Feeling rich and lost...

Dawning

Too much focus on material things, and competing with the other yummy mummy's, not enough focus on what's really important in life.
It's either a work/life balance problem, or you're a wind up merchant, or you're incredibly insensitive bragging about how much money youve got and how bloody miserable you are on a board where people are struggling daily to afford food and heat their homes.

Idiophreak

Barneysmom wrote: »

That's kind of what I was inferring. I don't know why you say I was out of order.

Because you were trying to make out like your problems were worse than the OPs, which frankly isn't the case. We all have our own problems and our own issues and they're not any better or worse than anyone elses.

Anyway, a few words for OP:
1) You're not *that* rich...You've got some good savings, but your incomes aren't that spectacular. My fianc!e and I have very similar wages to you two (aside from the freelancing work) and we're in our mid-twenties. We live in a property worth about half the one you're buying and every month's a battle to save for a wedding. Clearly you're not making bad money, and you seem to be spending sensibly when you can, but you're not exactly the upper class...

2) It's only the house you can't fix. You claim you have £1700/month you don't touch. Start touching it! Save for three months, you can take the kids on that holiday to Florida you envy. Spend £300/month and get yourself a new car. So what if you need it? If it will improve your quality of life and make you feel like you're getting somewhere, it's a decent use of your money...Or, if the house is really the biggest thing, save for two years - you could add another 40k of deposit to your next place....or think about moving out to the country...Maybe think about extending your new home to add value...Your ability to change your life is only limited by your commitment to do it!

Anyway, hope you start feeling brighter soon! I've been through a bunch of phases already when I feel like I'm treading water, not getting to where I want to be...but it passes. xx

CH27

Make a list of what makes you really happy.
Prioritise that list & start to get rid of the stuff that drags you down.
I think you have forgotten how to take a breath & reflect and appreciate what you have achieved.

WASHER

Personally, I don't think you realise how fortunate you are.

You could give up the second job without any financial hardship, you have a home and two lovely children, you need to prioritise your work/life balance.....no one ever said I wish I spent more time working on their deathbed.

Be content with what you have. Moving to a 400+ house isn't going to make your life any easier/any less stressful, your second job needs to take a back seat for a while until your children are older imho. You are bringing the stress on yourself and only you can reduce this.....it's a no brainer.

WASHER.x.

SandC

I wouldn't worry about what others appear to have or do. They could be up to their necks in debt or they could've spent their earlier years being very prudent. And not every high paying job means working all hours. I work for a director of our company and he finishes at 5pm most days and makes sure he takes all his 6 weeks hols per year. Such is the culture of our particular firm. And when you are at a certain level you can get such perks as coming in after you've done the school run - blokes just as much as women. Even better if they've got a PA who can make sure the diary accommodates it.

You seem to have a little 'rainy day' syndrome which I have too. A really old car yet money in the bank? Yup. But my philosophy is that it's old so why change it now when I might as well wait until it dies a dignified or nondignified death?

You could analyse this until you are blue in the face but what it probably boils down to is that you wanted a high flying career before you had children and now that you do have children you want to do it all in case you get to a certain age and regret it. You are finding that it's very difficult to do it all.

How about you start with getting a cleaner, start thinking about an au pair too as the summer hols will be with us in weeks and then there will be more stress. Make sure you take what leave you are entitled to - no business ever had one working mum who was indispensable - make sure you have holidays booked so that you can spend time as a family. Use your salary for that.

I know people who earn quite a lot of money but don't have time to enjoy it. So they end up with the spoils of that money. Cars, houses, beautiful clothes for work but didn't have a holiday in five years cos they didn't have time.

Caroline73_2

do you think your kids will appreciate the fact you worked every minute, were permanently exhausted and then stashed your salary every month? or will they see it as mum was too busy/tired to spend quality time with us?

we weren't well off when I was little. my mum was widowed and worked full time. when she wasn't working she spent all her time doing the housework. we couldn't afford big holidays but she never even took us to the park. I appreciate how hard she worked to give us a decent standard of living but I wish somedays she left the ironing pile or not use her annual leave to catch up on the gardening or decorating. Can you see what I'm saying.

blue_monkey_2

Despera wrote: »

No problem.

What puzzles me though is that among my peers I observe something completely opposite: mothers not working or working part-time, families living in nice houses, kids in private schools, holidays in Florida. How on Earth do they do that?

Investment banker husbands? Whom I also see around the school at the pick-up so obviously not working 24/7 either...

Maybe someone very close and special to them died and left them the money. Maybe they have lost both parents and inherited. Would you like to swap with them for a nice new house.

My friend has a nice house and a business - however, to 'get' that she lost her father. My other friend has a nice new house, to get that her husband lost his grandmother.

Whatever we have we will never be completely happy with. MOney does not bring fulfillment and enrichment. I think you need a few eeks off work - leave everything at home - and go and regain sight of what it is you want from life.

And a good Ofsted report does not mean a good school, ours was dire but it is the most lovely nurturing school ever and the next Ofsted came back different as the head changed after the last one.

blue_monkey_2

Also, the area that you live or clearly want to live, you are going to spend your whole life 'keeping up' with the jones'.

The people next door to us have brand new cars, one of them a BMW. You know what, they are not theirs! One comes with their job, the other is leased cheap because of the job. Yet to everyone else, they have a nice car. They have lots of nice things and holidays away, but they are not 'happy'. DH head the bloke next door (he was in the loft and head everything, LOL) complaining to his mate that he wanted to be with him and not doing family stuff.

All the money in the world cannot buy you happiness and contentment. I would consider moving, buying somewhere cheaper and giving up the day job and spend more time on the job you love - which will work perfectly around the house and children.

Your children do not need to go to the best school in the country. If you buy somewhere cheaper, maybe the money you have saved will pay for private school from age 11 if you are worried about their education.

We have moved, children are more resiliant than you think and they find new friends quickly. Heck, they fall out with the ones they have every week anyway.

I think it is YOU that does not want to move and YOU that wants the house. You have said yourself that it is YOU that wants to live in London. Why not aim for this when the kids have grown up? The reality of living in London is that there is lots of pollution, people are too buy to say hello to each other, you cannot park your car outside your house, you have to pay the congestion charge, move the car you might not get parked when you get home.

Stand back and have a good think - move to the countryside, pay £300k for a 4 bedroom detached house and get the train to work if you still feel the need to do it. Then you can afford your car and your holiday too.

Despera

Thanks a lot for all responses.

The project completed and submitted on time.

I will wait for the lunch hour to reply to posts!

pelirocco

Despera wrote: »

No problem.

What puzzles me though is that among my peers I observe something completely opposite: mothers not working or working part-time, families living in nice houses, kids in private schools, holidays in Florida. How on Earth do they do that?

Investment banker husbands? Whom I also see around the school at the pick-up so obviously not working 24/7 either...

Maybe they dont save all of their salary ?