Feeling rich and lost...

Spendless

Find yourself a childminder/breakfast club for the school run. Your 4 yo doesn't 'need' a private school. Put her in a good state one and save the money on the school fees even going up to the end of Primary school years. I've said it before on here, but I've recently been amazed how paying a tutor for DS's weakest subject, literacy made such a massive difference in 4 x 1hr sessions. It cost me £60, less than what it would cost for a week at Private school.:p The money you save may well mean you can then eventually afford a larger house.

Also, starting new jobs, moving house are stressful times. You perhaps need a few days break?

belfastgirl23

I think you're totally crazy.

Why would you buy a hugely expensive house you don't want in a catchment area where you won't get your kids into a decent school in order to live near a job you don't need that's exhausting you?

All I would say is that you are letting the tail wag the dog a bit. Leaving closeness to your work aside, what would your priorities be? If you weren't thinking about living near your job where would you live?

And what are your priorities. If they are having enough money for the day to day and having the kids in good schools then maybe a radical move should be on the cards...

BTW I do understand that if you're worrying where the next penny is coming from, you might feel this isn't much of a dilemma. But it's the classic money vs quality of life issue seen from the other angle and it sounds like a very real worry for the OP

poet123

Despera wrote: »

We try to go easy on heating to save on bills (that's why I hate winter because I always feel cold). And I think nothing of buying a reduced pack of mince which I do like to bulk out with veg.

But you are right in every word.

I am afraid I agree with BM, money is only worth what it extracts from your life to get it. If you are running to stand still, the extra salary is taking from your life, rather than giving to it.

You are seeing first hand that although money is important it is not the panacea for all ills. So, either, decide to reduce the hours of your second job, and that will enable you to actually enjoy your family, or resign yourself to current lack of work life balance for long term gain.

All I would say is that you cannot keep this up indefinitely, as eventually something will have to give.

Despera

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I think you're totally crazy.

Why would you buy a hugely expensive house you don't want in a catchment area where you won't get your kids into a decent school in order to live near a job you don't need that's exhausting you?

All I would say is that you are letting the tail wag the dog a bit. Leaving closeness to your work aside, what would your priorities be? If you weren't thinking about living near your job where would you live?

And what are your priorities. If they are having enough money for the day to day and having the kids in good schools then maybe a radical move should be on the cards...

BTW I do understand that if you're worrying where the next penny is coming from, you might feel this isn't much of a dilemma. But it's the classic money vs quality of life issue seen from the other angle and it sounds like a very real worry for the OP

Thank you for your post.

This is not a hugely expensive house - that's what they cost here, unfortunately!

I guess I am kind of going with the flow. My older child goes to school with an outstanding Ofsted rating and is very happy there - it's me who is not sure whether he gets enough stimulation there, although I really wanted him to get a place in that school based on its reputation. My daughter got into a good school but it is expanding so I am not sure about it either anymore, although it was a first choice.

We have lived in this town for 6 years and both I and my OH only recently took jobs in London. At first I was the one who didn't want to move from our town because we felt so happy and settled there, with a network of friends, etc. Only now I don't really see them that often.

I didn't NEED this other job but I love it - it is combining it with self-employment and commuting and school runs which makes my life hard.

You know what I would really, really want if I could choose? I want to live in London, always wanted.

But I am not on my own anymore, I had kids too soon and my OH is quite happy where we are, not to mention that moving will uproot the kids as well as me because I would have to create a whole new social circle and it was hard enough the first time around. And we do live in the area with good state schools whereas all my London girls say that the in London you can only get decent secondary education in private schools.

And I am not going for a change because I am tired of making decisions which turn out all wrong. I am not even sure if our moving to London wouldn't end badly too, if we were to do it.

ERICS_MUM

I'm not diagnosing but could there be an underlying health issue such as anaemia or under-active thyroid that is making you tired and dragging you down ? Are you happy with your hubby ?

You seem a bit of a perfectionist and also try to cram as much into 24 hours as you can. Things go wrong in life and you need to have space and time to deal with them. When the broken shoe heels give you such grief you know you need to scale back a bit otherwise you are going to implode.

You have a lot of expectations of life, but in my personal opinion the best expectation is to enjoy a good life with your husband and children, ensuring that your kids learn lessons for life from their parents.

Please take on board the very good suggestions from all us posters before you jeopardise your health, work and family.

Take care of yourself.

Linda xxx

PS I worked horrendous hours in the City for years and my mum used to quote this poem to me when I was most stressed - it used to make me cry


"LEISURE"

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Despera

ERICS MUM, now it made me cry too!

You are right. I remember very well how even the blue sky and the smell of spring would make me instantly happy - I still notice these now but I don't feel that lift anymore. Somehow so many problems have crept in and they are overwhelming me.

I just don't know what to do with my life, what's the point of it all. I was happy before, I honestly was, and nothing changed fundamentally but I feel down quite often.

Too early for a mid-life crisis at 32, isn't it?

coolcait

#1
Despera
Yesterday, 10:06 PM

#6
Despera
Yesterday, 10:23 PM

Despera wrote: »

It is past 10 pm and I am looking at a busy night because I have to submit a project tomorrow by 10 am.
.

#8
Despera
Yesterday, 10:36 PM


#12
Despera
Yesterday, 11:01 PM

#17
Despera
Yesterday, 11:23 PM

#21
Despera
Yesterday, 11:37 PM

#25
Despera
Today, 12:03 AM

#27
Despera
Today, 12:13 AM


Something's not adding up.

At best, you need to prioritise better right now.

Despera

coolcait,

writing on this thread and reading for replies has done me more good than an extra hour of sleep would do, so I think I got my priorities right.

I did 3 pages in the meantime, too.

shegirl

Despera wrote: »

I thought if I work really hard I would have a good house, good education for the children, good car, good holidays, good clothes and the overall sense of accomplishment.

Now I am working two jobs and what I got is the ex-council house for 300K, my children go to average schools, I drive an old car, for holidays we go to visit our parents because we miss them and in the past 2 weeks I haven't had time to buy a pair of black shoes after both heels snapped on my last pair.

Sense of accomplishment?

An 'average school' doesn't mean your children will do less well than they would elsewhere.

You are driving an old car through choice,you said yourself it didn't make sense to replace it yet,but you can easily afford to with your earnings 0f 1750 sitting in the bank untouched every single month.

The holidays are again your choice.If you aren't happy with it do something else!

Don't have time to buy a pair of shoes?Order some and have them delivered.

A lot of the things you are moaning about are rather,how do I say this nicely,silly...so you must either be stresssed and exhausted or a little on the annoying 'oh my god my life is a disaster because I can't be assed to do what normal people would do,please feel sorry for me' side...I'd go with stressed and exhausted. So,the house thing is done (is it?) and school you can't change at the mo but everything else you just complained about you can very very easily change.

Do you think you're so stressed that it's making minor things that need not exsist at all seem like giant obstacle and problems and you can't see that they don't have to be there?If so,then take a break and relax!

mandi

Despera wrote: »

I thought if I work really hard I would have a good house, good education for the children, good car, good holidays, good clothes and the overall sense of accomplishment.

Now I am working two jobs and what I got is the ex-council house f my children go to average schools, I drive an old car, for holidays we go to visit our parents because we miss them and in the past 2 weeks I haven't had time to buy a pair of black shoes after both heels snapped on my last pair.

Sorry OP. I don't want to sound harsh but welcome to the real world and we all manage on a hell of a lot less .:)