How do you deal with infidelity?

mandragora_2

Knowledge is power - at the moment, he's hoping (assuming) you don't know. Go and see a solicitor, the best divorce lawyer you can find. Negotiate a free initial interview, and work out what questions you really need to know the answers to in order to plan the next step and, in all likelihood that HAS got to be about getting him out of your life, and about making you and the children as secure as possible. There are some practical steps you are able to take, and then, as soon as you are ready, he goes. It will not be easy or worry free, but you can't live the rest of your life like this.

xxxxhelpxxxx

darlyd wrote: »

Am so sorry for your situation. You need to think about what YOU want.

If you want your marriage to work, you need to confront him, tell him a story about a friend of yours. (really it's you and him). And go from there. Only you know what to do. And how to handle it..

I been there with emails, But we were going through such a bad time, long distant relationship, we did split a little, THEN he stopped contacting me, and something told me to check his email, and right there, my heart was broken. But we worked it out, and 3 years later are still together, I can't forget what happened, and it has made me even more buddy insecure, but I get on with it. I to am afraid of being on my own, financial side of things etc. But I can also see, I could not be without him, I do love him so much, he has his faults, he is a flirt (but never physically cheated), But I can't let him go.

Glad to hear you are still together. I could just about cope with email contact and internet flirting because I knew nothing was happening. But knowing that he has got another woman pregnant is a step too far!!! I don't know I'll ever be able to forgive or forget that. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick inside. It was bad enough when I thought he was flirting with someone close to home. He invited me out to lunch with him, her and another bloke. He told me that this other bloke was after S but it appears not.

I hate the fact that other people probably know about what has been happening. Some of these people are mutual friends, some of them more his than mine, but still mutual. I feel they have been laughing at me and knowing what has been going on behind my back.

podperson

I really think you do need to get some financial advice, as someone has mentioned try and get a free legal session to see what you might be able to get in the event of a divorce and also try somewhere like CAB to see what help and benefits you would be able to get on your own. Is selling the house something that would be option for you? It might seem drastic but sometimes we can get so attached to material things that they end up being put before our own wellbeing - would it be the end of the world if you moved into a rented house? Especially when the alternative is putting up with this kind of treatment. And I don't want to be harsh but if he's said before about divorcing you when the youngest turns 18 - tbh this shows he's the kind of horrible person capable of that!

caledonian_princess

I very much doubt that they've been laughing at you, more likely they've either said something directly to your husband (as the FB wall shows) or they just think that he's being a complete **** but don't think that it's their place to tell you. People aren't usually that cruel that they laugh at other people being deceived.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

**Patty**

Being brutally honest.......Walk. In fact, run like hell.

IF the house is in his name only and so are all/most of the bills, what have you really got to lose by finding a private rent for you & your children (and the little grandchild)?

It's easy to find out online (turn2us) about what you would be entitled to help with & then go from there.

Yes, you will get folk that say *oh but what about your share in the house* but if you get a half-decent solicitor they should be able to negotiate a settlement when you are settled elsewhere.

first stop: solicitor.

second stop: Shoe shop for some butt-kicking boots:D

Good luck x

Because nowhere in your OP does it say you actually want this to work out.

robpw2

im with the boot him out brigade

Emmzi

are you married?

did you give up work to look after the kids?

part of me reckons he is hanging on until oldest is out of FT education as you have a right to stay in the matrimonial home until they are (assuming you are primary carer)...

He is probably cacking himself over how much you can take him for in a divorce.

Solicitor in the morning please. Facts first. Then action.

clearingout

Before booking an appointment with a solicitor or the CAB, have a good look on this website: https://www.wikivorce.com where people know and understand what you're doing through and where you can post your financial details and people will give you an idea of what you can expect. Get a feel for what separation and divorce means, what's involved, what could happen in a worst case scenario if your husband plays games or won't co-operate and THEN draw up a list of questions and have your free half hour with a solicitor (or more than one solicitor).

This is a situation you can't be expected to put up with. Do not think about other people and what they might be thinking. Most of them will think he's an idiot and will be worrying about you but don't know how to tell you. Delete him on Facebook, lock down the account and don't be tempted to google him or get friends to help you with that. His life, nothing to do with you.

He has got another woman pregnant which means he's been having unprotected sex with who knows how many women? Does he care about the possible effects of that on you? Unless you're using condoms (and probably even if you're using condoms), you need to consider a visit to the local clinic. I'm sorry to have to say that - I had to do it too and it is a dreadful experience.

There is life after this betrayal and you will pick yourself up and move on, even if it doesn't feel like it now. I went through something similar - my ex left me in the very early stages of pregnancy and the girlfriend took the news of my pregnancy dreadfully, almost as if it was me who had been sleeping with her husband! We (my ex and I), have never actually got over it and our on-going relationship is dreadful. But I also know his life is miserable (not that he'd ever admit it) and the best revenge I have had is getting on with my life, smiling at him, trying to never let him see how upset I was (still am) and just, well, getting on with it! Don't let him and this situation destroy you - see it as a door opening rather than one closing. Take care.

scooby088

Get rid, sounds like you shouldv'e done this years ago.

make_me_wise

xxxxhelpxxxx wrote: »

I am waiting for him to say something to me and it is killing me. I have my sister to talk to and a friend down the road who knows as well. He has got to tell me himself - I want that satisfaction. I have thought to myself that I will give it until the middle of the week.

He has always jokingly said that he is going to divorce me when the youngest is 18 anyway. Maybe not such a joke after all.

What the hell do I do now?

Dont get the bit I have highlighted from your original post. What satisfaction is there to get, by letting this god awful mess go on a minute longer? You are dealing with a bloke who sounds like a spineless idiot. He isn't going to confess all and be full of remorse and beg for another chance.

He is waiting for you to front him with it, go ballistic and throw him out. Then he can play the 'how hard done by am I' act with the new bit of fluff and she will take him in out of sympathy.

Your chidlren are nearly adults themselves. You wont need to walk away from them, you can stay together as a family unit.

Claim back some self respect, tell him you know everything. My friend fronted her husband with a similar situation a few years back. I dont know how she did it but she didn't shout, rant and rave or get upset with him. Just stayed incredibly cool and told him it was over and to leave. It completely threw him because she gave him the impression she felt well rid of him. Not what he was expecting at all.