Grandchild excluded from will.

Natty68

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think you can ignore the emotional impact on people if a will gives unequal shares or ignores someone completely. Although it can sound mercenary, it isn't always. It can be very painful because it's often seen as a reflection of the deceased's love and respect for those left behind.

I have said in other posts that my parents' wills don't distribute their estate equally between their children but there is a good reason which we all understand. If we had been presented with their wills, after their death, with no explanation for the uneven split, I could see there would have been a lot of hurt caused.

I agree with everything you have said as it happened to me. My mum died just under 5 years ago now, and I was her only daughter. When she died I found that she had left everything to my two cousins, whom she hadn't seen for over 6 years, and absolutely nothing to me. To say I was hurt was an understatement - I felt that my mum didn't love me at all, and that the past 38 years counted for nothing when she died. All I hope is that the money didn't give the cousins all the happiness it could have given them - yes I know that is callous but in some way I really felt that they had cheated me of any recognition of being my mums daughter.

CL

Natty68 wrote: »

I really felt that they had cheated me of any recognition of being my mums daughter.

They didn't do anything. Your mum did. Blame her.

Natty68

CL wrote: »

They didn't do anything. Your mum did. Blame her.

That is what I was feeling at that time after her death, now I feel nothing for her or my cousins.

At the time it hurt me a lot as I couldn't understand why she had done this. But she obviously had her reasons, however unreasonable they were.

coolcait

Artytarty wrote: »

angelmomma, are you using this as an opportunity to punish your daughter for saying that?
I presume you still love her?
By that I do not mean that giving money equates to love but to parity of esteem.
I think you need to be very careful not to cause long term damage. If the worst happened and you died would you not like to think that your daughter might become more involved in your sons life/

On the other hand, I am much older than my youngest sibling (not that I usually tell people that, much less in writing!).

I have no idea about the contents of my surviving parent's will. However, if it happens to be: "I bequeath my house to my youngest child", I would have no problem with that.

I have my own house, family, life etc. My youngest sibling still lives with my parent.

To my mind, it is not about 'giving' equating to love, parity of esteem or anything like that. It's about a practical assessment of who needs it most.

Savvy_Sue

didodo wrote: »

I say 'inherited' because in my case Mum and dad had mirror wills leaving their estates in trust but my dad is talking about getting a deed of variation to stop the money being put into a trust and to give it all to him. Am I selfish for wanting that promise of an inheritance to be honoured, if not now then in the future? It'll make very little difference to my sister as she and her husband are financially sorted but I'm disabled, currently unable to work and have used up all my savings and am surviving on benefits. Dad still gets the use of the money to buy a property or to take an income from so what's the big deal for him?!

He can only do a deed of variation if all the beneficiaries agree. Sounds like you don't ...

Wilma33

Natty68 wrote: »

That is what I was feeling at that time after her death, now I feel nothing for her or my cousins.

At the time it hurt me a lot as I couldn't understand why she had done this. But she obviously had her reasons, however unreasonable they were.

Are your cousins older than you and the will was maybe written before you were born? I can see why a childless women might leave her money to her nieces/nephews.

Or, at the time the will was written, were you finanically stable and they were not?

Otherwise it seems very odd, assuming you got on with your mum.

margaretclare

Mojisola wrote: »

I think that if you can see a good reason, like this example, for not including some children or grandchildren in the will, it isn't a problem.

If you were also struggling and still hadn't received anything, you'd be most unusual not to be upset about it.

It's very difficult, isn't it, this whole business of leaving to grandchildren. I lean towards DH's point of view: 'no one left me anything, I'd rather not leave to anybody'. He says - jokingly I hope - that when he's 90 he's max out the considerable sums he has on credit cards, which he never uses at present, and then say 'sue me'. In that case, nothing to leave behind to anybody!

A lot of people agonise about not wanting to pay for their care because they want all their assets to go to descendants. That's not a problem for us either. If we need it while we're still alive and there's nowt left, so be it. Not a problem.

However, not all grandchildren are alike. 2 of his, we get invited to some of their various functions at public school, concerts, carol service etc even though we're 150 miles away. One of mine I only hear about via Facebook. Another of mine I don't hear of at all, don't know where he lives, what he's doing, and numerous attempts to make him a Facebook 'friend' have been rejected. I have no idea at all what I've done to upset him - nothing, AFAIK.

The eldest one is struggling. Most months I give her a bit extra because she is very keen to stay out of debt. A few years ago she was homeless and unemployed, now lives in a one-bedroom council flat and pays as much council tax as we do living in a 2-bedroom bungalow! She also can't have a water meter which would save her money. It would be cheaper for her to pay a mortgage than council rent, but she has no savings. So, she is the one that needs more help than anyone. She doesn't need my jewellery - she'd never wear it, so that will go to her sister. And my SIPP is assigned to them between the two so hopefully that will grow a bit.

I don't want arguments about these things while we're still alive, though - it's between the 2 of us and our solicitor. Just been to see him this morning, because a few things have changed since we made the original wills.

whitewing

I am uncomfortable with a concept of leaving unequal shares as someone needs it more than someone else. Some people manage their finances better than others, or keep their troubles to themselves. It doesn't mean they would appreciate the gift less.

margaretclare

whitewing wrote: »

I am uncomfortable with a concept of leaving unequal shares as someone needs it more than someone else. Some people manage their finances better than others, or keep their troubles to themselves. It doesn't mean they would appreciate the gift less.

That's not the only reason, as I thought I'd clearly explained.

Artytarty

When it happened to me I felt as if was being punished for making my sensible, boring, reliable but safe life choices and my brother was being rewarded for being a silly a**!
Also my husbands money doesnt really feel like mine at all although he happily shares it.