How do you deal with infidelity?

Sally42

I've been in a very similar situation to yours & I chose to stay, however I will never rest easy, never trust, never love my husband in the same way again. If you decide to stay, rest assured that it WILL happen again ~ and your husband will always have a link with 'the other woman' via their child. Sorry if I sound harsh, but it's a harsh situation. Your husband set out to look for someone else (as did mine, and still does); it didn't just 'happen', he made it happen, with effort and perseverance and in the knowledge that the result would devastate you, should you find out. Do you really want to be with a person who can willingly do that to you?
Message me if you'd like to talk, or scream or anything in between ~ I know JUST how you feel.

Sequeena

I am so sorry!

NickyBat

My god, i don't have any advice for you, not even sure how i would react in your situation. You can save a marriage after an affair but this is on a whole different level since he has made her pregnant, that must be absolutely gut wrenching for you.

ukjoel

xxxxhelpxxxx wrote: »

She sent him an email with a list of "alternative clothing" she wanted. Why would she send him a wish list of pervy gear?

His phone has a password lock on it. Why is his phone locked – it never, ever has been before – why now. I
What the hell do I do now?

Maybe talk to him.

The fact you havent by this point sort of suggest what has gone wrong in this relationship. I have read the two pages of 'kick him out' posts which will no doubt flame me like a kebab but I see it this way.

You stop talking, probably stop getting intimate, and the marriage becomes one of convenience.

He still has needs, and maybe you have too but you dont talk or discuss them so its easier for him to browse the net for some other stimulation.

On the way he discovers this woman - she is in same boat, bored, frustrated and so the affair begins.

Now he is labelled a nasty old man because he wanted to be happy.
Has he killed someone, is he a child molester, has he claimed too much tax credit - NO - he just wants to be happy.

Try talking to him, not us, not other strangers on the internet, not your sister, but him.

Lifes too short to spend it being miserable and regretting things. Either fix it or leave it.

pigpen

How about having his knackers in a vice in the shed... give him a rusty hacksaw and set the shed alight... ???

I lived with my ex (KH) for 3 month knowing he was sleeping around.. the crabs kind of gave it away.

Pack his bags... and throw the tramp out!! If she wants him that much let her have him.. you need to have done with your enabling and ignoring 'for a peaceful life' .. if this was a situation with your sister.. what would you tell her????

Every second you spend with him is a second of your new life without him wasted... kick him out and don't lie to the girls.. they deserve the truth they are not babies they can handle it..

How about you say 'I believe you have something to tell me.... ' and don't let up until he tells you.

Everyone probably does know.. all those 'friends' that you used to see more regularly than you do now.. most of them know and are staying away because they don't want to get involved.. that makes me sick.. I've had that done.. 'oh yeah we knew but didn't like to say'.. but you liked seeing me unhappy and having no support and had I not known you'd have let me carry on for how long?

They won't be laughing at you, they will pity you.. that is worse!!!!

*doodle*_2

pigpen wrote: »

How about having his knackers in a vice in the shed... give him a rusty hacksaw and set the shed alight... ???

My thoughts exactly. Chuck his belongings in a bag and tell the lying, cheating [EMAIL="scumb@g"]scumb@g[/EMAIL] to do one and get yourself checked out at the STI clinic just in case.

Seriously, life is too short to put up with selfish idiots.

make_me_wise

Pigpen I love your posts. Subtle and to the point :beer:

paddy's_mum

It sounds like the other woman knew full well that he was married ... which alters the case somewhat. OP - can you confirm whether this is the case?

Could it be that she is as duped and betrayed as you, in which case presumambly pity might well be the order of the day.

pigpen

make_me_wise wrote: »

Pigpen I love your posts. Subtle and to the point :beer:

Sorry...

I just find it so sad people make excuses and cover up for their cheating spouse when all the time they are unhappy and mistreated and deserve so much better..

Why do people do stuff like this when they have a loving wife/husband? I don't understand.

make_me_wise

No need to apologise pigpen, I completely agree with you. I cant fathom why someone would treat a partner so badly. If you stop loving someone tell them, walk away - painfull initially yes, but far less so than staying and making their life a living hell.