Can't do anthing right.....

anguk

LegalBlonde wrote: »

Putting the strain of extra weight on your body has health risks as well and encouraging staying that way and being appalled at OHs for saying otherwise doesn't exactly show respect for well being.

This is not a response to the OP - OP it is like anything smoking, giving up drinking etc, you will only effectively lose weight when you want to do it for the right reasons.

From what I have read you have tried fake tan etc in a rush so are interested in how you look and you say that he offered to pay for things but hasn't, but have you gone and had to pay yourself or have you not gone...

Like anything really, you will only be motiviated to do it for you. I don't think anything you have said has anything to do with breaking up with your OH but increasingly that is the response on these boards.

Good luck if you do eventually come to a place where you want to do it for you x

I agree with you about the health risks with extra weight but I don't think being a size 14 makes the OP obese unless she's very short. And getting her hair done or going on the sunbed so she's got a tan won't improve her health either.

I think it all depends on how the OP feels, you sound quite down but is that because of how you look or because of how your OH is making you feel with his comments?

If you want to lose weight, get your hair done, have a tan etc. then go for it but you need to tell him that his comments are making you feel like crap. It may be that he's shallow and only bothered about your appearance but it could be that he just doesn't realise how bad he's making you feel.

As for the house, if you're going to be living there and paying for it you should say what you want, he should say what he wants and you come to a mutual agreement and get a house you both like.

Person_one

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I'd prefer a size 14 to a 10 any day, but a mate of mine only fancies size 10's or below, always has. So maybe her OH is like that and is trying to tell her in a nice way.
Although it didn't sound that nice..... but you try telling a woman in any way at all, that her weight is causing an issue....... because it sometimes does. Like it or not.

I hope that mate is prepared to never have a seriously long term relationship!

Very very few women stay exactly the same size all their lives. My natural size is a 10 but I've been up to a 16 in the past for various reasons and I'm a big 12 now.

Women get ill, go through stressful situations, have lifestyle and job changes, hormone level changes, pregnancies, sometimes they just plain relax a bit and enjoy a couple of months without counting every calorie because they think they can feel secure that their partner will still love them even with a different number on the label of their clothes!

What if your mate falls for a woman who only likes men with hair? Will he be ok with getting dumped after 10 years if he starts to go bald and doesn't want plugs?

LegalBlonde

For all we know she has used sunbeds in the past and now that she is a bit down, he is suggesting them to cheer her up. It is something people including myself do that is bad for us, like a lot of things in daily life, how many times do OHs say "have a drink to relax" etc...

Next time my OH suggests a luxury 2 weeks in the sun with cocktails I will remember he doesn't care about me enough to consider health factors.

Person_one

LegalBlonde wrote: »

For all we know she has used sunbeds in the past and now that she is a bit down, he is suggesting them to cheer her up. It is something people including myself do that is bad for us, like a lot of things in daily life, how many times do OHs say "have a drink to relax" etc...

Next time my OH suggests a luxury 2 weeks in the sun with cocktails I will remember he doesn't care about me enough to consider health factors.

I wear sunscreen and a hat on holiday, I've never heard of anyone getting the factor 15 out to go on a sunbed!

jetta_wales

Person_one wrote: »

Asking her to use sunbeds is pretty much the equivalent of asking her to start smoking because its an appetite suppressant so she might lose weight.

He might not actively want her to get cancer, but he doesn't care enough to want her to actively avoid the risk factors.

You don't know she hasn't chosen to use them in the past herself or that he isn't just a bit ignorant to the risks like many people are, especially men who are generally less likely to use them so needed know jack šhit about them.

But over reactions are just some people's idea of fun in here I think somedays.

Person_one

jetta_wales wrote: »

You don't know she hasn't chosen to use them in the past herself or that he isn't just a bit ignorant to the risks like many people are, especially men who are generally less likely to use them so needed know jack šhit about them.

But over reactions are just some people's idea of fun in here I think somedays.

How can anyone not know that sunbeds give you skin cancer?

If he's that ignorant I'd leave him anyway!

People aren't overreacting, they're just reacting. Your reaction is different than mine that's all. The OP probably posted to get a wide spectrum of perspectives and she is!

zippybungle

and since when has a size 14 been considered over weight / fat? :eek:

Zippy x

Lotus-eater

Person_one wrote: »

I hope that mate is prepared to never have a seriously long term relationship!

Very very few women stay exactly the same size all their lives. My natural size is a 10 but I've been up to a 16 in the past for various reasons and I'm a big 12 now.

Women get ill, go through stressful situations, have lifestyle and job changes, hormone level changes, pregnancies, sometimes they just plain relax a bit and enjoy a couple of months without counting every calorie because they think they can feel secure that their partner will still love them even with a different number on the label of their clothes!

What if your mate falls for a woman who only likes men with hair? Will he be ok with getting dumped after 10 years if he starts to go bald and doesn't want plugs?

He's in a seriously long relationship. He just is with someone who will never get fatter!!

I can hear you all now, spluttering into your afternoon glass of wine. Don't shoot the messenger, he really is with someone like that :rotfl:

He is also with someone who (like him) is obsessed with looking good and buying good clothes, also she would be on to him like a shot if he put any weight on.

I gave it 2 months. That was 10+ years ago

LegalBlonde

Person_one wrote: »

I wear sunscreen and a hat on holiday, I've never heard of anyone getting the factor 15 out to go on a sunbed!

Not sure I have the energy for this but here goes...

do you smoke? drink? do drugs? overeat? binge on chocolate? live with someone who smokes? use a mobile phone? use a car? breate in air when you are outside? the list goes on.

I don't think the OP's original motivation in posting was how inconsiderate her partner is suggesting sun beds....

Tropez

Person_one wrote: »

How can anyone not know that sunbeds give you skin cancer?

If he's that ignorant I'd leave him anyway!

People aren't overreacting, they're just reacting. Your reaction is different than mine that's all. The OP probably posted to get a wide spectrum of perspectives and she is!

Much like the rare examples of the people who smoke 20 a day for forty years and never get lung cancer, perhaps he, like I, know people who have used sunbeds for decades and have never developed skin cancer. While the example of the smoker is of course the exception to the rule given all the information we are bombarded with about the dangers of smoking from as early as 8 years old in schools, I am failing to recall quite as much being done to raise awareness of sunbed risks. We certainly never had any lessons about it in school and the only thing I've ever heard about it is on various news reports over the years. Therefore, it could be fairly easy to live in ignorance over the risks of sunbeds, just as some people live in ignorance of the risks of drinking too much water.

I will, however, state that I can't be doing with tanning anyway and therefore my disinterest in it does not spur me on to research further into the effects of sunbeds and sun exposure any farther than I would encounter naturally. In my case, I just burn and I quite like my partner's complexion the way it is - she of course hates tanning anyway, which is useful for me. Aside from presumably being aware of the risks due to her history as a nurse, she doesn't like the way it makes her skin feel, or the fact that a natural tan in the sun makes it leathery.