Can't do anthing right.....

Person_one

Gavin83 wrote: »

Do you want to lose weight or you doing it just to please him?

To be honest if my girlfriend put on a lot of weight I'd have to do something, otherwise I just wouldn't find her as attractive anymore and our sex life would start to suffer. I wouldn't tell her she was unattractive though as that just isn't motivating at all but ask her to do some sort of sporting activity or healthy eating plan with me. After all Im sure both partners could benefit from being a bit fitter.

What if your girlfriend had an awful accident or illness that left her looking different permanently? What if she struggled and struggled with her weight until it made her miserable for your sake?

If your feelings about your partner depend on their appearance, you're on a hiding to nowhere. Anything can happen at any time and you need deeper foundations than that.

mandi

pigpen wrote: »

I'd mention to him about hair transplants, point out every grey hair, drooping scrotum and wrinkle... mention there are courses in how to be a better lover and hair dye and maybe a face lift while he is there.

And when you've said all that give Mr Perfect a kick in the nuts from me :whistle::D

pigpen

gocurlygirl wrote: »

this made me laugh-but how often do we ask men to do things or say we dont find them attractive because they are fatter then before

I ask mine to lift things that are too heavy for me or too high up for me to reach and occasionally I ask him to drive me somewhere..

I actually think mine is too skinny and keep feeding him

My XH put on 5 stone over a few years and I can honestly say other than when he was on top it didn't bother me in the slightest

Frittered_Away

I had my OH do this to me (from sz 10 to 16, so I feel your pain) - he thought I was much happier as a size 10 and in his own misguided way was trying to get me back there.

Being greeted with 'the first thing I noticed about you walking towards me was how much your thighs wobble' wasn't the most pleasant of things.
Eventually I said to him that if he didn't ****ing well stop it then I was going to leave him. (I've always been rather flighty though.)

I'd had enough problems with body image that I didn't need him ruining it too, and I would take care of my happiness before caring about him.

Did the trick, he's now lovely I've eased off a bit now with the sensitivity, and he's learned to be properly supportive.

make_me_wise

80s_Child wrote: »

Funnily enough I'm doing really well at work and have been promoted, so thats helped me build my confidence a little (I must be doing something right)
Not sure what would help - guess I needed to get things off my chest a little


I wrote a longer post orginally but I managed to delete it all! Says it all really.....

I think the above paragraph of your quote says it all actually. You flourish and do well in an environment where you are valued and appreciated hun. In these tough economic times when lots of companies are forced to lay people off, your company can see your potential and worth and have promoted you. That speaks volumes about your capabilities. Depending on what you do for a living I think it could also speak in part about how nice your appearance is too. If you work with the public, companies appreciate someone who is always nicely and proffessionally turned out.

You are doing everything right. Sounds to me like your husband has a problem with being loving, supportive and able to comminuicate properly. Is he an insecure type? Only it comes across loud and clear to me that all he does is run you down and undermine you. Almost as if he is reflecting his own insecurities on you to make himself feel better. Not a nice thing to do to anyone, especially if you do these things to the one person you are supposed to love the most.

Tell him to buck his ideas up. You have every right to feel good and proud of yourself

Sambucus_Nigra

He's definitely the weight you should think of losing....

viktory

I think there is a real danger with off loading on any internet forum. We all have days when our husbands/wives/children/dogs drive us mad. None of us are perfect and we say and do things that are thoughtless, inconsiderate or downright stupid. We don't realise how much our actions are actually hurting the people we love. However, I despair when someone comes on here, posts (and remember, it is entirely from their own perspective) about their partners and immediately get told to leave him/her. Can we not give constructive, supportive advise without suggesting that the OP is disparaging about their partners or should immediately leave them - how is that going to help?? In this instance, I think a trip to the Doctors would be beneficial as the OP sounds a bit depressed, then a honest, open heart to heart with her OP would be of more benefit than telling him he has saggy balls, wrinkles and that the OP is leaving him immediately!

Hard_up,_not_happy

I dont think there is anything wrong with you at all. You live with someone who either a) doesn't have a clue how to put an opinion across without hurting someone or b) gets some kind of weird kick out of running you down.

If its the latter I agree with the other posters on here who have said that he is the excess weight you want to shift first and foremost.

All of these supposed faults of yours that hubby constantly points out can be sorted if you feel they need to be. Personally I think a lady who is a size 14 is more attractive than a size 10. Means she may have more womanly curves and look less like a teenager.

Think of it this way, if you want to change things like your weight, hair, dress sense etc etc it can be done. Your husband is stuck with his personality and he could end up pushing people away. A far more tricky trait to alter.

Gopppers

viktory wrote: »

I think there is a real danger with off loading on any internet forum. We all have days when our husbands/wives/children/dogs drive us mad. None of us are perfect and we say and do things that are thoughtless, inconsiderate or downright stupid. We don't realise how much our actions are actually hurting the people we love. However, I despair when someone comes on here, posts (and remember, it is entirely from their own perspective) about their partners and immediately get told to leave him/her. Can we not give constructive, supportive advise without suggesting that the OP is disparaging about their partners or should immediately leave them - how is that going to help?? In this instance, I think a trip to the Doctors would be beneficial as the OP sounds a bit depressed, then a honest, open heart to heart with her OP would be of more benefit than telling him he has saggy balls, wrinkles and that the OP is leaving him immediately!

VERY well written viktory, i applaud you for a brilliant post :T

Gops x

Craftyscholar

Do you still have that gym membership? If so it might be worth going in to see what it is really like, ideally without telling your OH so you can make your own mind up.
Not suggesting you should hide things, but if you decide the place is not right for you, he might use that as another criticism. If they are more friendly than you expected see if you can get an assessment of your fitness etc.