OH isn't getting it.

peachyprice

I too would consider going to weekly shopping.
I think it's far easier to manage groceries when you look in the fridge/cupboard and see the makings of 7 meals knowing that they only have to have to last the week rather than seeing the makings of 30 odd meals that have to last to a distant point in the future.

I've done monthly shopping before and always ended up buying extras, it was just too long to make food last and too long to keep enthusiastic about the food I'd bought. I ended up spending far more than I did with weekly shopping.

alec_eiffel

ebeegeebee wrote: »

Marrige counselling sounds like a terrible idea to me tbh !! in my opinion you just can NOT expect a man to be as organised as a woman in this department !! .. yes yes i know this sounds very sexist but it's fact. my OH spends money like it's going out of fashion because he has no concept of managment of money... i have to reign him in all the time and look like the " tight one " but without me being the " tight one " we would be constantly in debt. i think the OP is flogging a dead horse tbh.. most men unchangable.

No it's not a fact. You and your OH might not be on the same wavelength but anyone can change if they choose to.

grizzly1911

culpepper wrote: »

Regarding the fresh fruit and veg going off . How about buying less and seeing how it lasts out? or buying frozen veg .

We have got a relatively big kitchen and it is difficult enough finding space to put a weekly shop (with a little capacity for the staples) feeding effectively four adults, (two of which are still growing(normally).I am sure that with some supermarket vegetables and fruit it doesn't last like it used to. Is it stored for long periods before it hits the shelves, not the exotic stuff?

Admittedly we only have inbuilt fridge and freezer so not masses of space there but I don't think I would necessarily want to pay to keep a months food frozen anyway.

The "kids" always demolish the "good stuff" within the weekend anyway.

ebeegeebee_2

alec_eiffel wrote: »

No it's not a fact. You and your OH might not be on the same wavelength but anyone can change if they choose to.

I sooooooooo disagree sorry.. like i said my opinion and we have been together for 25 years so maybe the ying and yang speaks some truth.

alec_eiffel

So like I said, it's your experience, not a fact.

EllieA_3

I do a monthly "big shop" but we also do weekly little shops to re-supply bread/milk/fruit and veg etc.

When i started meal planning and shopping for him, i drew up a plan which had big mix of dishes that used frozen veg and range of dishes that used fresh.

I then bought all the frozen veg in the monthly shop and a small amount of fresh veg (enough for 2-3 meals) At first i didn't want to make things too complicated so i stuck to staples in term's of fresh veg. Carrot's / Onions / Peppers etc. Stuff that could be used in dozen's of the dishes on the list i then highlighted them so he could see them clearly.

The idea was he would pick 2-3 of the meals per week using fresh veg and the rest would be made with frozen. Then on the little shop he/I would "re-supply" these stables based on what he'd used. (Though he only buy's it if i explicitly tell him what to buy, the problem is all the extra things which fall into the trolly on the way around)

I hoped eventually to be able to start being able to introduce other vegetables to the mix. Unfortunatly he never uses any of the fresh so it's now got to the point where i buy in 1 lot of fresh at the start of the month in the hope he will use it, then throw it away when he doens't and don't bother buying more. (there is loads of frozen in the freezer so it shouldn't be a problem)

I do keep buying the salad and fruit for the lunchbox's on a weekly basis because i pack/make them anyway but it does tend to come out of my own pocket money rather than the joint because there is rarely any money left by month end.

I did try a weekly shop back when he was in full control but it did nothing to help the budget, he just went and spent £150 a week without actually managing to buy any real food.

song_of_calliope

I have been thinking about you all day, EllieA, and feeling quite angry at your OH on your behalf. I'm sure he's a lovely person but he's treating you like an absolute slave and it's so not right that you should have to put up with this. Over the past 50 years women have won so many rights that they never had before - the right to go out to work and to be equal partners with their husbands are among them. But the ugly truth is that so many men haven't changed. They've been happy to take the money the women bring in but they hide behind excuses when it comes time for them to pitch in at home.

Arlie Hochschild wrote a book called The Second Shift about this phenomena and found that the health and happiness of both partners actually suffers when women do all the housework, but she was talking about two career families. Maybe you could pick up a copy of the book and give it a read? But what's particularly galling in your case is that your husband doesn't even work - he does no shifts!

Of course your husband could meal plan and cook properly if he could be bothered. I'm sorry but it is not rocket science! The fact is he's hiding behind the excuses of not knowing how because he doesn't want to do any work and knows that sooner or later you'll give up and do it. And then there are some women who give men the excuse of "oh he's just a man what can you expect." This is the exact same excuse men used to get to use in order to cheat on their wives left and right! Of course they can help it, they can do better. We're the same species and if whatever they can do, we can do then it follows that whatever we can do, they can do!

The reason I recommended marriage counseling was that you're going around in circles without addressing the real problem. You're trying everything you can think of to fix the wrong problem! The problem is not that he doesn't know how, it's that he's lazy and treating you like a slave. That's the problem you need to fix, not the timing of when to buy the vegetables.

oldtractor

why dont you give up your job? most women are so much better domestically than men. Thats why,for centuries ,women have looked after the home and their man and the man has gone out and earned the money. The sooner the country goes back to this arrangement the better. Chuck your job and give him the space to be a man.

anguk

oldtractor wrote: »

why dont you give up your job? most women are so much better domestically than men. Thats why,for centuries ,women have looked after the home and their man and the man has gone out and earned the money. The sooner the country goes back to this arrangement the better. Chuck your job and give him the space to be a man.

The problem is nowadays those values do still exist, the woman looking after the home and her man, but she's also expected to go out to work too! That's what's happening in the OP's case, she's working long hours and doing the normal "housewifey" things, sorting out the budget, the food, shopping and the housework. Women do now have more choices and freedom but we also seem to be expected to do more too.

BitterAndTwisted

I know what I'd do. Deny him access to the main bank account and transfer a mutually agreed amount either weekly or monthly into another separate account which he does have access to. He either keeps to the budget or there's no more money available.

He's not managing the money they way you need him to because he doesn't have to. You need to find ways to have him understand your concerns and want to help you in this or all is doomed to failure.

I think I'd be wanting a full and frank discussion about why he appears to be trying to sabotage things.