Heartbroken!

Errata

You haven't got a problem with childcare, you're a SAHM.

kathy206

leos-mummy wrote: »

Thanks everyone, ive told me partner we need a break but i dont know how easy this will be because of childcare etc. i havent suggested it will be permanent but unless he sorts himself out it will be. hes told me hes of the drink til his birthday in july but i know him too well and come sat he'll want a drink because its the norm or he'll want to go out for family birthdays coming up etc and it just wouldnt b an option for him to go and not drink

Ok that's a start. You really need to stick to your guns on this, not just huff and puff then let things go back to the way they were. Why not make tentative enquiries regarding your entitlement to tax credits etc as a single mum?
TBH saying he'll keep off the drink till his birthday isn't much of a promise is it? I am sure you'll grab onto anything positive right now, but try and be strong, if not for your sake, for the sake of your little one.:(
As I said earlier, tot up what he's spent on this last bender- that money would be in your bank if not for his selfishness. I'll dare bet if you tot up what he's spent on ale over the time you've been together you could have gone away for a few days as a family.
Instead of planning his work holidays around alcohol fuelled binges, maybe he could try and plan his work holidays around you as a family, or is that too much to ask?

Good luck

shellsuit

leos-mummy wrote: »

Thanks everyone, ive told me partner we need a break but i dont know how easy this will be because of childcare etc. i havent suggested it will be permanent but unless he sorts himself out it will be. hes told me hes of the drink til his birthday in july but i know him too well and come sat he'll want a drink because its the norm or he'll want to go out for family birthdays coming up etc and it just wouldnt b an option for him to go and not drink

What childcare if you don't work?

viktory

Oh people give it up! I have read pages and pages of excuses from leos-mummy. Her child doensn't matter as much as her relationship with her partner and his relationship with the booze is more important than her or their child. She'll limp along, telling herself that she loves him and he loves her completely oblivious to the damage the relationship is doing to her child until it is too late. It is very Jeremy Kyle and although it is lovely of you all to help, you're all wasting your time.

Kepp

Why do so many people spend so long trying to change someone into something they're not when they could so easily go out and find someone who already is everything they want with no changes necessary?

I think even Leos-mummy doesn't believe half the excuses she is using cause that's all they are - excuses.

@ Leos-mummy: Yes, it will be hard to leave and who knows what will happen. Better the devil you know and all of that.

But just do it! Post here every step of the way and people will no doubt support you. People are only getting angry now as they are getting frustrated - excellent advice is being posted and you aren't taking it.

Yes money will need to be re-jigged and it could be complicated. Ask here, you're posting on an ideal forum for money advice!

Don't be scared of being alone - you pretty much are anyway, just with a load of hassle being thrown in as well.

You think you will be jealous when you see him with someone else - more likely you will laugh at the fool you know they are being.

I know you're reluctant to admit he has a drinking problem. Technical defnitions aside, whether you want to label him an alcoholic or not - his drinking is a problem for YOU, therefore it is a drinking problem.

He's clearly ground you down - too many of your posts are blaming yourself. Once you move on, you will feel so much better, I know that's hard to see right now.

Why worry if he ends up with another woman that he brings into your son's life - your son will never love and respect her as much as he will you when he gets older and can see how strong you were for making it on your own and doing the best you can for him and yourself, despite how hard you may have found it. Cause that's the main point after all, remind yourself of your username - Leo's Mummy and start living up to that name.

Good luck x

CH27

leos-mummy wrote: »

Thanks everyone, ive told me partner we need a break but i dont know how easy this will be because of childcare etc. i havent suggested it will be permanent but unless he sorts himself out it will be. hes told me hes of the drink til his birthday in july but i know him too well and come sat he'll want a drink because its the norm or he'll want to go out for family birthdays coming up etc and it just wouldnt b an option for him to go and not drink

That's mighty big of him.

Why is childcare a problem?

Errata

viktory wrote: »

Oh people give it up! I have read pages and pages of excuses from leos-mummy. Her child doensn't matter as much as her relationship with her partner and his relationship with the booze is more important than her or their child. She'll limp along, telling herself that she loves him and he loves her completely oblivious to the damage the relationship is doing to her child until it is too late. It is very Jeremy Kyle and although it is lovely of you all to help, you're all wasting your time.

You're right Vik. Last week it was all 'I can support my son myself and I want another child with my OH' and this week it's all 'He's got a drink problem, he hasn't got a drink problem, I will never split from him, we're splitting up'.
Makes me wonder what next week will bring, and I should ban myself from her threads

globetraveller

I missed the bit about LM wanting another baby.:eek:
TBH if you continue to be as lazy as you are- unwilling to sort anything out because you would rather have a pathetic excuse of a man than no man at all, and subjecting your son to all the carry on which we are drip fed page by page- then your son deserves a better dad AND a mum. He deserves a home where at least one adult sees him as important.
If this is not a wind up then for goodness sake kick him out and proof you do have a backbone and do care for your son.
I've seen too many neglected kids in my job- parents who should never have had children in the first place because they have never grown up.

Plans_all_plans

Where are your parents leos_mummy? Can you go and stay with them for a while?

To be brutally honest: I think the whole thing will have ended in tears anyway. The sort of man who has 4 children, by 4 different women at the age of 32, is NEVER going to settle down and become responsible in my opinion.

As much as I don't like the idea of people breaking up when there are children involved, I feel that this may be the way forward for you. Maybe you could try relationship counselling in a last ditch attempt to understand each other better?

leos-mummy

I care deeply about my son and dont think its fair me being called a bad mother. By childcare i mean his kids etc, they stay at weekend and if i kick him out they will have nowher to stay because more than likely OH will only be able to manage a sofa somewhere. I know its not my problem but i've made it my problem IUKWIM. I dont want him to end up in the gutter loosing his job etc. I know if i throw him out he'll likely hit the drink and that worries me. At least i know for the time being if he's in the house he's not drinking