heartbroken

Pee

How did he feel about you going on the family holiday? If he had issues with this, maybe he's either upset you went ahead or trying to punish you for going on the holiday.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Horrible to say, but he may not have cheated on you - yet. But has wanted to, maybe even had the opportunity to (who says he counts kissing and a quick fumble as cheating, anyway? - he may only count cheating as having sex when you are in the same country as him) - and has said all these things so that;

a) He's already says he doesn't love you, so in his mind he is single and not going to be cheating.

b) He can say to an unsuspecting female that he is just with you because you need help, so she doesn't see it as cheating (some women will refuse to go with a bloke who is attached, but fall for the 'I just don't want to abandon her' line)

c) He doesn't know quite how it's panning out with a particular female, but doesn't want to find himself without free sex, so is messing you around until he knows whether the other woman is prepared to have him or not.


Stuff him. Go and get yourself a new job, meet new people and don't give him a second thought. He chose to hurt you and is now prolonging your suffering for his own reasons. If, as soon as you go, he is running after you saying he was sorry and it was all a mistake, then he can get involved with your new life on your terms, not his. After all, if you aren't dependent upon any more, he hasn't got the power to take charge of you - perhaps he doesn't like the idea of that, either.


Good luck.

coin_operated_girl

Errata wrote: »

I bet he's seen more of them whilst you were on holiday and realised there's more to life than being in a twosome, especially if some of the new friends are footloose and fancy free blokes who aren't wrapped up in getting married, having children, buying a house, but are living it up. Which is what 24 year olds do before they settle down for the rest of their lives.

I wondered about this too, so I asked him if it's just that he wants to live the single life fir a while so he can do whatever he wants when he wants without worrying about anyone else. He said that he doesn't think that is the reason.

Pee wrote: »

How did he feel about you going on the family holiday? If he had issues with this, maybe he's either upset you went ahead or trying to punish you for going on the holiday.

He wasn't bothered that I went away, he was welcome to come but it was very expensive and he decided he would rather spend the money on something else (well, what he actually said was that he would rather spend the money taking just the 2 of us on holiday- that's not going to happen now though).


I went to bed early tonight but i couldn't sleep so we just had another talk. He was really uncertain yesterday and earlier on today which made it difficult on me as I felt like there was some hope even though deep down I knew there probably wasn't any. He said that he is sorry but it's not fair to keep me hanging on and that now he has had more time to think about it he is pretty sure he doesn't love me. He said he was confused because he still really cares about me and he does still love me, just not like he used to. I am going home tomorrow and I said (as others here suggested) that I will give him a couple of days just incase he changes his mind but I won't hold my breath. He agreed that is fair and also that I am probably right not to hold my breath.


He has been such an amazing boyfriend and I am so proud of everything he has done. I was really looking forward to watching him start his new job that he went through a years worth of tests and interviews and beat a hell of a lot of competition to get. I wish he hadn't fallen out of love with me, but he has and there's nothing I can do about that, so instead I wish nothing but the best for him, I know he will be successful in everything he does- such a shame I'm not going to be there to see it all.


I hope over time he finds a nice girl who hopefully will treat him as well as I tried too- just without all the health issues. He really deserves to be with someone loving and someone who will treat him right. Until he finds soneone else i hope he enjoys single life, hes been with me since the age of 18 (well he was 19), so i think it will be a new but hopefully enjoyable experince for him, and in a way I am glad that he gets a chance to be a normal "lad" for a while- I always felt a little bit guilty that he missed out on stuff like that whilst he was with me.


Now all the waiting is over, now i know for definite that we are over, I actually feel a little better. I suppose it was the not knowing that made it so hard. I guess it's time for me to move on now, it's going to be hard because I don't have any friends where i live and I'm not quite ready to go back to work (almost there though). So without him my life is fairly empty. He was my first serious boyfriend so I've never gone through a breakup like this before (last one end through text message, we were young and like insaid, not serious)- I don't really know what I am supposed to be doing or feeling. Yesterday i was determind to try my best to forget that he even existed. Right now I just want to put his stuff in a box and keep it (for now at least), I'm not quite ready to let go, but I dont know if this will make it harder for me to move on. I feel like I should be angry that I spent almost 6 years of my life with him and that we had our life all planned out and now all of that is gone...but it's gone for him as well. He can't help how he feels, so I do not blame him. I'm just so glad that we have had a "nice" breakup that only involved being completely honest with each other and lots of tears and a few hugs. I feel like the breakup did our relationship justice and I would have been way more upset if it all turned into a heated arguement where we both said things we didn't mean. Its nice that i have that one last memory.

I am still in complete shock though and I just cannot get my head around the fact that I will never see him again, I don't think everything has sunk in just yet, but I hope I don't start to hate him. Right now I feel pretty numb, so I'm not feeling an awful lot, I'm sure it will hit me at some point and I will go through a stage of doing a lot of crying. They say that you are supposed to grieve the end of a major relationship to get over it, but I'm not ready for that. I've accepted that it's over but I don't feel a sad and upset as I know I will.


Thanks for all the advice given to me. I will up date this thread in the next day or two if anything changes, but like me, don't hold your breath

Thanks for everyone's advice, it really did help as I was at a complete loss with what to do next and it was driving me crazy.

coin_operated_girl

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Horrible to say, but he may not have cheated on you - yet. But has wanted to, maybe even had the opportunity to (who says he counts kissing and a quick fumble as cheating, anyway? - he may only count cheating as having sex when you are in the same country as him) - and has said all these things so that;

a) He's already says he doesn't love you, so in his mind he is single and not going to be cheating.

b) He can say to an unsuspecting female that he is just with you because you need help, so she doesn't see it as cheating (some women will refuse to go with a bloke who is attached, but fall for the 'I just don't want to abandon her' line)

c) He doesn't know quite how it's panning out with a particular female, but doesn't want to find himself without free sex, so is messing you around until he knows whether the other woman is prepared to have him or not.


Stuff him. Go and get yourself a new job, meet new people and don't give him a second thought. He chose to hurt you and is now prolonging your suffering for his own reasons. If, as soon as you go, he is running after you saying he was sorry and it was all a mistake, then he can get involved with your new life on your terms, not his. After all, if you aren't dependent upon any more, he hasn't got the power to take charge of you - perhaps he doesn't like the idea of that, either.


Good luck.

Thanks for your post but I really don't think he has cheated on me. I don't think he has it in him to cheat on me. Plus I know that he has more respect for ne and for our relationship. He has told me he hasn't cheated and I believe him. He is just as devastated about the break up as I am. He genuinely seems very upset and it's almost like he doesn't want to let me go, but knows he has to in order to be fair to both of us. He may have his eye on someone else, I don't know. But if he doe then he has done the right thing by breaking up with me and I respect that- as I said before, he can't help how he feels. But I don't think for a second that he would ever cheat on me or any future partners, he is not like that at all.

It seem that he has simply fallen out of love with me and was trying to do his best by being completely honest, even if it has caused some confusion for me. He said that he is begginig to think he has felt like this for a while (I don't think he had, before I went on holiday he still had that same look in his eye and the same strong hugs he always had for me) and that time apart sort of confirmed everything for him. I disagree, I KNOW he still loved before I went. I suspect that he saw what single life was like and wanted to give it a go, plus he's got dome big changes coming up and I think he realized that there's just no room for me in his new life. It's such a shame because we have gone through so much as a couple together, but we always made it out the other side. Unfortunately, this is one thing we can't sort out.

Sambucus_Nigra

The best thing to do is to get on with your life, busy yourself and please yourself; get out there and make your own new friends. He's broken up with you - it's time to look after yourself and get on with things.

coin_operated_girl

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

The best thing to do is to get on with your life, busy yourself and please yourself; get out there and make your own new friends. He's broken up with you - it's time to look after yourself and get on with things.

Thanks, i will try. Its just so hard though. I can't even sleep at the moment so i don't know how i am going to be able to do anything else. I miss him so much already.

VfM4meplse

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Thanks, i will try. Its just so hard though. I can't even sleep at the moment so i don't know how i am going to be able to do anything else. I miss him so much already.

:grouphug:Hugs.

I have a great deal of sympathy with you. It's a horrible time when you split up with someone you love, you have to function with a big chunk of you missing. It's okay to acknowledge that you're grieving for the life you thought you had, it will take a while but it will get better eventually. Keep yourself busy and surround yourself with people that love you for now.

Sambucus_Nigra

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

Thanks, i will try. Its just so hard though. I can't even sleep at the moment so i don't know how i am going to be able to do anything else. I miss him so much already.

It's not easy but it's better than being in a relationship that goes downhill over time and makes you feel completely dog-eared by the end.

It's a beautiful day out there today - go out and enjoy being young free and single again. Get a decent paper, do the crossword, have a latte in the park, go for a walk, clear your head, ogle some fine young talent. That sort of thing.

coin_operated_girl

VfM4meplse wrote: »

:grouphug:Hugs.

I have a great deal of sympathy with you. It's a horrible time when you split up with someone you love, you have to function with a big chunk of you missing. It's okay to acknowledge that you're grieving for the life you thought you had, it will take a while but it will get better eventually. Keep yourself busy and surround yourself with people that love you for now.

This is exactly how i feel. My heart feels empty and my soul feels incomplete. Unfortunately i dont have any friends or family who live near me and i currently dont work so there is nothing to fill my days with. I wanted to start looking for work as soon as i got back from my hol so i guess i will have to try and do that- i just feel like im not in the right frame of mind for it right now though.

Im now considering moving because im not sure i can stay in the place i am in right now knowing that he was there. It just feels like my room is filled with too much history and too many memories. So i might move to be nearer friends. Trouble is, i wanted to stay in London because having the tube makes my life so much easier and being in a big city with everything so close together makes its a lot easier (i think) to find work to fit in with my medical condition.

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

It's not easy but it's better than being in a relationship that goes downhill over time and makes you feel completely dog-eared by the end.

It's a beautiful day out there today - go out and enjoy being young free and single again. Get a decent paper, do the crossword, have a latte in the park, go for a walk, clear your head, ogle some fine young talent. That sort of thing.

You are completely right. I feel like we have both been completely honest and open throughout our relationship (hes a real good'un- not afraid to talk about emotional things or anything) and i am grateful and respect him for being honest right to the end. Even though it was very hard for him, he knew that i would rather he was just honest and didn't pretend everything was ok.

Im still at his parents house today, so i will see him later today for one last goodbye. I still can't believe he wont be in my life any more. I would love to be friends with him one day, i know i can't right now, i need to get over him first. But hopefully one day i will be ready- not sure whether i could handle seeing him with someone else though. The thought of him being with someone else makes me so sad and makes me feel sick. I hate to think that one day he will hold someone like he used to hold me or look at them like he used to look at me. But i'm just trying not to think about that right now. He said there is no one else and he doesnt want to think about being in a new relationship right now, so i'll cross that bridge when i come to it....sorry i am rambling. What i meant to say was that i will go back home today and i need to unpack from my hol, do some washing, sort out what i am going to do with his stuff etc. So hopefully today i can keep busy. It may not be the same as going for a walk or something else enjoyable, but it needs to be done.

Sambucus_Nigra

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

You are completely right. .

That's because I'm ancient.

Still ogle fine young* talent though. What's not to like?

*young is over 18 - under 30 for me these days.:eek: