Grandchild excluded from will.

Person_one

angelsmomma wrote: »

It is sad and yes she was jealous when he was born.

It is only the house that I am leaving to my son. The rest will be shared equally between the three of them and of course the jewelry will go to my daughters, they already have the wedding and eternity rings from when I was married to their father.

To be fair to your daughter, the news that you'll be getting a new sibling when you're in your twenties is quite a big shock!

Were your daughters heading towards having their own children? Maybe they were hoping you'd be a doting grandmother rather than devoting all your time to your own new baby, after all that's the way it usually works!

melancholly

(just wanted to say upfront that i'm not referring to anyone specifically in this post - people have laid out their reasons for unequal splits and if they are sensible, then that seems all exactly as it should be. i'm thinking about people who don't say anything about issues and then use a will as a way of trying to prove a point.)

i've been pondering this and i think it makes sense to tell people what you're thinking/planning. it's a bit manipulative/cowardly to make decisions that could be difficult to understand and leave everything as some big secret until after you've gone, so that other people are then left in a confusing mess of your making (whilst grieving). it's a little selfish to not let on that anything is wrong and then try to punish someone in a will. i know most situations are nothing like that and everything just gets split evenly, but when it isn't, it should be explained. if anyone is uncomfortable having that conversation, then they should be thinking very carefully about their decision. why pretend everything is fine and be lovely to people and then cut them out?! surely life is too short?

if money is split in ways that make prefect sense to all involved (be it equally or otherwise), then discussing wills is a bit morbid and perhaps easily avoided. when i was growing up i certainly knew who would look after us if anything happened to my parents. not a fun topic, but all clear and out in the open so if the worst had happened, everyone knew my parents' wishes.

i also don't understand why jewellery should only go to daughters and not sons. that way family heirlooms miss whole sections of families - surely granddaughters would love things as much as daughters?

picnmix

Mojisola wrote: »

I think that if you can see a good reason, like this example, for not including some children or grandchildren in the will, it isn't a problem.

If you were also struggling and still hadn't received anything, you'd be most unusual not to be upset about it.

I don't think that this would be unusual, whilst I say we are comfortable, that is only through working very hard with a young family, if I were to win the lottery my life would be a whole lot more comfortable and if a generous stranger walked up to me in the street and gave me a few thousand it would be wonderful. However I did not doubt my Grandpa's love for me or the fact he may have loved his other grandkids more, because of his will and what he cose to do with it, it wasn't my money or possessions so I have no "right" to it.. I have wonderful memories of my grandparents which ground me and will last a lifetime.

my OH's father died (he was estranged from all his children) he left large sums of money to 2 of them, but not the others, there was no reason for the ones he picked, although he obviously had reasons, didnt bother my OH a bit, and at that time we could have really done with extra help as we were both working 2 jobs to get by. However with his other brother it caused huge problems which has resulted in him not talking to half of the family since. I believe what someone chooses to put in their will is their business and I see little point stressing and causing family problems because of it, I know that people put a lot of emphasis on "what they are left", and "why me" but personally the time I have with the person is enough and I would respect their wishes on what they do with their estate when they pass away, be that their favourite relative or someone who showed them extra kindness or even the cat sanctuary. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for peoples actions and it is hard enough to see the sense in some people's actions whilst they are alive, and near damn impossible once they are dead.

Natty68

Wilma33 wrote: »

Are your cousins older than you and the will was maybe written before you were born? I can see why a childless women might leave her money to her nieces/nephews.

Or, at the time the will was written, were you finanically stable and they were not?

Otherwise it seems very odd, assuming you got on with your mum.

Hi sorry it has taken me a while to reply, haven't been on the computer all day.

In answer to your questions my cousins are actually 15 and 20 years, respectively, younger than me - I'm 43. The will was written back in 2000. Also mum hadn't had any contact with these two cousins for the 6 years from the time the will was written until she died in 2006, that was more annoying than anything in the fact they hadn't even spoken to mum since she last saw them. I don't think they knew how to pick up a phone, or write letters or email etc..:p

I had even contacted my cousins suggesting a deed of variation splitting the will three ways and outlining that I was still her daughter after all. And I wasn't going to take it all away from them, just asking for some recognition. Even my solicitor contacted them for me too, and they couldn't even be bothered to make contact with me to tell me what was going to happen, or to bog off!!

I also wasn't allowed to take anything from my mums property, or dispose of her stuff as I know she would have wanted, as I wasn't a named beneficiary so wasn't allowed entrance to her property. So basically all my childhood toys etc and stuff I had given my mum over the years, and inherited furniture from her mum and dad etc all went to a house clearance. My cousins couldn't even be bothered to let me know if I could go in the house or not. They didn't even come down to the house, it was just sold and everything was disposed of.

I was married, and still am, when the will was written. At the time I was going through a rough patch at home, so I suppose I wasn't financially stable at the time. My cousins were stable as one still lived at home and the other one lived with his partner. Also they only lived 3 minutes away from each other and their parents - Gretna is a small place

Also nobody could be bothered to come to see mums final resting place when I notified them all of where her ashes were being scattered - in the lovely crematorium at the top of my main road where I live. And even now after nearly 5 years nobody has been or contacted me for directions etc..

Still there's nowt as queer as folk as they say, and mum obviously had her reasons. The thing that got me going was that it was like a kick in the teeth to me. I suppose in one respect my own mum disowned me...

meritaten

Natty68 wrote: »

Hi sorry it has taken me a while to reply, haven't been on the computer all day.

In answer to your questions my cousins are actually 15 and 20 years, respectively, younger than me - I'm 43. The will was written back in 2000. Also mum hadn't had any contact with these two cousins for the 6 years from the time the will was written until she died in 2006, that was more annoying than anything in the fact they hadn't even spoken to mum since she last saw them. I don't think they knew how to pick up a phone, or write letters or email etc..:p

I had even contacted my cousins suggesting a deed of variation splitting the will three ways and outlining that I was still her daughter after all. And I wasn't going to take it all away from them, just asking for some recognition. Even my solicitor contacted them for me too, and they couldn't even be bothered to make contact with me to tell me what was going to happen, or to bog off!!

I also wasn't allowed to take anything from my mums property, or dispose of her stuff as I know she would have wanted, as I wasn't a named beneficiary so wasn't allowed entrance to her property. So basically all my childhood toys etc and stuff I had given my mum over the years, and inherited furniture from her mum and dad etc all went to a house clearance. My cousins couldn't even be bothered to let me know if I could go in the house or not. They didn't even come down to the house, it was just sold and everything was disposed of.

I was married, and still am, when the will was written. At the time I was going through a rough patch at home, so I suppose I wasn't financially stable at the time. My cousins were stable as one still lived at home and the other one lived with his partner. Also they only lived 3 minutes away from each other and their parents - Gretna is a small place

Also nobody could be bothered to come to see mums final resting place when I notified them all of where her ashes were being scattered - in the lovely crematorium at the top of my main road where I live. And even now after nearly 5 years nobody has been or contacted me for directions etc..

Still there's nowt as queer as folk as they say, and mum obviously had her reasons. The thing that got me going was that it was like a kick in the teeth to me. I suppose in one respect my own mum disowned me...

and this explains why people get upset about being left out of wills! its not the money or 'things' - its the feeling of being abandoned, left out and you KNOW people will talk and wonder why she/he didnt leave anything to their own flesh and blood!

I am so sorry Natty - but, as long as YOU know you did nothing wrong - hold your head up and resolve to never do that to YOUR loved ones! thats how you make your life better!