OH isn't getting it.

oldtractor

its not a ploy is it? maybe he doesnt want to do the cooking,and as you are so much better at managing the food and the cooking of it maybe he'd prefer it if you took over this task.

EllieA_3

oldtractor wrote: »

its not a ploy is it? maybe he doesnt want to do the cooking,and as you are so much better at managing the food and the cooking of it maybe he'd prefer it if you took over this task.

Honestly im starting to wonder

I can't understand how/why he thinks spending £20-30 every saturday on crisp's and chocolate is Ok even after i've told him there is nothing left in the food budget. I shouldn't have to tell him how much is left in it if he paid attention to it.

CH27

EllieA wrote: »

When this all started i left him in total control.

Unfortunatly that resulted in us living off ready meals. His reasoning was that he didn't know how to make anything else. So i bought him 2 recipe books but the ready meals continued.

I think we had about 2 months living off ready meals and junk food and he didn't pay attention to the budget in the slightest even though it was a mutually agreed budget. First month i think we actually went £300 over.

We sat down and talked about it and me planning the meals was actually his suggestion. I've spent the past few months trying to stick to staples adding 1-2 new meals per month to increase his range.

But we keep running out of food it's mostly because of 2 things.

1. He doens't cook things in the right order so the fresh veg ends up being binned. I don't stipulate "an order" per say but i make a list of all the meals we have and i highlight in red the ones that have ingredients that will go off if not done early in the month.
2. Because he doens't stretch things out, spagetti bolognase for example uses a 1kg pk of mince, 1 tin of tom and an onion if im lucky. I'd add lentils, peppers, courgettes etc and 3-4 tin's of tom's and get 2-3 meals out of it.

I've tried moving the exess cash into a joint savings account we have but when he run's out of food he moves it back He will continue to buy snacks/chocolate etc and other un-needed items out of the food budget money even after the budget it all gone.

I really don't want to put it where he can't get at it because that would make him feel like i don't trust him and like i want to run the show.

The budget was mutially agreed and it's £100 higher than it was when i ran things to account for inexperience. But honestly i feel to him it's just an arbutary number because he seem's to pay no attention to it whatsoever.

Truely i just want to have a set budget and be able to leave him to it. Let him decide what to cook and when the last thing i want is to micro manage everything.

To me you sound a bit of a control freak.
I'm not criticising you. Promise:)

You don't think he is doing as good a job as you did & by nagging him you are undermining his confidence & he thinks that nothing he does is good enough.

Being in charge of the house & budget isn't easy so I think you both need to give yourself time to adjust to your new roles.

the_cat

I think a firm and frank exchange of views is called for

If you only have £xxx available as a food budget, he has 2 options - spend that much and no more or get a job to make up the excess

Of course, if you just want to spend less than he does and have other money available which he wants to spend on food and you don't, you still need to talk. It will just be a different discussion

oldtractor

Just do the buying and cooking yourself. Simples!

grizzly1911

How do you manage to get fresh produce to last a month? About a week for fruit and veg in our house. Certainly a months fruit would be gone pretty quickly even if it lasted.

If he uses a 1kg of mince why not buy smaller packs or a least repackage it into smaller bags if it is cheaper to buy in bulk?

If it is then frozen just get out sufficient to defrost the night before as a prompt.

I know you say you don't have much spare time but why not shop weekly for a bit?

Difficult if you have kids, I know, but why not cut out crisps and chocolate as part of food shopping? Just make it an odd luxury when you supply it?

CFC

Set up a separate account that he cannot move the money out of. He will continue his ways if you do not prevent it because he is lazy and selfish. Lazy because he can't be bothered to do the job properly and selfish because he's just doing exactly what he wants.

My OH was a househusband for 6 weeks and after that I made him get a job. He was useless, he spent most of his time watching tv or surfing the internet/playing games.

song_of_calliope

It sounds like you've tried everything except for giving up and doing everything yourself (which you should not do because it will breed even more resentment and is terribly unfair).

I think it's time to consider marriage counseling for this issue. You two aren't working as a team at the moment and there are probably deeper reasons beyond lentils tasting funny in mince to explain why. He may have a lot of mixed feelings about being the househusband that are causing him to act out. Does he see you as a mother figure rather than a wife and partner now? Who knows, but a therapist can help untangle this. You should be able to get it cheap or free through relate. Would he be willing to go?

EllieA_3

I think if i suggested marriage counciling because he was overspending on the food budget he'd think i'd gone compleately mad.

You know what he's a good guy and i love him dearly. I don't want people getting the wrong idea.

Yes i am too much in control of things and yes i agree i do have to reign in my control freakishness sometimes.

But when it comes to the food budget i don't think it's too much to ask to expect him to stick "ish" to the mutually agreed amount. I wouldn't get in a tizz if he was within say £50 of it at the end of the month but having checked the bank account online i've noticed that we have been Over by £200-300 every month since he took over compleatly in January.


I could even accept it if he was going over buying good food, but he's buying rubbish and we've never eaten it before so why does he feel the need to start now?

I don't think im really being unreasonable to expect more than a microwave meal when his only jobs are keeping the house tidy and cooking a meal at the end of the night.

I work between 10 hours + daily, make the packed lunch's for my and the kids, do the ironing and do all the cleaning.

It's not like he's watching small children or taking care of baby's. He has the house to himself all day because the kids are in school.

Granted come september he'll be in uni but right now he's hardly pushed for time between his computer games.

I just want nothing more than to leave him to it, but it just isn't happening.

song_of_calliope

I don't think marriage counseling is "mad" at all in your situation - what do you think? You've just added to the list of reasons why by saying you do all the cleaning, pack the lunches, etc and all he has to do is play computer games and make the evening meal???? And you're supporting him going back to uni and he still overspends by £2-300 each month? If you think marriage counseling is too much, what do you propose to fix this problem? It sounds like you've tried everything else. And no, you're not asking too much and I personally don't think the problem is you being a control freak. If anything I'd say you're not taking this seriously enough and frankly it sounds like he's walking all over you.

Or maybe he's depressed? Eating a lot of junk and constantly playing video games sounds like symptoms of depression.