Help! Need to talk to OH.

Melonade

You or a friend should stake out the cinema... if it's a woman then ask him, maybe like "who was the woman you were with at the pictures?" say a friend of yours saw them together?

I don't know but thats what I'd do because I'd HAVE to know. Good Luck xx

belfastgirl23

Look at your username. Look at the title of this thread.

You know what you need to do.

It takes two to make a real fight so don't fight. Tell him that you're worried about him. Tell him that you're worried about you as a couple, that you don't want to be in a relationship where you feel that you don't know the person you're in love with. And that you love him but that you can no longer accept how things are. And if you like tell him that you feel that he's cheating on you, maybe not physically but emotionally. Keep it very calm and very clear with no shouting and ideally not too much crying. And if he won't talk tell him you appreciate this is a shock for him but that you want to discuss this again and set a date.

You don't need advice here on whether or not it's normal for this to happen (though I also vote that it's definitely not normal). You need to recognise that you can't go on like this and that nothing is going to change till you change it.

jenhug

Brecon_Beacons wrote: »

What do you know about his sexuality?

Sorry to be blunt, but there are many, many married men who carry the burden of hiding their bi-sexuality. In those circumstances, the explanation of being with an 'old friend' may not be quite so reassuring.. and would explain the 'date' feeling to their arrangements.

What a ray of sunshine I am! Apologies for thinking the worst, it's my nature.

I was thinking bi/gay or a cross dresser perhaps? or into fetish clubs? i'd be googling what sort of entertainment venues are around said hotel.

spidersandsprinkles

The only way I've been able to confront without causing an argument (quite a feat for me) is calmly say 'I need to ask you something. Please don't get mad, I just need to know I'm not going crazy. I need the truth as I've seen (---), read (---) and its going round in my mind. I just need you tell me why I'm being crazy'. Funnily enough, it works. Sort of starts a fairly civilised Q&A in my experience which clears things up. Requires some acting though haha

Raksha

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Cross dressing at Star Wars?

Princess Leia is a very admired figure in the CD community. It could be a group are going.

Sambucus_Nigra

Raksha wrote: »

Princess Leia is a very admired figure in the CD community. It could be a group are going.

Good point - well made.

Raksha

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Good point - well made.

I have a lot of sympathy for the OP, finding herself stuck in a less than ideal relationship, but still having some sort of (misplaced?) loyalty to the fella. I wonder if, apart from this, he does actually have some redeeming features? Mealticket? Better than nothing?

Whilst some are advocating packing bags (doesn't matter whose) this can be out of the frying pan into the fire.

Hope you managed to talk constructively with him last night OP.

Sambucus_Nigra

Raksha wrote: »

I have a lot of sympathy for the OP, finding herself stuck in a less than ideal relationship, but still having some sort of (misplaced?) loyalty to the fella. I wonder if, apart from this, he does actually have some redeeming features? Mealticket? Better than nothing?

Whilst some are advocating packing bags (doesn't matter whose) this can be out of the frying pan into the fire.

Hope you managed to talk constructively with him last night OP.

I agree - however I'd need to know and then decide where to go from here. If he IS a crossdresser - if he IS having an affair or if he DOES have a child - then as partner and an adult - she needs to know so that she can make her own mind up as to whether it is a deal breaker or not.

I know people who have one of the three in their relationship and are still very happy - what they wouldn't be happy with is not knowing...

FBaby

I can't believe that you manage to put last year's issue behind and accepted to go on as if nothing had happened. It was so obvious then that something wasn't right and clearly it has continued. You chose to move on AND not to spy on him, yet the two times you have, you have found something that doesn't ring right. How many more have gone on without you knowing then?

I hope all went ok last night and he has come clear. If it is a case that he has found out he has a grown up son (can happen to almost any man on this planet!!!), and is seeing him monthly, then that is not the end of the world. The question is of course why he has felt unable to tell you before. Would he have expected to you to react very badly to it?

Whatever happened last night, or you find out tonight, I really hope you choose not to burry it this time because as you've learnt yesterday, it doesn't go away.

doodoot

Wow...how did this thread end up speculating whether OP's partner is a cross-dresser?!?!?

OP, you seriously need to put your foot down.

Tell him that either these little soirees every month come to an end NOW, or you are walking into a divorce solicitor's office on Monday morning.

This guy is well taking the pish and you have been letting him!

Having time out for meditation and spending a weekend in London seeing a play/film WITH ANOTHER PERSON with dinner included are not the same ruddy things!