Daughter is pregnant - at 15!

Caroline73_2

That's why I suggested just ascertaining whether it was consensual or not. It maybe enough to just that and the daughter may open up.

poppyfield19

Yes, I'll let her know that I'm worried about her. That's definitely no lie - she probably doesn't realise how worried I am though regarding who he is.

RAS

Something like "What do you think the father would decide re keeping the baby?" "Would he want to be involved in the decision about keep the baby/abortion/adoption?" "If you keep the baby, would he be able to support it, want to have contact?" Basically getting the idea across that two of them made the baby and it is not just her responsibility to take the pressure.

That may lead to some explanation as to what sort of person he is; give you an idea if this is a teenage crush that "went to far" or someone older. Once she is talking about his possible reactions, it may be easier to let out his name.

If she clams up, maybe you have to explain your worries; that this might be the result of forced sex or someone in a position of responsibility abusing their trust. If it is not either of those, she will be keen to disabuse you.

POPPYOSCAR

Person_one wrote: »

Trying to recall my child protection training...

Don't ask leading questions, so no "Is he older?" "Are you scared of him?" instead start with "Could you tell me about him and about how you know each other?" and let her talk.

Make sure she knows that she won't be in any trouble and you won't be angry with her whoever the dad is.

Its a tough one, good luck.

Yes, I agree a good way to go.

pelirocco

Dave101t wrote: »

the crime of underage sex. or is it only men who are the guilty party?

I believe the crime is to have sex with an underage person ( with exceptions that have been mentioned before )


Oh how i miss the rolleyes smiley

WelshBluebird

vax2002 wrote: »

She can not "consent" she is under 16. The law exists for a very good reason.
A lot on here dont agree with that law, some are even angered by it, but it is the law.

Can you please stop posting things that are:
1 - Factually wrong.
2 - Give no help to the OP.

You are correct in that she cannot strictly "consent", however the law is not that simple. If both parties are underage, but over 13, then it is not classed as statutory rape as long as it was "consenting" (meaning that shed agreed to have sex, not the legal definition). If that is the situation, then it is likely very little would be done as there is no real point, especially as if you are going to charge the father with something, you would also surely have to charge the daughter with something?

Now, if the father is older, then of course that is a huge concern. However, you are not helping by going on about situations that may not be true. The situation will make itself clearer over time, and then the OP can decide what to do. What is needed right now is for her to be supported, not bullied into telling her mother something she does not want to.

Wilma33

I would just keep it simple and say "Who is the father? It is really important that I know." and then remain silent.

You need to know. Asking his age, whether you know him, whether she consented etc is still going to leave you guessing.

Where was she about 12 weeks ago? Have you checked your diary to try and jog your memory?

Person_one

Dave101t wrote: »

the crime of underage sex. or is it only men who are the guilty party?

Under 16s aren't 'guilty' unless they're sleeping with children under 13, regardless of gender.

Google 'age of consent' or 'consent laws UK' for more information and try to resist the urge to post until you know what you're talking about.

Errata

One thing's for sure, the conversation won't be easy but it only has to happen once. Stick it out Poppy, and try not to let her slither out of it. If she does, then I guess you have even more reason to be worried about who the father is. And I guess you need to let her know that very clearly.

looby75

I would sit her down and say something along the lines of, "ok we've got the doctors bit out of the way and I know you have plenty to think about there but thats only half the situation is it. We really need to talk about the dad. I'm really proud of how mature you've been over all this so far and I need you to carry on that way and talk to me about him. It doesn't matter who he is or how it happened, you aren't in trouble and I won't let anyone be angry with you or hurt you."

But if she still refuses to talk then I think it might be a good idea to have a word with your GP or even a midwife to see what they suggest.