heartbroken

fs110

Tete en l'air, hello (what does your name mean, my french is poor at best?)

Sorry to hear of your situation.

I feel that with my ex im unlikely to bump into her randomly and its entirely possible we might never see each other again. Scares me a little. (Although both her home and her work are a stones throw from my own work :rotfl: does that make me sound like a stalker?). We dont mix in the same circles though.

I try to think of the failed relationship as learning years rather than wasted years. If only because it makes me feel better. My relationship was ended and i still dont know the reason why or that i ever will find out - makes me angry but if she is happier without me then so be it.

This thread has been very therapeutic for me as im sure it has for Coin operated girl and others so stick around and things start to get just a tiny bit better.

edit:spelling

Tete_en_l'Air

Yes I've found it therapeutic to read through too FS. Horrible as it sounds, it's reassuring to know you're not the only one going through it. Maybe in time I'll look back on that relationship and be able to take something good from it but certainly not yet

Tete en l'air means 'head in the clouds' - I always took that to mean sort of whimsical and 'away with the fairies', but recently saw it interpreted as snooty :eek:

lilmissmup

OMG you are me two years ago......

Hello hijacker here.

Just to keep you spurred on 2 years and 3 days ago my ex boyfriend of 6.5years left me, we had lived together for 5 years and I wanted a baby with him.

The grief I went through at first was unimaginable, I spent six weeks feeling so numb I was like a zombie, first 2 weeks I didnt eat *but lost 2 stone so best diet ever!* but slowly it got better, I had a lot of rubbish with him playing the maybe card but in the end it all came to a head, I changed my phone number and started to move on.

Today I live with my boyfriend of 16 months and hes so much better than my ex ever was although our relationship can be hard as he has an ex wife and kids but in the 2 years since we split I have found a new job and passed my driving test and generally just moved on and had fun.

One day you will meet someone much better for you and you will laugh when your ex tells you he misses you....or is that just me!

coin_operated_girl

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

The more time moves on, the more angry I feel rather than upset - if he was here in front of me now I could probably punch him for the three years of my life he's wasted (I'm a bit older than you - 29 - and had thought he was the man I'd spend the rest of my life with, so they really do feel like wasted years - I could have been out meeting someone who DID want to spend their life with me in that time).

I don't know if I'd take him back. I'd want to but whether it would work or not I don't know, I wonder how much a relationship can come back from. I wouldn't want to be just friends though, sounds petty but it's true. And I think all the same things about him that you do about your ex, he's a brilliant person etc etc but he's just hurt me too much and it would have to be all or nothing.

I'm like you in that our paths would never naturally cross and he's not on FB at all so it's weird to think that if he doesn't ever respond then that's it, I'll never see him again, won't know what becomes of him or anything, after all we had together Like you say it doesn't seem real, I still can't quite believe it all this time later ... I don't think I'll ever understand what happened.

I have really surprised myself by not feeling angry at him. We did almost break up a couple of times during our relationship and both times i was so, so angry. Like you i felt like he had wasted my time and i just wanted to forget he ever existed. When we actually broke up i felt like this for about 10 mins and then i felt strangely calm and i still feel like that now. A couple of people have said some horrible things about him because he left me and i have defended him. I don't want people to think horrible things about him, he hasn't done anything wrong in my eyes. I really thought i would hate him after we broke up, but i think i love him too much to ever really hate him. Sometimes i think hating him would be more healthy...like its part of the grieving process. I don't know your situation, but i guess for me i feel like i can't hate him because he cannot help the way he feels. Breaking up has been just as hard for him as it has been for me.

I can completely understand why you feel angry now and probably if i was a bit older i would feel like you (sorry, that sounds horrible, i don't mean it to, hopefully you understand what i mean).

I don't think that it is petty that you wouldn't want to just be friends with your ex. I think most people struggle to just be friends. Right now i feel like i could be friends with my ex, but probably a huge part of that is because i am sure he is not seeing anyone else right now. I don't know if i could be friends with him if he was, it would hurt too much- even if i was over him. I suppose there are just some things in life that are best left in the past.

Its so strange when you are used to sharing everything with someone and then suddenly they are out of your life and you are unsure whether you will ever see or hear from them again. Not knowing what will become of my ex is something that makes me feel so sad, and i guess that is why i feel like i would want to be friends with him.

I think not understanding what happened is so hard isn't it? My friend told me that what happened will go round and round in my head for a while and then one day i will realise i dont care. I hope that happens, because it is driving me insane...although day by day i am thinking about it a bit less.

craftykez

I think your friend has absolutely hit the nail on the head! At first it seems like it's never going to pass but it does and then you'll realise you haven't thought about it in x amount of time (be it, an hour, a day, a week), it'll get much easier. On the plus side, soon you won't have time to dwell on feeling down as you're going to have so much going on with new friends, and potential dates

coin_operated_girl

craftykez wrote: »

Hi Coin Operated Girl, I'm a long-time lurker on these boards but have never posted before today. After reading your thread I felt I had to come out of lurkdom (if only briefly!!). I just wanted to say well done, you seem as though you are being really pro-active getting your life back on track and getting yourself out there meeting new friends and volunteering!

Having been through something similar myself, i think the shock of it all is the worst part. When it comes out of the blue like that you've had no time to prepare for it and it knocks you for six - I promise you it will get a lot easier!! I hope everything goes well for you - you should be proud of how you are turning a horrible situation into positive new opportunities for yourself!

Thanks very much. I really am touched that you came out of lurkdom (lol) to tell me that. I agree the shock is the worst part, it just makes you feel so lost and unsure of everything.

fs110 wrote: »

Tete en l'air, hello (what does your name mean, my french is poor at best?)

Sorry to hear of your situation.

I feel that with my ex im unlikely to bump into her randomly and its entirely possible we might never see each other again. Scares me a little. (Although both her home and her work are a stones throw from my own work :rotfl: does that make me sound like a stalker? nah, only a little bit ). We dont mix in the same circles though.

I try to think of the failed relationship as learning years rather than wasted years I am trying to see my break up like this. I feel like i am just discovering who i am and that it will make me a much stronger person and put me in a position to have a healthier relationship in the future . If only because it makes me feel better. My relationship was ended and i still dont know the reason why or that i ever will find out - makes me angry but if she is happier without me then so be it.

This thread has been very therapeutic for me as im sure it has for Coin operated girl and others so stick around and things start to get just a tiny bit better. It has indeed been very therapeutic for me too. I'm seeing as almost a diary where i can write down all my thoughts and feelings and if anyone comments on it then it is a bonus.I really have benefited from everyone elses experiences and advice.

edit:spelling

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Yes I've found it therapeutic to read through too FS. Horrible as it sounds, it's reassuring to know you're not the only one going through it. Maybe in time I'll look back on that relationship and be able to take something good from it but certainly not yet

Tete en l'air means 'head in the clouds' - I always took that to mean sort of whimsical and 'away with the fairies', but recently saw it interpreted as snooty :eek:

I find it reassuring to know im not the only one too, it makes it seem less scary knowing that other people are going through the same thing and are still standing. I like that this thread is hopefully helping other people as well as me. I'm sure one day you will be able to take something positive from the relationship. Or look at it this way, now you aren't with Mr Wrong, you are one step closer to finding Mr Right.

crazyguy

It gets better with a bit of time, and you will look back in while and say !!!!!! was I dwelling over that relashonship for, you will sort it out and meet a new Guy, just dont rush take your time and all will come good !

coin_operated_girl

lilmissmup wrote: »

OMG you are me two years ago......

Hello hijacker here.

Just to keep you spurred on 2 years and 3 days ago my ex boyfriend of 6.5years left me, we had lived together for 5 years and I wanted a baby with him.

The grief I went through at first was unimaginable, I spent six weeks feeling so numb I was like a zombie, first 2 weeks I didnt eat *but lost 2 stone so best diet ever!* i lost my holiday flab very quickly!but slowly it got better, I had a lot of rubbish with him playing the maybe card but in the end it all came to a head, I changed my phone number and started to move on.

Today I live with my boyfriend of 16 months and hes so much better than my ex ever was although our relationship can be hard as he has an ex wife and kids but in the 2 years since we split I have found a new job and passed my driving test and generally just moved on and had fun.

One day you will meet someone much better for you and you will laugh when your ex tells you he misses you....or is that just me! haha

Glad to hear things have worked out for you These "success stories" are so nice to hear. They make me feel excited for the future rather than scared.

crazyguy

Btw, love the name, coin operated girl think its class !

coin_operated_girl

I just wanted to repost something that i posted a while ago on this thread in case anyone is going through something similar but missed it the first time round. Its something that my sister said to me and is taken from the book 'Eat, Pray, Love'. When the main character is in India, she meets a wise old man. He teaches her it's ok to miss someone and still love them. There's nothing wrong with that. He tells her its absolutely fine for her to celebrate and cherish the good times and the relationship they had. He also says something along the lines of 'people think soulmates are meant to last forever. They don't. Soulmates are meant to make an impact on your life. They come in to teach you what you needs to be taught and then they leave. They help you to grow'.

I like the last bit in quotes. I really thought my ex was my soul mate and i couldn't believe he wasn't going to be in my life any more. It felt like there was going to be a big hole in my life that would never be filled again. But now i like to think that he was indeed a soul mate, he helped me through the toughest times of my life and he has taught me so much and now his job is done its time for him to leave, but thats ok because he was never meant to stay in my life forever...i find it comforting anyway.