heartbroken

coin_operated_girl

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

That's because I'm ancient.

Still ogle fine young* talent though. What's not to like?

*young is over 18 - under 30 for me these days.:eek:

haha, i'll give it my best shot, but i feel like nobody compares to my [STRIKE]boyfriend[/STRIKE], sorry, 'ex'- im going to have to get used to that Is that too soppy?

Ive just sent a message to a friend (i say friend, ive only seen him a few times since school, but each time we meet up its like no time has passed- if that makes sense) to see if he wants to meet up. He works in London so im hoping that we could meet up for a drink one day after he finishes work. He has been in two long term relationships, both of which where finished by the other person, so i feel like he knows exactly what i am going through. I hope he doesn't mind me asking but i really need a shoulder to cry on and for some reason he was the first person i thought of (possibly because he reminds me of my bf though, so not sure if this is a good idea). I explained i understand if he doesn't want to see me as i dont know him that well any more and it wont make him a bad person or anything, but i really hope he agrees to help me. I just need someone to hug me.

Sambucus_Nigra

The way I see it - is that if it felt right then it would be wrong...feeling bad is part of the process. Go have a drink with your chum if possible and get that hug!

Keeping_Motivated

Hi the only advice i can give you is to try and focus one day (or even one hour) at a time. Concentrate on getting through that rather than keeping looking at the future which will be scary and the past which will bring you down.

Try your very best to think of only the here and now as much as possible to help you cope hour by hour.

Good luck I hope things work out well whichever way your future pans out.

Take care

lostinrates

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

haha, i'll give it my best shot, but i feel like nobody compares to my [STRIKE]boyfriend[/STRIKE], sorry, 'ex'- im going to have to get used to that Is that too soppy?

Its natural to feel like thjat, but it doesn't mean your feeling is correct!

If you want to move physically that's fine, but you know YOU have been there and made history of your own too. Its a shame to lose your sense of self, and perhaps something to think about in a next relationship. Because there will be another. with a guy you love as much, more, and in new and exciting way.

London is a wonderful city to be footloose and fancy free in. There is always something to do and to see, and people to meet.

re your friend, there is nothing wrong with meeting him and having a moan, BUT you do not need someone to hug you (there is nothing worng in having a hug from a friend, its the ''need'' I'm picking up on. ), IMO you need frst to ''grieve'' the realtionship then reinforce your sense of worth and sense of self.

After this very real sadness passes ENJOY the next phase of life. Believe it or not, in the future however passionately you love your life partner sometimes its possible to miss dating (rather than being in a realtionship) and being single.

Good luck, its all up to you but after this sadness the most exciting time of your life so far could be about to begin.

AmandaD28

OP I think you have had some fantastic advice on this thread and leaving would be my way forward too.

I know he says he hasn't cheated but your whole post reminds me of my relationship with my ex we had this same scenario twice in our time together and I met him when I was 18 too both times he denied anyone else being involved even appeared hurt that I could suggest it but that is exactly what was going on both times first time with one of my closest friends and second time his old g/f from school through facebook.

They both happenned suddenly and he changed quickly he gave me the I don't think I love you speech and both times I asked him to go and sort his head out ! I believed him the first time when he said there was no-one my friend kicked her hubby out the next day though and they were officially an item I too was just numb and can still remember the feeling just reading your post.

I sincerely hope that this is not what is going on just thought I would share my experience and give some empathy I guess I really hope things work out how you want

xx

LEJC

coin_operated_girl wrote: »

He has been such an amazing boyfriend and I am so proud of everything he has done. I was really looking forward to watching him start his new job that he went through a years worth of tests and interviews and beat a hell of a lot of competition to get. I wish he hadn't fallen out of love with me, but he has and there's nothing I can do about that, so instead I wish nothing but the best for him, I know he will be successful in everything he does- such a shame I'm not going to be there to see it all.


I hope over time he finds a nice girl who hopefully will treat him as well as I tried too- just without all the health issues. He really deserves to be with someone loving and someone who will treat him right. Until he finds soneone else i hope he enjoys single life, hes been with me since the age of 18 (well he was 19), so i think it will be a new but hopefully enjoyable experince for him, and in a way I am glad that he gets a chance to be a normal "lad" for a while- I always felt a little bit guilty that he missed out on stuff like that whilst he was with me.

You say some lovely and positive things about him...but you must not forget that you too will have enriched his life...and you will go on and have other positive relationships too.

You say he was your first serious boyfriend so its only natural that you will feel very sad now the relationship is ending....but there is life afterwards...

go out and enjoy mixing and meeting new people...strive on with your plans for a new job...that will all help you and no doubt in 12 months time you will be a completely different person...and look back on the six years you spent with him fondly, but you will have moved onwards and upwards hopefully to better times...

Best of luck

coin_operated_girl

Thanks for every ones advice it really helps to talk to people who have been through it all before. Im sure that over time i will move on and find someone else, but i guess at the moment i just feel like i dont want to. I dont want anybody else, i want our near perfect life back with our near perfect future to look forward to. I keep sleeping for the odd 30mins-1 hour and when i wake up, just for a second or 2, i have forgotten what has happened and everything is good. Then its like it hits me all over again. I'm going to wake him up now to say goodbye. I will ask him one final time whether he has cheated on me. Like i said before, i really don't think he has, but i guess it would explain the sudden change of heart, which is what i cant get my head around. I really hope he hasn't cheated, it would be like taking a massive carp over our whole relationship, but at the same, at least it would make sense.

Thanks guys.

Lotus-eater

I think he probably cheated, or wanted too, but I don't think it matters at this moment tbh.
Best thing to do by far, is walk away and get on with your life.

If I may say so, you sound a wonderful, articulate, sensitive, gentle young woman, someone a young man would be proud to be with.

If I was you, I would really really really really not jump into a new relationship straight away, not to say you can't meet and go out with blokes, but don't get serious.

It will take time to heal, most of us remember our first great love, I still have a small hole in the heart for mine and that was 20 years ago (and I dumped her, much in the way you've been let loose ), but it heals and it is almost totally forgotten when you meet someone new. But as I said, don't rush.


The phrase "we don't know what we have till it's gone" is very relevant here and he might well change his mind. Up to you if you take him back, but I would say that ship has sailed.

LEJC

Having read your posts I wouldnt persist on the "cheating" accusation...afterall what constitutes cheating...is that flirty chat..inappropriate behaviour...or does a man not cheat until he sleeps with someone else...everyone will have a different tollerance level and opinion...

The fact may be that he simply found out that whilst you were away a different side to life...he probably hasnt cheated because he respects you...but hes seeing that there is life outside"the life he had with you"....and therefore at the moment is in a position to move forward with his life....you on the other hand have not yet reached that point as you've had a lot less time to come to terms with the situation you returned home to after your holiday...but move on you will...in time

Clearly your relationship has broken down and is at an end...he feels that and you are accepting that too...leave it at that and move on ...

You will never forget him...hes been a big part of your life...but you will meet someone who you can build your life with...

My husband was not my first serious relationship...nor was I his...but he is the love of my life and has been for 18 years...

Gavin83

*max* wrote: »

It sounds as if he has a guilty conscience. Maybe he fooled around while you were away, and doesn't know how to tell you?

Can I ask, if telling someone you don't want to be with them anymore is a sign of cheating, how would someone who genuinely isn't sure about their relationship anymore break up with someone and not be suspected of cheating?

I honestly don't think he cheated on you, I think he's just confused. I feel like he has reached a point in his life where he almost feels like he has missed his growing up years by being in a relationship. He's at that age where he feels he could break up with you and spend a few more years enjoying himself but at the same time he does want you in his life. In his ideal World you'll split up and get back together in a few years but he knows this is unlikely to happen.

It is almost a quarter life crisis if you will. My thinking is that he'll decide to make a go of it but we'll see what happens.