually said was that he would rather spend the money taking just the 2 of us on holiday- that's not going to happen now though).

This really stood out to me, if I said this to my other half it would be the message, lets go away together just the 2 of us. With you saying its very expensive you going with family has maybe killed any chance of such a holiday together.

In short if I said that and she went I would question what the relationship meant to her, and in turm ask myself what it meant to me.

That mixed with his new found life may have just pushed him over the edge.

LEJC

Percy...I didnt see it that way...or glossed over the comment but thats an incredibly credible and valid point....

VfM4meplse

sennheiser wrote: »

He hasn't cheated on you, he wants to go out and have some fun as single guy for a while. I advise you to let him if its clear that's what he wants, those feelings will only get stronger if you stay together.
Perhaps you will get back together in a few years, perhaps he will think he has made a big mistake and come straight back.

Isn't that what happened with Wills and Kate?

coin_operated_girl

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Sorry to hear your relationship update, but I thought you might like to hear the happy ending to my unfaithful boyfriend scenario...:D

I was really shocked and very upset initially, although I knew we were never going to be a long term thing. Then I was angry, the how dare you have let me down feelings. I turned to my friends, went out a lot, enjoyed more drinks than I normally had and after a short period in time, I started to enjoy myself and embraced the you only live once mentality.

About 3 months after our split, I got together with my now husband. At the time I thought the timing was awful. The last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Yet 21 years and two children later, here we very happily are.

The moral of the story is not to try to replace your boyfriend, but more that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I am sure you will find happiness again. Go forth and enjoy life today.:)

Its good to hear everything worked out so well for you. I dont have any friends where i live though as i dont work so its very hard to meet new people. Ive tried before to attend meet up groups for people in the area with no friends, but nothing ever came of it. I dont know why, i just felt like i had nothing in common with the people there.

sennheiser wrote: »

He hasn't cheated on you, he wants to go out and have some fun as single guy for a while. I advise you to let him if its clear that's what he wants, those feelings will only get stronger if you stay together.
Perhaps you will get back together in a few years, perhaps he will think he has made a big mistake and come straight back.

I really think that this is the reason. It just makes me so sad because i thought we had fun together, but obviously its not the same.

Percy1983 wrote: »

This really stood out to me, if I said this to my other half it would be the message, lets go away together just the 2 of us. With you saying its very expensive you going with family has maybe killed any chance of such a holiday together.

In short if I said that and she went I would question what the relationship meant to her, and in turm ask myself what it meant to me.

That mixed with his new found life may have just pushed him over the edge.

Sorry i know i haven't explained everything but i think this is wrong. I went on a family holiday because my sister lives in America and was getting married. It was so expensive because she got married in Hawaii. He was welcome to come but he said that its a lot of money to spend on a holiday where he will have to hang around my family a lot and not be able to do exactly what he wanted to do. I didn't pay for the holiday, i have no money, my parents paid for me to come. So we still could have gone away together. He just meant that as it was so much money there was better things he could have spent it on than spending 2 weeks with my family who he doesn't particularly like.

Anyway, its all over now. Im back in London, hes back at his parents house. We have said our goodbyes and i know he wont change his mind. He said that he will never forget me and now i think its beginning to hit me a bit. Its so hard because obviously the one person i would turn to when upset is him. I just still can't believe it is all over.