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Gavin83 wrote: »

Do you want to lose weight or you doing it just to please him?

To be honest if my girlfriend put on a lot of weight I'd have to do something, otherwise I just wouldn't find her as attractive anymore and our sex life would start to suffer. I wouldn't tell her she was unattractive though as that just isn't motivating at all but ask her to do some sort of sporting activity or healthy eating plan with me. After all Im sure both partners could benefit from being a bit fitter.

If my partner blew up like a balloon from a size 10 to 14 in a single year the fright I would get from extrapolating that forward would see her down the gym and on a diet or packing her bags.

Gavin83

pigpen wrote: »

And how would you feel if she did the same to you? Would that also be acceptable?

Not meant as a dig at such fickleness.. as weight gain can be a hormone imbalance for either gender or a symptom of illness or due to inability to do high levels of exercise. Obviously if the weight is affecting their ability to live a normal life something should be done but a couple of stone/pounds... well..

Personally if my OH said he thought I should lose weight he would be the weight that went

I am amused that the op's OH wants her to be orange though.. I'd look like an oompa-loompa lol

Honestly? Yes it would be acceptable. If my girlfriend suggested we started exercising together I would either take the hint or take it as a good thing and start. What is wrong with suggesting to your partner that you want both of you to start leading a healthier lifestyle? Thats all I was suggesting, despite the slightly hidden agenda.

Even if she all out said to me I was putting weight on and she didn't find me as attractive I wouldn't be angry with her, I'd take it on board and do something about it.

To be honest I feel quite strongly about this. I originally started a relationship with my girlfriend because we got on well, I liked her attitudes to life and I found her attractive. Surely this is the reason everyone gets together. Is it really fair to expect a partner to be as into the relationship as they were if an original attraction quality changes. If you were originally attracted to a partner because of their ambition for example, and then they became lazy into the relationship no one on here would be critizing their partner for being put off, I don't see why it should be different for looks.

I was sexually attracted to my girlfriend because she ticked all the right boxes for what I looked for in a girl physically and our relationship has continued for as long as it has because we connect on an emotional level as well. Quite simply though if physically she changed in some way that I didn't find attractive then I would find her less sexually attractive. I don't see how this isn't the same for every relationship to be honest. Surely this is one of the reasons that couples start to have less sex into their relationships.

If a physical change is made that wasn't of their own doing then its a slightly harder situation. However I honest believe in 99% of cases weight gain is down to the individual and could be reversed if they were willing to put the effort in.

Please don't suggest Im some sort of hypocrite in my posts though. I would never expect from a partner what I wasn't prepared to do myself, I do a lot of exercise and stay in shape.

Gavin83

Honestly though, I don't see why people in this thread think it's acceptable to gain a lot of weight and still expect their partners to find them as attractive as they did before. This really shouldn't be the case.

dark_lady

What if GOD FORBID a lady/girlfriend/wife went through a trauma such as a mastectomy. How would you deal with something like that because that would change their appearance.
The breast cancer drug Tamoxifen can cause quite a dramatic weight gain and this drug has to be taken for a considerable length of time. Should someone going through this be breaking their back worrying about their weight as well as dealing with all this?!

Gavin83

To be honest if my girlfriend/wife was suffering from breast cancer her physical attractiveness and our sex life would be the last thing on my mind.

We're not talking about this on this thread though, we're talking about a bit of general weight gain.

Roxyfox

I think there's a difference between putting on a lot of weight on going from a 10 to 14.

This lady is on the cusp, she can remain sexy on the cusp she doesn't have to lose weight because a size 14 is acceptable (to the majority) obviously a bit of that is dependant on height but i'm assuming she's 5'4 or above. My mums a size 14 she's a natural beauty gorgeous got less wrinkles than me, she's lost a bit of weight recently but she always wore a size 14 well. So a size 14 might not always be ideal but it isn't a problem either.

However I would feel uncomfortable about being on the cusp so would personally want to adjust my lifestyle for that reason.

I certainly think if I suddenly went from a 10 (I'll be honest I have gone from an 8 to a 10 but I'm working on that) to like say a 16-18 or something and my boyfriend was suddenly so unattracted to me he wanted to leave me on the spot then I'd want him to say before it got that bad give me a heads up to implement change, it's easier to at a size 12-14 to halt the breaks than when you hit size 20. My boyfriend read this and said personally a better way of saying it would be that he wanted to head to the gym would she like to go it'd be fun or let's cook recipes more often, which cuts down on ready meals takeaway or w.e. people get unwantedly from boredom, depression, loneliness, stress. Which I wouldn't be suprised if this guy didn't have a hand in causing he didn't say 'oh we both aren't looking after ourselves much lately' or something like that he told her not just to sort her weight he gave her a list.

Everyones pointing out he has a right to challenge her weight. However I don't think you lot would be so pleased about being told your skin colour or hair should look like. If the OP can't use fake tan I'm guessing it's becos she never has before and never has wanted to. I really don't see the issue with being pale.

Gavin83

Roxyfox wrote: »

I think there's a difference between putting on a lot of weight on going from a 10 to 14.

This lady is on the cusp, she can remain sexy on the cusp she doesn't have to lose weight because a size 14 is acceptable (to the majority) obviously a bit of that is dependant on height but i'm assuming she's 5'4 or above. My mums a size 14 she's a natural beauty gorgeous got less wrinkles than me, she's lost a bit of weight recently but she always wore a size 14 well. So a size 14 might not always be ideal but it isn't a problem either.

However I would feel uncomfortable about being on the cusp so would personally want to adjust my lifestyle for that reason.

I certainly think if I suddenly went from a 10 (I'll be honest I have gone from an 8 to a 10 but I'm working on that) to like say a 16-18 or something and my boyfriend was suddenly so unattracted to me he wanted to leave me on the spot then I'd want him to say before it got that bad give me a heads up to implement change, it's easier to at a size 12-14 to halt the breaks than when you hit size 20. My boyfriend read this and said personally a better way of saying it would be that he wanted to head to the gym would she like to go it'd be fun or let's cook recipes more often, which cuts down on ready meals takeaway or w.e. people get unwantedly from boredom, depression, loneliness, stress. Which I wouldn't be suprised if this guy didn't have a hand in causing he didn't say 'oh we both aren't looking after ourselves much lately' or something like that he told her not just to sort her weight he gave her a list.

Everyones pointing out he has a right to challenge her weight. However I don't think you lot would be so pleased about being told your skin colour or hair should look like. If the OP can't use fake tan I'm guessing it's becos she never has before and never has wanted to. I really don't see the issue with being pale.

Good post btw.

I complete agree with your boyfriend, there are much better ways of putting it than the OP's partner did. I also don't think he has a right to complain about her hair or skin tone, after all she must have presumably looked the same as this when they got together.

I also think dress size is a bad way of judging someones build. Some people could be a size 14 and look amazing, some would just look overweight. It depends on a lot of factors, some women just carry the weight better and it partly depends on height. Same applies to men really.

A question to the OP, out of interest in what kind of shape is your partner?

notechno

I don't like how it's just assumed now that everyone should have a tanned look. I'm very light skinned, and was at a function yesterday. Coming out, some groups were quite drunk, and a man who appeared to be in his 60s turned round to me and said "Hey love, you're supposed to switch a sunbed on, not just lie on it". I don't know this person, and have never used a sunbed in my life, but because I'm fair skinned and don't want to do the whole fake tan thing I'm somehow fair game to be insulted.

Roxyfox

notechno wrote: »

I don't like how it's just assumed now that everyone should have a tanned look. I'm very light skinned, and was at a function yesterday. Coming out, some groups were quite drunk, and a man who appeared to be in his 60s turned round to me and said "Hey love, you're supposed to switch a sunbed on, not just lie on it". I don't know this person, and have never used a sunbed in my life, but because I'm fair skinned and don't want to do the whole fake tan thing I'm somehow fair game to be insulted.

I totally agree with this I'm tanned as a bedsheet and I love being pale, my mother is really pale and people always make comments on it. 'Oh my tan looks so good next to you you should try fake tan' I feel like I have to depreciate my skin colour for other peoples amusement even though I like it. Tan seems to be a status thing for women but most of my male customers seem to prefer pale skin becos it means they can actually see your body.

I think a natural tan is lovely on people or a very subtle well done fake tan but I also really like my colour, I'm proud of my body so I don't want to shroud it in orange. I've also found people who are polite enough to not say anything about your weight etc. in an untactful way are quite happy to insult my skin colour. If I said to a friend 'oh I've put half on a stone on do I look okay' 'yeah you look great etc.' but would then go 'you should try fake tan though'.

I work in a lap dance club and what surprised me the most is that the black girls there fake tan because they think they're too pale. There's a lot of fake tan, fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake boobs, heavy makeup, fish net dresses etc, kinda makes me feel a bit of an odd one out. I'm pale, I dye my hair dark ginger, vintagey style makeup, natural boobs and cutesy frilly underwear. Natural look sells though even in the stripping culture

poly1

dark_lady wrote: »

What if GOD FORBID a lady/girlfriend/wife went through a trauma such as a mastectomy. How would you deal with something like that because that would change their appearance.
The breast cancer drug Tamoxifen can cause quite a dramatic weight gain and this drug has to be taken for a considerable length of time. Should someone going through this be breaking their back worrying about their weight as well as dealing with all this?!

I am so glad someone said this. I have just had a mastectomy and also just finished chemo, which actually made me gain not lose weight :mad:. My partner has been absolutly brilliant in that he has made a point of saying that he was never with me because of my weight/appearance but was with me because I am me. I have lost half my chest and yet he finds me attractive for who I am not what I look like, and believe me I was terrified of what he would think of a mutilated me. I guess what I am trying to say is peoples weight fluctuates over time for all sorts of reasons, you cannot always expect someone to stay the same weight throughout their lives.