OH isn't getting it.

culpepper

Maybe you should look at it from a different angle. (not money)
He is making meals for you all and so the kids are now eating less healthily.
Could you raise concerns about their health as a result of the change?
For example too much meat per meal would be unhealthy and you have got around that by bulking out less meat with veg etc because the kids will eat more veg that way and so be healthier(no mention of money).
Then there is the lead by example factor. If you adults are seen to eat fruit and veg and sensible portions,then the kids will.

Does he know you are trying to put some by for you both to take the kids out sometimes? If he sees it as just you wanting to be the treating parent,he may resent that a bit and so not see that as a good thing. If his endeavors at budgeting mean that there can be treats for the family ,then it is more of an achievement from his point of view.

Regarding the fresh fruit and veg going off . How about buying less and seeing how it lasts out? or buying frozen veg .

Kevie192

If he's not doing anything, why not ask him to get out there and get a job? Sounds to me like there's no reason for him to sit at home - he's not doing the cleaning and cooking properly anyway.

Sounds to me like the extra money would come in handy but if not, you could always save for when he is at uni. I worked 25 hours a week through all 3 years of my degree to keep my family afloat and still did really well.

If he earned some of the money, he could spend that on all the junk if he wanted!

Gigervamp

Culpepper's got a good idea there.

But going back to the money, he's overspent by £200-£300 a month for 6 months. That's £1200-£1800. You could have taken the children on a lovely family holiday with that money and still have change for days out!

He needs to start acting like a responsible adult, not a spoilt teenager and start pulling his weight.

foxgloves

If you have set a joint budget for how much you can afford to spend on food then, no, I don't think it is at all unreasonable to expect your partner to stick to within around £50-ish of that amount. We take out £250 a month and that's our food budget. It goes in a separate purse & has to last the month. At the start of this month, my partner insisted on buying a huge piece of lamb shoulder which cost nearly £20. I made lots of meals from it, some of which we've still got in the freezer to enjoy later, but I made it quite clear that if we spent that on one piece of meat, we would also be eating more vegetarian meals this month (which neither of us have a problem with). Our food budget is what it is. It was jointly agreed, at that amount for a reason and it is possible to eat well on it as well as put extra meals away for following weeks. A £300 overspend on a food budget isn't acceptable. Unfortunately, this isn't going to work for you unless you are working as a team. I would suggest that if he wants to spend lots mroe on food, then that's fine, but he'll have to go out & earn it as sabotaging the budget longterm isn't going to end up benefitting either of you in the current economic climate.

Mrs_Arcanum

Give him the ironing & cleaning jobs instead.

anguk

What about splitting the monthly budget into weekly, so much per week for him to get the shopping?

My OH is a bit of a "feast or famine" person, at the beginning of the month it would be "wahay I can buy loads of things and pop into the supermarket all the time" but by the end of the month there's very little if anything left. He manages much better with a weekly budget, plus it's less time between "paydays".

Bitsy_Beans

grizzly1911 wrote: »

If he uses a 1kg of mince why not buy smaller packs or a least repackage it into smaller bags if it is cheaper to buy in bulk?

If it is then frozen just get out sufficient to defrost the night before as a prompt.

I think in the short term this is a good idea.

He also needs lots of lessons in how to cook, just like you and the only way to do that is by showing him. Alternative is he just does the prep for you and you come home and finish off the last little bit.

I do think though given that he's at home, child free during school hours he could be doing the cleaning and ironing. I am at home, do all the cleaning, gardening, food shopping, cooking - my H does all the ironing I don't think there has been quite a fair divison of labour here.

Bottom line by his own addmission he will go for the easy option every time........which smacks of sounding terribly bone idle to me Sorry I am not trying to have a go at your husband but it comes across as he wants the perks of being the home partner without any of the responsibility. If you're at home it's inevitable you will do more, if he can't cope with that then perhaps he'd do better getting a job?

valk_scot

EllieA wrote: »

I work between 10 hours + daily, make the packed lunch's for my and the kids, do the ironing and do all the cleaning.

It's not like he's watching small children or taking care of baby's. He has the house to himself all day because the kids are in school.

What???? You're doing all that plus a full time job and he's sitting on his !!!! all day eating junk food and playing computer games? Ohh, right. And he thinks this is okay, does he?

The person who suggested marriage counselling is right on the button. You're not his wife, you're his mum. He's a grown man and he thinks it's okay for you to do all of this? Again, you're his parent and he's regressed to being 15 again. Do something about it, all of it, before it goes on any further. It's not going to improve when he goes to uni, it's going to get worse.

the_cat

I think you are being WAY too soft with him!

You work long hours, in a stressful full time job. Do the lunches, all the cleaning and all the ironing

He sits around on his backside all day playing computer games and can't even be bothered to cook a proper meal for all of you. Added to which he spends £200 - £300 which you don't have on cr+p you don't need, which is detrimental to your health

He is clearly not cut out to be the stay at home parent. If he were an employee doing this he would get the sack! He needs to go and get himself a job

ebeegeebee_2

Marrige counselling sounds like a terrible idea to me tbh !! in my opinion you just can NOT expect a man to be as organised as a woman in this department !! .. yes yes i know this sounds very sexist but it's fact. my OH spends money like it's going out of fashion because he has no concept of managment of money... i have to reign him in all the time and look like the " tight one " but without me being the " tight one " we would be constantly in debt. i think the OP is flogging a dead horse tbh.. most men unchangable.