OH isn't getting it.

seraphina

Frankly, I couldn't cook to someone else's plan. If he's the one responsible for the cooking etc, then figure out a budget between you and then let him get on with it. Point him in the direction of here for help and advice but don't expect him to act exactly as you would.

You never know how creative he'll get. If you can't get him on side, and instead resort to saying "I've planned everything out, and I expect you to behave as a mindless automaton and do exactly as I want" then you're on a hiding to nothing, I'm afraid.

Good luck!

donnajt

i have been in the exact situation, here's my two penny worth! haev typed this 3 times now as baby keeps hitting the back button!!!

* do meal planning together
* have monthly shop delivered (or do it together) and STICK to your shopping list
* have a cash fund for top ups ie milk fruit bread etc
* laminate typed up recipes of your family fav recipes with exact quantities and foolproof instructions
* buy or borrow OH budget recipe books (i've jsut borrowed 3 fab thrifty cooking books from library) my OH is an accomplished cook thanks to Jamie Oliver!
* if you normally batch cook thats fine but don't start, all you are doing is removing the cooking from his job list! and putting a very heavy weight around your own!!
* trust in him and let him find his feet, offer encouragement and lastly...open him an account on here and show him recipe boards!!!

EllieA_3

Thanks for the idea's guys. Honestly i'd love to give OH the budget and let him get on with it but when i last did that we lived off microwave meals. By his own admission he will opt for the easy option everytime.

I've tried to encourage him to be involved in the planning but he just sit's there looking bored and inputs very little.

donnajt

EllieA wrote: »

Thanks for the idea's guys. Honestly i'd love to give OH the budget and let him get on with it but when i last did that we lived off microwave meals. By his own admission he will opt for the easy option everytime.

I've tried to encourage him to be involved in the planning but he just sit's there looking bored and inputs very little.

take the bank card and microwave away, don't give up if he has opted for he "home maker" he should do it, the penny will drop just not as quickly as you might like it to x

be very careful how you tread, my DH was disinterested, i ended up working full time, his mum kept offering to mind our DD so DH played golf! Yes he would cook most amazing JamieO meals, but i would have to wash up, housework, laundry etc normally in the early hours of the morning, learn from my mistakes!!

valk_scot

EllieA wrote: »

Thanks for the idea's guys. Honestly i'd love to give OH the budget and let him get on with it but when i last did that we lived off microwave meals. By his own admission he will opt for the easy option everytime.

I've tried to encourage him to be involved in the planning but he just sit's there looking bored and inputs very little.

Well, either you give him the responsibility for running the home or you don't tbh. I'm the home partner in our house and I wouldn't take kindly at all to my OH not only telling me what to cook every day but also insisting I use an exact recipe. I know my budget for the month (that's a joint decision) but after that it's not up to Hubby whether I feed him ready meals every night or not. He eats what I cook and if that ends up being something quick and easy because I can't be bothered cooking that night then he doesn't moan because it's up to me how I arrange my half of the family responsibilities.

If your OH is in charge then leave him to it. Don't micromanage. You're not his mother to be breathing down his neck after all criticising every step. Imagine how you'd feel if he'd done that to you? Nope, settle the budget by all means then sweep the remainder if any into a savings account which needs mutual agreement to access, except in emergencies. Don't leave the extra in the current account looking as if it's availible. Tell him you really would prefer some fresh food once in a while, suggest he looks at a Man cook book like Jamie Oilver's Minestry of Food then back off and leave him. He will probably be utterly crap at it for a minimum of three months or so but stick it out, eat your fresh veggies at lunch or something and make appreciative noises at any meals that you do like.

Interesting quote this btw, considering you just said all your money was joint...

"At the same time im going broke by doing it this way."

Surely you mean "we're going broke"? Or now that you're the breadwinner are you subconciously thinking of the family income as your's to control more than it was previously? Because in one way, my dear, you're sounding like the stereotypical old fashioned husband fretting about the brainless little wife frittering away "his" money. Give the man the benefit of the doubt and start treating him like an adult. Otherwise you're going to increasingly resent him taking the child's role all the time.

seraphina

The alternative to living of whatever he cooks - microwave meals or not - is to do everything yourself. Do you really want that??

Either way, pretty much what the poster above me said.

It might be worth trying to get him to agree to whatever treat you want to do with your children - for example putting money aside for a day out each month.

zippychick

Oh dear, sounds like a very tricky situation for you

I hope you are able to sort it out promptly Is it possible to show him the whole budget and explain very gently that as the shopping costs have gone up, you need to make up for that in other parts of your expenditure. So something else HAS to cost less to accomodate this extra cost?

Maybe put £x in the budget each month for kids day out etc, and make that non negotiable - and ask him how you can both together cut some costs? Does he/you have a "luxury" spending budget - ie, his own money to spend? Can you suggest you both sacrifice £20 each of that (or smoking money, alcohol, dvds, what ever his hobby is) ?

There have been threads on this in the past. The main ones come to mind are

Help OH is ruining everything

OH sabotage of batch cooking

We also have OH driving me mad

What about a something on toast night? or a soup night? Then you have two relatively simple nights and less cooking? Old style is a frame of mind which unfortunately not everyone has so little baby steps. :A

I will think if there are any other threads and merge this later on

Let us know how you get on.

Zip

song_of_calliope

Sounds like he's lazy so he's doing the worst job possible, hoping that you'll take over. Whatever you do, don't do it. That money you want to have available at the end of the month for taking your family out? Open a savings account in your name only and put that money in there as soon as you get paid. Then buy a big bag of rice and a bunch of tins of beans. If you run out of money before you run out of month he'll have to cook beans and rice until next payday. As another poster said, eat your fruit and veg at lunch and pack fruit and veg for the kids lunches. When a couple of months end in a string of beans and rice dinners, he'll learn and get it right the next month.

Also, instead of doing meal planning for him, point him to this link http://www.cheap-family-recipes.org.uk/ and there's one less task for you.

LittleBrownFrog

Maybe you need to budget for the 'taking the kids out' money, and do that at the start of the month, so that the extra money isn't available, do the same with savings, sweep it out to a savings account before it has chance to be spent.

I agree with Val, to an extent, but I think you have the right to expect a basic level of competence and responsibility. If I was spending my housekeeping budget on micro-meals and rubbish on a regular basis, then I would expect dh to be annoyed.

EllieA_3

When this all started i left him in total control.

Unfortunatly that resulted in us living off ready meals. His reasoning was that he didn't know how to make anything else. So i bought him 2 recipe books but the ready meals continued.

I think we had about 2 months living off ready meals and junk food and he didn't pay attention to the budget in the slightest even though it was a mutually agreed budget. First month i think we actually went £300 over.

We sat down and talked about it and me planning the meals was actually his suggestion. I've spent the past few months trying to stick to staples adding 1-2 new meals per month to increase his range.

But we keep running out of food it's mostly because of 2 things.

1. He doens't cook things in the right order so the fresh veg ends up being binned. I don't stipulate "an order" per say but i make a list of all the meals we have and i highlight in red the ones that have ingredients that will go off if not done early in the month.
2. Because he doens't stretch things out, spagetti bolognase for example uses a 1kg pk of mince, 1 tin of tom and an onion if im lucky. I'd add lentils, peppers, courgettes etc and 3-4 tin's of tom's and get 2-3 meals out of it.

I've tried moving the exess cash into a joint savings account we have but when he run's out of food he moves it back He will continue to buy snacks/chocolate etc and other un-needed items out of the food budget money even after the budget it all gone.

I really don't want to put it where he can't get at it because that would make him feel like i don't trust him and like i want to run the show.

The budget was mutially agreed and it's £100 higher than it was when i ran things to account for inexperience. But honestly i feel to him it's just an arbutary number because he seem's to pay no attention to it whatsoever.

Truely i just want to have a set budget and be able to leave him to it. Let him decide what to cook and when the last thing i want is to micro manage everything.