Heartbroken!

leos-mummy

Kimberley82 wrote: »

Oh I agree. Any idea what sort of time he will get up?

Is there someone who can have your son?

Oh he wont surface till around 3pm (quite normal for him after a night out) Not really anyone that can look after LO without them asking questions

leos-mummy

jackieglasgow wrote: »

If he is that p1ssed, there's not much chance he was with another woman, is there? Think about it it logically. I think there's a good chance the two things aren't linked, and its just your insecurity over his previous behaviour which is making you understandably paranoid. Speak to him later when he is sober, and ask him what where and when, and go from there.

I know thats the hope I hold onto... Im hard pushed even to share a bed with him when he's drunk let alone do anything else so I doubt anyone else would want to!!!

donquine

If my OH were to stay out until 5.30am without warning me in advance he would be out that late, I would try to get in touch by calling or texting him to establish he was in fact choosing to stay out late and wouldn't be back for a while, rather than he had been attacked and/or was lying dead in a gutter. I can't see what's unreasonable about the OP texting/calling her husband, particularly when he usually responds and it was therefore out of character to hear nothing from him.

If a quiet night turns into a late night out with the boys, that's fine, as long as a quick text is sent saying as much, with an estimated ETA. Doesn't matter if that ETA is as late as 5.30am, as long as the other person knows not to be up worrying at 1am and to go to sleep.

Regarding the ex... Personally, I dislike contact with exes as a rule, but if the OP's OH has been in touch with an ex with whom he has previously cheated on the OP, that is totally unacceptable. It's not so much that she's an ex, but that she has been the other woman.

I wouldn't assume the OP's OH has stayed out late because he's been seeing this ex, but if were me, I would be ripping into him for being so inconsiderate as to not let me know when he was coming home and also letting him know that I knew he had been in touch with the ex and that if any communication continued, he would be out on his ear. I'd like to think that if my OH knew that his actions were truly jeopardising our relationship, he would take a long hard look and do something about it. Sometimes you have to spell things out.

izzybusy23

leos-mummy wrote: »

I know thats the hope I hold onto... Im hard pushed even to share a bed with him when he's drunk let alone do anything else so I doubt anyone else would want to!!!

Hate to being comparisons in to it but the one night out my ex husband went out with work colleagues and stayed out til 8am was the start of his affair. He had been texting a girl at work as a work mate and I had my suspicions before the night out but it was confirmed when he didn't answer my text at 4am asking if he was coming home (as to locking the door or not) and taking a further £250 out of our joint account when he had aleady gone out with £100. Ex showed up brazen as you like at 8am expecting to be let in (I had locked the door after getting no reply to my text) and I never let him set foot in the house again. The trust was gone and it took him 7 months later to confess he had the affair and it started on that night out.

You need to have this out with him. Otherwise it will eat away at you.

leos-mummy

donquine wrote: »

If my OH were to stay out until 5.30am without warning me in advance he would be out that late, I would try to get in touch by calling or texting him to establish he was in fact choosing to stay out late and wouldn't be back for a while, rather than he had been attacked and/or was lying dead in a gutter. I can't see what's unreasonable about the OP texting/calling her husband, particularly when he usually responds and it was therefore out of character to hear nothing from him.

If a quiet night turns into a late night out with the boys, that's fine, as long as a quick text is sent saying as much, with an estimated ETA. Doesn't matter if that ETA is as late as 5.30am, as long as the other person knows not to be up worrying at 1am and to go to sleep.

Regarding the ex... Personally, I dislike contact with exes as a rule, but if the OP's OH has been in touch with an ex with whom he has previously cheated on the OP, that is totally unacceptable. It's not so much that she's an ex, but that she has been the other woman.

I wouldn't assume the OP's OH has stayed out late because he's been seeing this ex, but if were me, I would be ripping into him for being so inconsiderate as to not let me know when he was coming home and also letting him know that I knew he had been in touch with the ex and that if any communication continued, he would be out on his ear. I'd like to think that if my OH knew that his actions were truly jeopardising our relationship, he would take a long hard look and do something about it. Sometimes you have to spell things out.

Yeah I worried more about getting a knock on the door from a policeman telling me something bad had happened than from him having an affair. It is completely out of character for him not to contact me all night. I hardly slept a wink all night for worrying (he gets himself into some states when drinking) not good when you have a 7am wakeup call from a 22m old!

leos-mummy

Update- he apparently was at a mates house after the club. Im the one with the problem because I checked his phone... Hasn't give me an answer as to why he made no contact with me and apparently he wasnt texting the ex although the message I seen was on facebook

leos-mummy

Not when we've been down that path before its not

donquine

leos-mummy wrote: »

Update- he apparently was at a mates house after the club. Im the one with the problem because I checked his phone... Hasn't give me an answer as to why he made no contact with me and apparently he wasnt texting the ex although the message I seen was on facebook

What message did you see? Was it from her to him, or were there any replies?

The fact remains, he cheated on you with her in the past and therefore any feelings of insecurity you have towards his dealings with this woman are entirely his fault. You agreed not to dump him, he needs to prove to you that you were right not to leave him back then.

Of course he's going to be defensive, but don't for a second let him make you think that this is all your problem in your head.

Him staying out late and not telling you he was going to do so is a separate issue. He needs to understand why not letting you know where he was was a big deal. Be careful to make clear this is a separate issue from the ex, or he may well dismiss your concerns as being 'irrational'. If you are in a couple, you are responsible for the other person and you need to know he's safe, just as he needs to know you're okay.

leos-mummy

he didnt technically cheat it was 'sexting.' She requested to add him as a friend on FB (I made him delete her after the first incident) then she sent a private mail saying 'Oh sure just add me because she doesnt know my surname anyway'
Anyhoo... I posted to her wall from OH's account telling her in no uncertain terms that she was to keep away and that OH didnt want her. The post has since been deleted and she has blocked the account... likely scared her husband will find out!

make_me_wise

Not read all the responses but why were you trying to get hold of him all evening? If my hubby did that to me when I was out with mates it would really tick me off, unless there was an emergency. You knew where he was and who he was with so why the need to desperately contact him, thats just suffocating behaviour.

As regards this ex he was sexting. What was his response to her getting in contact? If he sex texted her back then there is a problem. For all we know he may have told her where to go.

It doesn't sound as if you trust him at all. When there is no trust there is no relationship really.