Can't do anthing right.....

caledonian_princess

OP, it's not really clear from your post, are you ok with being a size 14? If you are then you need to tell him that you don't have a problem with your weight and he needs to pipe down. If you aren't happy with it think about what has caused the weight gain and see if you can undo the new habits. I gained a lot of weight when I started working from home and when it started getting to me I cut out the chocolate and sweets and started exercising. It's ok to get a dvd and do exercises in your front room if you don't yet have the confidence to be seen out in gym clothes; I know I didn't.

Go the salon for a spray tan next time you want to look tanned, they do it in coats so you can decide how dark you want to go and it won't be streaky or orange.

Do you know why your OH is criticising you? Could he feel threatened by your success at work and want to "bring you down a peg or two"? Has he always been critical? Tbh, in my experience when the person you love gains weight you still love them but if it bothers you then there are tactful ways of helping them reduce their weight. (My ex decided he needed to exercise more when I was losing weight and got me out on my bike, perhaps he wanted me to lose weight; I have no idea because he wasn't unkind enough to tell me but he did encourage me when I decided to lose it.) I think that the criticism of how you look is a symptom of something else since size 14 is hardly obese.

Having said all that... pigpen's suggestions made me giggle, a lot.

jetta_wales

Easiest way to self tan is with the daily gradual tNning moisturisers. They work really well and give a noticeable change after just a few days but are so much more fool proof than the one application tanners and a lot cheaper than paying for a professional tan (which I think still looks too strong tbh).

babymoo

It sounds to me that while you enjoy getting yourself all dolled up you actually only made such an effort for this party because your OH had been asking you too. You thought you looked lovely but you deflated instantly when he didn't tell you what you wanted to hear? You should only ever do anything to your body, wether its dying your hair, fake tanning, losing/putting on weight or anything else because YOU want to.

I think that if you are happy with the way you are then stay the way you are and if he doesn't like that then he is with the wrong girl. There is nothing wrong with being a size 14, I'm a size 14, I went from being a 10 to a 14 and while it got me down at first I soon realised that actually I prefer being curvy and I dont have to watch everything I eat and I dont over obsess about eating a salad rather than a bowl of chips because I might put a pound on and I'm a damn site happier. Some months I lose weight, others I put it on but nothing hugely noticeable.
I have friends who are size 8-10, friends who are same size as me and friends who are size 20+ and the happiest ones out of all of us are us that are size 14. The skinnier girls want to be us and the larger girls want to be us.

As for the house situation then why shouldn't you voice your opinion on where you want to live, if you are going to be paying to live and own somewhere then your entitled to your opinion. If your OH didn't tell you that he didn't like the house that your in before you both bought it then thats his own fault and he should have voiced his opinion. It has to be somewhere you both love.

Well done on the job promotion and I agree with the poster who said you flourish in an environment where your appreciated. You need to start flourishing at home, where what you want to wear, what makes you feel sexy, do your hair and make up if thats what you like but not for your boyfriend and tbh ive always been told that the sexiest thing a woman can have is confidence, so maybe he misses that about you?

I think you should sit him down and you actually do the talking without him opening his mouth, tell him your fed up of the put downs and being told what you should be doing, you are who you are and your happy and if he doesn't like it he knows where the door is because you wont change for any man or tell him that your fed up of the put downs and being told what you should be doing, you are who you are but your not happy and would like his encouragement and him to join in with you losing weight and helping you rather than putting you down and that he needs to notice you a bit more and give you compliments even on the days your in your sweats.

My boyfriend always tells me that actually I always look more gorgeous when I don't even try than when I spend like an hour doing my hair n make up. When he first said this I was quite upset but when he explained that the more natural I look the better it actually gave me a huge confidence boost and made me realise that actually I don't need warpaint etc to get on with my day.

Just on a different note. Do you compliment him and build him up? Do you put him down? Or do you just not notice him?

gratefulforhelp_2

You do need to use a few stone of useless blubber, and when he has moved out you will feel so much better.

With the greatest respect to viktory for being sensible, anyone encouraging you to use sunbeds has no respect for your wellbeing. Please don't, the health risks are real and significant.

I would worry more about this than the weight thing.

jetta_wales

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

You do need to use a few stone of useless blubber, and when he has moved out you will feel so much better.

With the greatest respect to viktory for being sensible, anyone encouraging you to use sunbeds has no respect for your wellbeing. Please don't, the health risks are real and significant.

I would worry more about this than the weight thing.

Yep you should definitely divorce your husband because he suggested sun beds! He clearly wants you brown but cancerous, get the heck out of dodge quick!

:rotfl:

Or folks could calm down a bit

RedwoodBrook

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

You do need to use a few stone of useless blubber, and when he has moved out you will feel so much better.

With the greatest respect to viktory for being sensible, anyone encouraging you to use sunbeds has no respect for your wellbeing. Please don't, the health risks are real and significant.

I would worry more about this than the weight thing.

Amen to that.

I am in a bit of a rush and have only read the opening thread....but please OP....don't use sunbeds.

LegalBlonde

Putting the strain of extra weight on your body has health risks as well and encouraging staying that way and being appalled at OHs for saying otherwise doesn't exactly show respect for well being.

This is not a response to the OP - OP it is like anything smoking, giving up drinking etc, you will only effectively lose weight when you want to do it for the right reasons.

From what I have read you have tried fake tan etc in a rush so are interested in how you look and you say that he offered to pay for things but hasn't, but have you gone and had to pay yourself or have you not gone...

Like anything really, you will only be motiviated to do it for you. I don't think anything you have said has anything to do with breaking up with your OH but increasingly that is the response on these boards.

Good luck if you do eventually come to a place where you want to do it for you x

Any

viktory wrote: »

I think there is a real danger with off loading on any internet forum. We all have days when our husbands/wives/children/dogs drive us mad. None of us are perfect and we say and do things that are thoughtless, inconsiderate or downright stupid. We don't realise how much our actions are actually hurting the people we love. However, I despair when someone comes on here, posts (and remember, it is entirely from their own perspective) about their partners and immediately get told to leave him/her. Can we not give constructive, supportive advise without suggesting that the OP is disparaging about their partners or should immediately leave them - how is that going to help?? In this instance, I think a trip to the Doctors would be beneficial as the OP sounds a bit depressed, then a honest, open heart to heart with her OP would be of more benefit than telling him he has saggy balls, wrinkles and that the OP is leaving him immediately!

I completely, completely agree!!

We do only have 1 side of story. And from personal experience I know that many people moan and moan and moan about their weight if they don't like it, ask you questions "do I look big in this" and go on about loosing weight all the time, but heaven forbid if you do actually react to it!!!!

I have a rule never ever react, I got burned before.

And I also think that OP might need to see doctor in the first place, she does not seem to have any confidence at all and is putting herself down in the fist post (not feeling comfy at gym with size 14??? What kind of gym is that? One adjoined with modelling agency?) and faking headache because OH didn't fuss enough around her.. Oh I know it is nice to be told "you look pretty today", but forget the whole night just because it wasn't said?
So if before OP was happy easy going fun to be with person and now she turned into self doubting person needing assurance, depression might have to do something with it.

LegalBlonde

I totally agree, I am not attempting to diagnose, and there are great dangers with getting advice on forums, but nothing I read prompted me to think bin him. It all seems to be self esteem and view of one's self rather than the way OP is being treated....

Person_one

jetta_wales wrote: »

Yep you should definitely divorce your husband because he suggested sun beds! He clearly wants you brown but cancerous, get the heck out of dodge quick!

:rotfl:

Or folks could calm down a bit

Asking her to use sunbeds is pretty much the equivalent of asking her to start smoking because its an appetite suppressant so she might lose weight.

He might not actively want her to get cancer, but he doesn't care enough to want her to actively avoid the risk factors.