Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Welshdebtor

If he is older and you ask for his age (not his name) do you think she would lie to protect him?That is the worry I guess.

Would it not be better to go for the name? Highlighting he has a right to be informed. But him being informed does not have any bearing on her decision. You could even offer to be with her/in the next room when she tells him, if she is worried he may get angry. That said if he is alot older I would not invite him around etc.

What do others think? Would pushing for too much info make her withdraw from her mothers support?

poppyfield19

All of the nice comments are appreciated very much x

poppyfield19

I would like to know what others think too - I know I need to be the one to ask her.

However, what do I ask - his age, who he is, if I know him, if she agreed to it - all of those things? Where do I start?

Errata

poppyfield19 wrote: »

Thank you - I'm trying to work out in my head how to 'word' what I say to her to be honest.

It can't be easy. Something along the lines of " been a very difficult 24 hours for both of us...........you came to me for love and support in a very difficult situation for you, and you know that you have it........it's hard for you, but from now on you have to act like a grown up........secrets are for little girls like your sisters..........I need to know who the father is so I can help and support you in the right ways............then we can face things together........."

If that doesn't break the barrier down, then I suggest you tell her you're very afraid that the reason she won't tell you is because the father is one of her teachers and that leaves you with no option but to go to the school tomorrow to discuss things with her head of year.

POPPYOSCAR

Welshdebtor wrote: »

If he is older and you ask for his age (not his name) do you think she would lie to protect him?That is the worry I guess.

Would it not be better to go for the name? Highlighting he has a right to be informed. But him being informed does not have any bearing on her decision. You could even offer to be with her/in the next room when she tells him, if she is worried he may get angry. That said if he is alot older I would not invite him around etc.

What do others think? Would pushing for too much info make her withdraw from her mothers support?

Yes that is the danger.

Perhaps mum could just 'feel the water' and start asking gentle questions and if she thinks she is withdrawing perhaps change the subject. I don't think demanding to be told is really a good thing at this early stage.

Person_one

poppyfield19 wrote: »

I would like to know what others think too - I know I need to be the one to ask her.

However, what do I ask - his age, who he is, if I know him, if she agreed to it - all of those things? Where do I start?

Trying to recall my child protection training...

Don't ask leading questions, so no "Is he older?" "Are you scared of him?" instead start with "Could you tell me about him and about how you know each other?" and let her talk.

Make sure she knows that she won't be in any trouble and you won't be angry with her whoever the dad is.

Its a tough one, good luck.

Violetta_2

I think the poster who said you should let her know you are scared for her, of who it is , had the right idea. Just that you are worried that someone has taken advantage of her or hurt her & that she can tell you anything, if he will be angry, let her know you will try to protect her. The rest of it will hopefully come out.

pelirocco

Dave101t wrote: »

she seems to be quite immature about the whole thing, protecting his identity in case he 'gets angry', what else will he do? hit her, you should be calling the police because what she has done is a crime.

And what crime has SHE committed?

poppyfield19

Person one that sounds a good way to ask it, thank you.

polejunkie

You could try the line of 'I need to know who it is, we don't have to tell him if you don't want just yet but I need to know in case we know him and you want to avoid him just whilst you get your head around it'

I wouldn't pressure her any more than that. No at the moment.