Grandchild excluded from will.

Mojisola

andy.m wrote: »

People making all sorts of demands and having all sorts of expectations of the contents of wills, when let's be honest it is the request of the person giving the gift that should be honoured and respected.

I don't think you can ignore the emotional impact on people if a will gives unequal shares or ignores someone completely. Although it can sound mercenary, it isn't always. It can be very painful because it's often seen as a reflection of the deceased's love and respect for those left behind.

I have said in other posts that my parents' wills don't distribute their estate equally between their children but there is a good reason which we all understand. If we had been presented with their wills, after their death, with no explanation for the uneven split, I could see there would have been a lot of hurt caused.

angelsmomma

I have 3 children two in their 30's and 1 aged 10. I recently mentioned I was leaving my house to my 10 year old and my eldest was not happy about it. I pointed out that she actually had a husband and house worth double mine. I said would she expect my son to lose his home just to give them two a share when they did not even need it.

She is not happy and did remark "if you are comfortable showing favoritism so be it" I said I was but it is now there between us. I have to say I am very comfortable doing this as this is my sons home, paid for in part by his child support. The other two have never lived here as I rented when they were at home.

podperson

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think you can ignore the emotional impact on people if a will gives unequal shares or ignores someone completely. Although it can sound mercenary, it isn't always. It can be very painful because it's often seen as a reflection of the deceased's love and respect for those left behind.

I have said in other posts that my parents' wills don't distribute their estate equally between their children but there is a good reason which we all understand. If we had been presented with their wills, after their death, with no explanation for the uneven split, I could see there would have been a lot of hurt caused.

Agree with this completely. When my grandma eventually passes away (and fingers crossed will not be for a very long time yet) then I certainly don't expect anything from her - but if she specifically left things/money to my brother and sister and to all my cousins and not to me then I have to admit I would be quite hurt. It would have nothing to do with the money or things it would be the feeling of being excluded and it would start me questioning our relationship - whether I had upset her without knowing it, whether I had been the least favourite etc. And at a time when you're already going to be emotional that is going to be even more difficult.
The OP is rightly thinking that her son is going to feel the same way, if her in-laws hadn't wanted her to see the will then they wouldn't have shown it to her so I don't see the problem in calmly asking about it. Maybe they do have a very good reason for it - and then the OP can pass this onto her son when the time comes. If no one asks now then by the time it does happen it will be too late and they will never know.

Blackpool_Saver

Bo_Nidle wrote: »

Im going to spend all my money and leave nothing. Its quite tricky to time it exactly as I am unsure of my natural end date, but if I time it wrong and end up potless then I shall create my own end date.

I seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

pinkclouds

angelsmomma wrote: »

I have 3 children two in their 30's and 1 aged 10. I recently mentioned I was leaving my house to my 10 year old and my eldest was not happy about it. I pointed out that she actually had a husband and house worth double mine. I said would she expect my son to lose his home just to give them two a share when they did not even need it.

She is not happy and did remark "if you are comfortable showing favoritism so be it" I said I was but it is now there between us. I have to say I am very comfortable doing this as this is my sons home, paid for in part by his child support. The other two have never lived here as I rented when they were at home.

Oh dear. That's quite sad really, for her to feel that way about her baby sibling over two decades her junior. Is she the only daughter? Perhaps you could tell her she will inherit your jewellery (or something significant personal items) to demonstrate that each child will be receiving something relevant and personal to them? Was she very jealous when he was born? (I note she is the eldest - yet another sibling to dilute mom's attention.)

didodo

From the viewpoint of someone who in theory has just 'inherited' a useful sum of money from her mum I think Mojisola has got it completely right. If one person is not included as a beneficiary they are likely to ask 'why me'? And it could be that it isn't an 'exclusion' but sheer forgetfulness, but after the event isn't the time to ask questions. I remember being told that a good way to avoid the question of forgetfulness was to specifically bequest a nominal amount - definitely a way to tell someone you don't like them, imagine if all your siblings got thousands and you got 5p.

I say 'inherited' because in my case Mum and dad had mirror wills leaving their estates in trust but my dad is talking about getting a deed of variation to stop the money being put into a trust and to give it all to him. Am I selfish for wanting that promise of an inheritance to be honoured, if not now then in the future? It'll make very little difference to my sister as she and her husband are financially sorted but I'm disabled, currently unable to work and have used up all my savings and am surviving on benefits. Dad still gets the use of the money to buy a property or to take an income from so what's the big deal for him?!

CH27

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think you can ignore the emotional impact on people if a will gives unequal shares or ignores someone completely. Although it can sound mercenary, it isn't always. It can be very painful because it's often seen as a reflection of the deceased's love and respect for those left behind.

I have said in other posts that my parents' wills don't distribute their estate equally between their children but there is a good reason which we all understand. If we had been presented with their wills, after their death, with no explanation for the uneven split, I could see there would have been a lot of hurt caused.

My mum predeceased her dad by a few months.
Due to the wording of the will her brother got the lot when my grandad wanted me & my sister to have mum's share.

I cannot describe how upset, angry & frustrated I was by the situation & now do not speak to my uncle or his family.

RacyRed

angelsmomma wrote: »

I have 3 children two in their 30's and 1 aged 10. I recently mentioned I was leaving my house to my 10 year old and my eldest was not happy about it. I pointed out that she actually had a husband and house worth double mine. I said would she expect my son to lose his home just to give them two a share when they did not even need it.

She is not happy and did remark "if you are comfortable showing favoritism so be it" I said I was but it is now there between us. I have to say I am very comfortable doing this as this is my sons home, paid for in part by his child support. The other two have never lived here as I rented when they were at home.

To be honest, I think that using the term "the other two" speaks volumes about your attitude to your children.

If I were your eldest daughter I'd be very disappointed that you had done that yet not countered it with something to make me feel equal in your affections, or at least discussed your intentions with before writing your will. Who will your son's guardian be if anything happened to you and your husband? Eldest daughter by any chance?

What happens if your son grows up and makes a success of his life before your time comes, will you change your will as the circumstances have changed?

It isn't about the money.

CL

I agree with above post. If you said to your daughter, "At the minute you are financially stable with a home and I just want to insure, should something happen to me in the next 8-10 years, he is provided for. But in 8-10 years I will draft a new will as he will then be able to support himself."

At least your daughter would not feel like you love her less than your youngest.

onlyroz

CH27 wrote: »

My mum predeceased her dad by a few months.
Due to the wording of the will her brother got the lot when my grandad wanted me & my sister to have mum's share.

Surely, if your grandad wanted this he would have stated it explicitly in his will?