Grandchild excluded from will.

January20

Kered wrote: »

I am seeing this from a different angle.

I think that your actions by complaining about the comntents of the will shows that you are not the kind of person that should be an executor/trustee.

This is a very responsible position that your husbands parents have bestowed on you and you have abused it, albiet on an anonomous forum, by disclosing the contents of their will.
You have then gone on to doubt your relationship with your husband on the grounds that he has upheld the trust put in him by his parents by not discussing the contents of the will, I think if I were him, I would be suspicious of your money-grabbing wishes over the content of a will that is purely the personal choice of someone else.

You obviously you see this as a money issue, I see it as an issue with fairness. Why put all the grand-children in the will apart from one? The money doesn't matter. It's the unfairness of it all and the fact that when the grand-parents die, this boy will feel he mattered less to them than the others, will probably question why he was excluded and the saddest thing is that he will never ever be able to have an answer to that question.

Even if the OP's OH gives their son a share of his inheritance to make up for it, wills are public documents and the son may always find out.

It is so cruel for the grand-parents to do this! I am actually wondering if they chose the OP and her OH as executors to make the OP feel as she does now, to create problems within their marriage!

POPPYOSCAR

Jo17 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your replys. Tbh I have fumed over this for the last 3 weeks. I havn't gone to see them as I can't calm down enough to a) think clearly b) know that I'm not going to let rip on them. I don't want to cause a family rift, but I can't just let it go.

The only possible thing I can think of is that they somehow don't believe that my husband is the father of our son? (they have both questioned the parentage of various children in the family over the years..i.e. snide comments like 'that our eldest son's wife 'trapped' him into marraige'. Do I have to get a DNA test?

And Yes, I find it bizarre that they asked us to be executors and cut out our own son!! How could they think I would do that?

This one is to all the ladies out there...If your husband's parents questioned that one of your children was not his, what would your reaction be? What would your husband's reaction be?

Oh, by the way, there has never been anything that has happened involving our son that would justify this. I've asked other family members also, and they all think it is mad, as the Grandparents always speak so highly of our son and are always very proud of his achievements. He is a very polite, hard working young man that any parent would be proud of.

My OH would go absolutely mad and he would have it out with his parents. He would tell them that he was not prepared to have anything to do with a will that left out one of his children.He would not care about being left out himself.

This is obviously eating away at you(as it would me) but you must try to approach both your husband and his parents calmly and ask them the simple question why?

KimYeovil

Your 'joint' son is with the woman 'responsible' for the destruction of their son's marriage. It is entirely reasonable and expected that they may have problem with this and would treat him differently.

POPPYOSCAR

Kered wrote: »

I am seeing this from a different angle.

I think that your actions by complaining about the comntents of the will shows that you are not the kind of person that should be an executor/trustee.

This is a very responsible position that your husbands parents have bestowed on you and you have abused it, albiet on an anonomous forum, by disclosing the contents of their will.
You have then gone on to doubt your relationship with your husband on the grounds that he has upheld the trust put in him by his parents by not discussing the contents of the will, I think if I were him, I would be suspicious of your money-grabbing wishes over the content of a will that is purely the personal choice of someone else.

This is totally unfair. The OP is not concerned about the money as her husband has said that he will make sure they all get the same anyway.She is concerned, as I would be, that her son has been left out and therefore not considered the same as the other grandchildren which in my opinion is outrageous.

ceridwen

Jo17 wrote: »

Hi, our son is 18, there is no other provision in their wills (we know this 100%). or outside of them either. I think my husbands plan is something along the lines of 'don't rock the boat or they will cut him out aswell' where as I believe it is more important to have morals about your family being treated unfairly.

His view seems to be, don't worry about it. When they go he plans to allocate all the children the same share (using his share to make them all equal) fair enough.

But I cant just ignore his parents behaviour toward me? This has come as a complete shock. Until now I got on like a house on fire with them..meals out, weekend trips etc it just doesn't make sense. There has been no arguement of any sort.

It IS definitely really odd behaviour for them to not include your "joint" child in the Will and I don't understand what their reason could possibly be for that. It makes no sense to me.

Having said that - I can understand why you feel it casts doubt on your "integrity" (ie you are wondering if they think the "joint" child isnt really your husbands). However - my assumption would be that it must be for some other reason than that and because this is such an odd thing to do - then you will never know just why...

I dont see it as "husband not standing up for his family". One cant really "blow people up" for the provisions in their Will - as its ultimately their business and not up to other people to question what they have written (I say this - as someone who has seen a member of my family try and question a Will "before the event" and I thought it was outrageous of them to do so). Also - the people concerned are his parents and are maybe a bit elderly by now as well and he doesnt want to upset them (being their son). I dont think it would be wise to try and make him choose between loyalties to you and your children on the one hand and his parents on the other hand.

He is obviously trying to do his best by everyone by his plans to "rectify the situation" at his own expense "after the event" by putting enough of "his share" into the "pot" to ensure that all the children get "equal portions".

I would say he is being pretty caring and generous to give up however much is necessary of "his share" in order to ensure that all the children are treated equally. So - your best plan is to leave it at that and just think "Well - the children WILL all be treated equally - despite the way the grandparents left things and that is the most important thing after all".

Apart from that - just bite your tongue hard and say nowt to either your husband or his parents about this and recognise that many children (even as adults) don't want to upset their parents. Also - as regards this very odd Will - then say nowt to your in-laws. I tend to think that we will all get to the end of our lives with at least one major Unanswered Question as to why someone treated us (your children in your case) the way they did. I cant imagine there is anyone middle age or older who wouldnt like to get someone in a room and say "WHY did you do that to me/them/us? WHY? It doesnt make sense." It is very frustrating to have a major Unanswered Question lurking in our mind - but I guess its just part of Life and this is what your Unanswered Question will be personally.

The thing is with Unanswered Questions - if we could ask the person concerned to explain themselves and had a guarantee that they would give us an honest answer - we still might not know the reason (ie because so many people are not very honest with themselves in some respects - so the answer they told you might not be the real truth even if they themselves thought it was iyswim).

RacyRed

Have you considered that, although they may not have made any formal provision for your son in their will they are perhaps planning to do something for him now, rather than later.

He is 18? Is he planning to go to university or college? If so is it certain yet or is he awaiting exam results? They could be planning to pay off his student loan using tax free cash gifts to him. There are good (tax) reasons why they might be holding fire before announce this.

I also find it strange that they have asked you and your husband to be executors without giving you any explanation for the exclusion of your son.

Whatever else, I agree with the comment above about you have badly abused your role as their executor and, given your feelings on this will as it stands, you should withdraw.

The bottom line is that it is their money and they have the absolute right to do whatever they wish with it. If your husband is happy to equalise the inheritance then that is fine and he is doing the best thing possible. He can no more make his parents change their will than you can.

Kered

Jo17 wrote: »

Fair enough Kered. Point taken.


You've missed the point, but thanks anyway.

I did not miss your point, I just looked at your issues from a different angle and answered from that direction.


Another point - you say in your first post that you have been with your partner for a total of 12 years yet your son in 18.

NickyBat

Kered wrote: »

I am seeing this from a different angle.

I think that your actions by complaining about the comntents of the will shows that you are not the kind of person that should be an executor/trustee.

This is a very responsible position that your husbands parents have bestowed on you and you have abused it, albiet on an anonomous forum, by disclosing the contents of their will.
You have then gone on to doubt your relationship with your husband on the grounds that he has upheld the trust put in him by his parents by not discussing the contents of the will, I think if I were him, I would be suspicious of your money-grabbing wishes over the content of a will that is purely the personal choice of someone else.

Firt of all she hasn't actually disclosed any details of the will she has just given an overall picture.
And i think you have got the wrong end of the stick, it's not about the amount of who gets what it's the fact her child has been completely excluded!

withabix

Jo17: It's actually none of your business.

ceridwen

Jo17 wrote: »

The only possible thing I can think of is that they somehow don't believe that my husband is the father of our son? (they have both questioned the parentage of various children in the family over the years..i.e. snide comments like 'that our eldest son's wife 'trapped' him into marraige'. Do I have to get a DNA test?

I dont know what other comments they have made about other children in the family - so cant comment on that.

The comment you have mentioned would have been taken by me (and I would imagine most people) as meaning "We accept that eldest sons child IS his biological child - BUT she got pregnant against his will before they got married. We suspect she told him she was on the Pill but she wasn't." I would not have interpreted that comment as "Its someone else's child".