Can't do anthing right.....

must_try_harder_2

Do you want to lose weight? Would it make you happier? If it would maybe he knows this and is trying, in his own stupid way, to help - in which case he should encourage you not just tell you what he thinks you should do. If it wouldn't make you happier then I would tell him this and say that he is upsetting you and you are happy as you are.

pigpen wrote: »

I ask mine to lift things that are too heavy for me or too high up for me to reach and occasionally I ask him to drive me somewhere..

I actually think mine is too skinny and keep feeding him

My XH put on 5 stone over a few years and I can honestly say other than when he was on top it didn't bother me in the slightest

But where is the difference between "you're too heavy and need to lose some weight" and "you're too skinny and I'm going to try to feed you up"? Both are criticising the way the person looks and saying you would prefer them to look different.

Stephb1986_2

I think the only weight you should be losing is him. Horrible swine!

Chin up

Steph xx

newcook

Im a size 14-16 and have recently joined the gym as I want to lose weight. at first I was in similar thought to you about not feeling comfortable in there because of my size but after being in there 10 minutes I realized a few things:
no-one was looking/pointing/laughing at my big bum wobbling on the equipment,
I was too busy concentrating on not falling off the equipment to care if anyone was looking at me,
we are all in there for the same reason - to get and keep trim and toned!

as for your OH - he doesnt sound very nice. if you are already feeling !!!!py about your looks the last thing you want is him pointing out even more stuff! tell him how you feel and how you want him to be supportive

Lotus-eater

I'd prefer a size 14 to a 10 any day, but a mate of mine only fancies size 10's or below, always has. So maybe her OH is like that and is trying to tell her in a nice way.
Although it didn't sound that nice..... but you try telling a woman in any way at all, that her weight is causing an issue....... because it sometimes does. Like it or not.

lurvlyloz

must_try_harder wrote: »

Do you want to lose weight? Would it make you happier? If it would maybe he knows this and is trying, in his own stupid way, to help - in which case he should encourage you not just tell you what he thinks you should do. If it wouldn't make you happier then I would tell him this and say that he is upsetting you and you are happy as you are.



But where is the difference between "you're too heavy and need to lose some weight" and "you're too skinny and I'm going to try to feed you up"? Both are criticising the way the person looks and saying you would prefer them to look different.

This is very true. my ex boyfriend was really skinny & had such low self confidence based on the way he looked. i always tried to tell him that i loved the way he looked but would be happier if he put on weight to make him self happier. he should aklways do it for him. i think people think its ok to call skinny people for being skinny but yet turn round and say a fat person is fat then your being sizest & nasty!!!

btw this is in no response to the OP. my opinion on that is that the husband needs to be a little more supportive but ulitmately if you want to lose weight then it has to be for you. I lost 2.5 stone going to classes & the gym at the local lesiure centre. its a lot less scary (and cheaper ) than fitness centres where perfectly made up women dont break into a sweat! (grrr). i think you would find it a lot less daunting. i also think that maybe telling your husband that you find his comments mean and hurtful would be a good start.

jetta_wales

I can understand a partner not feeling exactly happy with it if their husband/wife doesn't keep themselvs to anywhere near the same standards they did when they were first together and I certainly found my ex less attractive when he would practically grow a big beard just because he was too lazy to shave it (honestly that was the only reason for it, the longer it got the more hassle it seemed so the more he avoided doing it lol).

However! I can have a fantastic outfit on, hair done perfectly, make-up all co-ordinated (with help to pick the colours obviously) and look the very best I can, but even with all that and even if I look in the mirror and think I look pretty, I will still feel ten times prettier when my OH says I look beautiful

This is where he's failing you unfortunately but many men are like that it seems. Instead of just pointing out flaws and things YOU should do he should be doing his damnedest to make sure you're happy and feel loved and to do things with you to help you get back to where you were. Like buying bikes or taking an intrest in healthy eating and making you a really nice healthy meal one might. Just a few things like that to show you he's happy to help and put the effort in too and to lavish you with compliments at every step along the way lol can never have too many compliments.

But at the moment he's having completely the oposit affect. You really do need to be open with him and have a good heart to heart about it, really tell him how you feel and how he can help you feel better because pummelling your body confidence even more is really not going to help at all.

My OH loves me dressing all pretty and feminine in summer dresses and sandals not just jeans and t-shirts but he is also happy to take me shopping too and bring me loads of things to try on, try and touch my bum in any dress that's short lol and tell me I look great in lots the outfits, then pays for them all too We usually go to Jane Norman when there's a sale and gets lots (gutted it's closed down now). So it's very much a two way thing and he is more than appreciative of my efforts just as I am of his (though admittedly he looks hot just in steel toe caps and Kevlar work trousers, especially with his top off). Ok I'm just distracting myself now :rotfl:

My point (eventually, sorry) is just that it's give and take and he wants you to give at the moment when he isn't doing anything to help matters either.

dricer

"I've put on weight over the last year (size 10 to 14) and OH comments that I am bigger and I should go to the gym. I did join one but I was too embarassed at my size and lack of fitness to go. He also says that I should get my hair done more often and use sunbeds to make myself look better. I've said I will if he pays for it but funnily enough he hasn't yet."

1. Size 10 -14 is hardly putting on weight! People fluctuate in weight all their lives! He shouldn't tell you that you need to go to the gym, and you need to tell him that it;s not on!

2. The reason people go to the gym is because they want to get fitter and look better. You shouldn't be embarrassed as I can guarantee there will be people there who are more unfit. set yourself a goal each week and you will be back to size 10 in no time.

The most important point is, anything you do needs to be for yourself and no one else. If you feel like you need to loose weight then go for it. If you are happy with your body, don't change!

red_devil

say to him wonder what i think of you.

abacus73

OP you sound really run down and miserable. My advice is to do whatever it takes to turn that around first before tackling any of the problems you percieve you have.

To be honest I think that your only problem is your other half. I dont know whether he is just a touch clueless or whether he is behaving this way to be nasty. You know him best.

I dont see being a size 14 as an issue at all. If the difference between you two being happy is how you look then I think your relationship is on very rocky ground. Love should be about far more than appearances.

Out of interest would you describe your OH to us. Is he a perfect god type? Somehow I dont think so. I bet he has plenty of faults, but doesn't get them pointed out to him, to the degree that he ends up feeling as you are.

pigpen

must_try_harder wrote: »

But where is the difference between "you're too heavy and need to lose some weight" and "you're too skinny and I'm going to try to feed you up"? Both are criticising the way the person looks and saying you would prefer them to look different.

In the fact his clothes are falling off him, his bones are sticking out and of paramount importance.. he knows he is too thin and isn't happy about it. 6ft 4 and 11 stone is not healthy and more than 5ft 3 and 13 stone!

I love him as he is but if he is not happy I will try my best.