Help! Need to talk to OH.

Sambucus_Nigra

OP

Just go to the same film at the same time at that cinema and bite the bullet. If he sees you, it's a coincidence and you just fancied doing something crazy this weekend as you were on your own. At least you will have some idea what's going on. Sit on the back row, get there early and wear a nice hat.

If I wasn't so far I'd do it for you.

*Louise*

balletshoes wrote: »

just out of interest, would he be okay if the roles were reversed and you went off on regular weekends away, and didn't divulge what you did/who you met when you were away?

I wondered this - sounds like the OP needs to start having a 'retreat' as well.


I would be hanging about outside the cinema to find ou what's going on. All this wondering would send me CRAZY!! I don't know how you cope with it, but you have let it drag on because you don't want to deal with it. How much longer do you want it to continue?

balletshoes

*Louise* wrote: »

I wondered this - sounds like the OP needs to start having a 'retreat' as well.


I would be hanging about outside the cinema to find ou what's going on. All this wondering would send me CRAZY!! I don't knwo how you cope with it, but you have let it drag on because you are scared to deal with it. How much longer do you want it to continue?

but if the OP hangs around outside the cinema, even if she sees her OH there with someone else, she's still not going to know whats going on is she? She'd have to go and talk to him in the presence of whoever else was there, introduce herself, get an introduction etc, before she'd have any clue what was really going on?

Any

Sorry, why are you with this man? You cannot talk to him without him getting angry?
You think this is in any way normal?

Yes, some people need their space. My OH and I need our space. I go for weekends away without him, even for whole week without him and so does he go without me. With his mates. But it is not a secret, it is discussed, put into calendar, organised around. And funnily no explanation ever needed! Because we don't treat it the way your OH does, that is what raises the suspicion in you!

It is the secrecy and his over reaction that makes this strange.

It's the child, or he is a closet gay. Closet due to his religion - doesn't feel he can do it normally, also explains his behaviour as he is feeling guilty for his feelings.

Mrs.W_2

*Robin* wrote: »

Sounds like he's got a secret child in London..

My first thought. Which I immediately dismissed because it's too outlandish. Though...

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

^
This.

Any other strange monies going out of the account for or on these weekends?

A DD, SO or chq for roughly 15% of his income leaving his account each month would be a giveaway.


If you do not live anywhere near London, the cinema stalking would be hard to explain if you were caught. What started out as 'retreat of mediatation, isolation etc' seems to have become a rather selfish jolly. His actions are deceitful.

Are these trips worrying you to the point where you will talk with him about them again?

Sambucus_Nigra

balletshoes wrote: »

but if the OP hangs around outside the cinema, even if she sees her OH there with someone else, she's still not going to know whats going on is she? She'd have to go and talk to him in the presence of whoever else was there, introduce herself, get an introduction etc, before she'd have any clue what was really going on?

Yes, but she would see if it was a child, a man or woman and be prepared for all three eventualities.

marleyboy

*Robin* wrote: »

Sounds like he's got a secret child in London..

Am thinking this myself.

I would just be upfront about it and blatantly ask who the two cinema tickets are for. If it is all innocent, even HE would understand the concern about it, regardless of how you found out.

If he rants and raves about it, you know he is hiding something.........The truth.

Its crunch time, he either has a valid answer or makes a really weak excuse about it, either way you will know one way or the other.

adamantine

i cant believe you put up with this for a year!!

you both need to properly have it out and say enough is enough. a retreat is one thing but p***ing about in a hotel every month is not a retreat by any stretch of the imagination especially when you say that money is tight and you cant really afford it.

i would be cancelling the hotel booking and not telling him till he is about to leave and making an ultimatum of we talk and sort this out now or its over. he cannot keep playing you for a fool.

anguk

I've just read the whole thread because I missed it first time round. I think it's time for some straight talking or even an ultimatum, going away to the same place once a month for the weekend, the secrecy, getting angry with you if you question him?

I'm sorry but something is not right here, I'm thinking an affair or a secret child, but if it's a child why hasn't he told you about it, or is it secret from his family too? Actually what does his family think about his weekends away?

I would be having a good look at the bank account and confronting him, don't let him turn this round so that you're the one in the wrong, don't let him use stress, working hard or religion as an excuse. You are his wife, you deserve a bit of respect and some answers.

travelgran

Did you change your job or do you still work with him?