Feeling rich and lost...

Despera

Dawning wrote: »

Too much focus on material things, and competing with the other yummy mummy's, not enough focus on what's really important in life.
It's either a work/life balance problem, or you're a wind up merchant, or you're incredibly insensitive bragging about how much money youve got and how bloody miserable you are on a board where people are struggling daily to afford food and heat their homes.

Excuse me if my thread offends you but your comment is really unnecessary.

I am far from bragging and it was never my intention to do so. As for people on this board, many of them also open threads about buying buy-to-lets, inheriting houses and having negligible mortgages on big houses due to huge appreciation of their properties. The forum is quite versatile and we all have our own problems.

Despera

Just a small note about 90K in the bank - it is the deposit for the 300K house we are buying so we will have nil after completion.

blue_monkey_2

Despera wrote: »

The problem is, I already live in the countyside. And in my countyside, £300k will buy me a 3-bed ex-council semi, not a 4-bed detached, if I am after a good catchment area for secondary schools. Actually the initial idea was that we live there for 3-4 years, get the older one in, and then we can move to a bigger house for the same money on the other side of the town.

My area is expensive, first we moved here when my OH worked locally and over time it just became home, so here we are.

Thanks for your reassuring words about the kids adapting quickly. I AM considering moving the older one to the school to which he can walk on his own (thus freeing up a lot of my time) but feel concerned about him leaving behind not only his current "outstanding" school but also his friends.

Can I ask then, why do you HAVE to move? Why can you not stay where you are and give up your day job if you do not need the money?

You need to strike a balance. You could move further away from where you are. I am guessing you are in one of the home Counties - all of which have a main line into London. Move further away from those areas and get the train.

Or, move further away and find a house cheap enough then you'll be able to afford to give up work. If you are at home your husband will not have to be and you'll have more time for the kids and be there when you need to.

I am sorry to sound harsh, I am not going to start saying 'we are all struggling' but it can only be YOU that decides what you want from life. You clearly cannot afford the lifestyle you desire (and yes, I do use this word as everything you have mentioned is a want, not a neccessity) what happened along the way that made you desire these things so badly? Why do you feel such a failure in not providing these things? Or for giving your children 'the best'?

You sound envious of what others have, you seem not to have any peace in what you do have and this needs to change. This is why I would suggest a week, maybe 2, off leaving work at home. To decide what it is you want from your life if you cannot have the things that you want.

Whatever you decide, make the most of your children now. They are only little for a fraction of your life, do not waaste that time as you will never get it back. You can work again later when they are all grown up and they no longer *need* you (sob! it happens quicker than you realise).

CH27

Despera wrote: »

Thanks. I have a childminder that takes my younger one to nursery but I have to get her to the childminder first - so it is still an extra car journey for me in the morning.

Are there people who can come and collect the children in the morning, do the drop off, then the pick up, and then drive them home?

I think you should drop work hours rather than miss precious time with your children.
The school gate days don't last forever. Make the most of them.

blue_monkey_2

Despera wrote: »

Just a small note about 90K in the bank - it is the deposit for the 300K house we are buying so we will have nil after completion.

Yes, but if you bought a cheaper house then you would have more money and there would be money left in the bank

I live about 25 minutes on the mainline into London. Drive 10 minutes from that station and you are in the countryside and there are houses going unsold with an acre of land - we have been watching the prices drop - for 275k. There is a beautliful little school in the village with a good Ofsted report, we are right on top of town, want a night in London then hop of a train, get a cab, no drinking, cheap cab home.

Want a private school there are several in the area - one 3 miles and one 8 miles from that village.

There are opptions out there if you look for them, but if you are looking for things that are out of your reach then you are always going to be miserable and looking for things you cannot have. There is ALWAYS going to be someone who has more, bigger better than you. We will never have our own house, however we are happy with what we do have. Being envious of others is absolutely pointless, they could be living well beyond their means to get those things.

I spoke to someone the other day as she had gone to a funeral. One of her cousins had a very expensive car on the drive, has lots of foriegn holidays and had a big house. My friend mentioned this to her father who said 'she would give all of that up for a child'. She wanted one but IVF did not work and so 'all' she has is her job, money and house. They are just things. If the important stuff is missing from our life they are just meanless, pointless 'things'.

Don't assume that everyone you see that is smiling, is happy. That's all.

KiKi

Despera wrote: »

Just a small note about 90K in the bank - it is the deposit for the 300K house we are buying so we will have nil after completion.

I'm still not sure you understand what I was saying. You managed to save / accumulate still have NINETY THOUSAND POUNDS sitting in a bank account. You might be spending it on a house, but then it's equity.

I did start this thread with sympathy, but this comment makes me wonder. You might have 'nil' after completion, but you'll have a lovely house, and you're still saving £2K a month, so it won't be nil for long. In fact, it won't be nil at all, because you said you've been putting your salary aside and not touching it.

If you're not prepared to reconsider your own attitude to money and what you have (you did ask for external views!) then this feeling will never change and you will live under a cloud of disappointment for the rest of your life. How tragic if you do.

You cannot achieve the life you want on the salary you're on, so take some time out, think about what's really important to you and focus on that. To declare that once you buy a house you'll have nothing is absurd! If you won't move to somewhere cheaper, and if you can't get a job earning more, and if you won't give up one of your jobs then there's nothing more anyone can say.

KiKi

SandC

Can I ask Despera - do you love your full time job? You have only been doing it 5 months and this seems to have triggered the whole displeasure with your lifestyle.

How did you feel before you took the job? Like you needed more money? How about your husband, are you both on the same page with the working, house and school issues?

Honestly if you are simply not spending any of your full time job pay then I dont understand why you are doing it. I think this is what needs answering.

Despera

blue_monkey wrote: »

what happened along the way that made you desire these things so badly? Why do you feel such a failure in not providing these things? Or for giving your children 'the best'?

You sound envious of what others have, you seem not to have any peace in what you do have and this needs to change.

You are spot on, really spot on. I don't know how it happened but I do feel a failure.

I don't envy others, it's not that - I feel disappointed in myself and my husband for not being able to give my kids the same.

My son gets invited to houses which cost at least 500K. I feel ashamed about inviting his friends back to our very lovely but still ex-council house (for which we are about to pay a lot but still that's what we can afford). He also attends an educational group on weekends and nearly all children his age go to private schools. I feel compel to send him to one to just to "fit in".

It is just hard to realise that even with 83K joint income we are the "poor" ones.

I don't know where it came from but I do feel that I am obliged to offer my children the best or I am just a lousy mother who should try harder.

Despera

Jesus, I just remembered how we moved from a 1-bed flat to a 3-bed house (when we were renting) and I felt so happy and so accomplished! I didn't even consider private schools then and was very proud to own and run my own sweet little car. And it was just 2 years ago.

What the hell is wrong with me now?

CH27

Despera wrote: »

You are spot on, really spot on. I don't know how it happened but I do feel a failure.

I don't envy others, it's not that - I feel disappointed in myself and my husband for not being able to give my kids the same.

My son gets invited to houses which cost at least 500K. I feel ashamed about inviting them back to our very lovely but still ex-council house (for which we are about to pay a lot but still that's what we can afford). He also attends an educational group on weekends and nearly all children his age go to private schools. I feel compel to send him to one to just to "fit in".

It is just hard to realise that even with 83K joint income we are the "poor" ones.

I don't know where it came from but I do feel that I am obliged to offer my children the best or I am just a lousy mother who should try harder.

Money does not buy happiness
Money does not contentment
Money doesn't love your kids
Money doesn't love you! It enslaves you
Money does not hold your family together. You do.

Money provides a roof, food & warmth which is vital. Amy more is a bonus.