Single mum, want to move 300 miles away..

shellsuit

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

That is a totally ridiculous thing for someone living on benefits to say!

I gather she walk talking 'people' wise, not money wise.

paulwellerfan

just a question but would hb pay the rent if you moved to a different area.? would it be a problem?

poet123

If the OH has such a supportive family that really want your relationship to succeed could they not help with practical matters. I know if he was one of my sons we would do all we could to help a prospective Dil to move into the family circle.

Do they not have room for you to stay (and keep your own home) for a few months to see how you settle in? I would involve them, take it slowly and keep a safety net.

Depending on skills, there are jobs in Merseyside....it is not at all the hell hole it is often painted.

whitewing

If you can do a home swap then that would probably be most sensible.

If not, then I think I would move straight in with OH (I don't necessarily mean move in right now, just don't move until you both want to move in together even if it seems 'quick' to everyone else). Sometimes you do have to take a risk on a potential partner. The only thing I would say is make sure that you know your escape routes if you did need to leave (check out the Women's Aid sticky). Others wil be horrified no doubt at this suggestion and you will get a lot of warning against it. I was on my own with a young son - wish I'd had MSE then.

t0rt0ise

I did a swap last year via the Homeswapper site http://www.homeswapper.co.uk/. I found that I had to do a lot of work, searching the site looking for straight swaps, three way swaps and more, messaging and emailing people and spending hours walking up and down roads on google maps street view. You do have to work at it. I would never, in your situation or mine, consider giving up the HA house and going into private rental. I'd give the swapping a serious go if I were you. It took me three months to find one. Good luck.

property.advert

I spent some time on benefits as a single parent and if the OP cannot save more than £10 a week then she has some truly outlandish expenses for someone not working.

From the top of my head I received around £140 a week all tolled and my rent paid. A toddler costs perhaps £40 a week (being generous here) and I remember my bills were around £20 per week. That leaves a massive £80 per week. After food, the truly only essential you need and some other expenses, you could have £50 a week left. That is borderline I admit but possible and a far cry from £10.

Then what about surveys ? A toddler goes to bed early and the OP can find time to post here and obviously has the internet. I got up to about £150 a month on them, split between Amazon and cash.

My guess on just how resourceful the OP is would be to look at their mobile phone. A £9.99 special and fine, they are thinking about things whilst an iphone 4 or other flashy smart phone on some expensive contract means that they are simply wasting the benefits received on luxury items whilst moaning about having no money.

As for the move, the OP is risking her kid having no home if it goes pear shaped. Better to stay and have the guy commute to her.

Iwani

Is there a reason posters such as property.advert need to go quite so far with personal attacks based on nothing but assumptions? The OP asked for practical advice (and you have had some good advice from some helpful posters Katie, hopefully some of it will help you) not anyone's opinions on her personal life.
I'm sorry but the above post for example is just plain nasty - if you don't have any help to offer and you can't manage to be pleasant then isn't there a bridge you could be trip-trapping over instead?

Gigglepig

KatieVA wrote: »

I'm absolutely astounded by some of the people on here, so quick to judge and jump on people. I certainly won't be coming back to this site.

Anyway, to clear a few things up:

He isn't a random guy, we've been together nearly a year.

When I say I have nothing to stick around here for, I really do mean that. I have no family here and no friends - friends all went their seperate ways when I had my son, which is fair enough, it's part of growing up and life.

I am very close with OH's family, both my son and I, and they treat us like we're part of their family. OH's mum is the closest thing to a grandmother my son has. They are the nicest people I've ever met and I love them all to the end of the earth. We often go up to stay with them, we know the area very well and have made friends up here too.

This isn't something I would do on a whim - this would take at least a year or 2 to plan before I actually do move. It's not something I'm taking lightly, it's a HUGE life changing decision.

For those who have very rudely questioned my parenting skills and priorities - yes, this would be the best thing for my son - to move to a beautiful place where he has family (well, the closest thing to a family) and friends around him who love and care about him - rather than the 2 of us rotting away in that flat in my hometown, where we barely ever see or speak to anyone. Up here in Merseyside, it feels like our home. Down there, there's nothing for us except misery.

As I said, there are 2 universities nearby up in Merseyside that do the course I'm wanting to take at some point. So if I decide to do it, the option is there too.

I am a very independant person and I don't rely on anyone, both physically and emotionally. I have gone it alone with my son for almost 2 years and I've never had any help from anyone - not even when he was a newborn. It's just the 2 of us, alone. His father has never played any part in his life, he met him once when he was born and said he never wanted anything to do with him and we've never seen or spoken to each other since.

So to summerise, my son and I have an opportunity here to be happy and I want to take it. I know 1000% that it's the right thing to do. It's just a case of saving up and getting everything in order. It will take a long time but it's worth the wait. Yes, I have thought about what might happen if it all goes wrong, and it would make no difference to either of us if it did - we'd just be in the same situation but in a prettier part of the country!

Anyway, I'm leaving this thread/website alone now, but I just wanted to clear that up. Thank you for the helpful replies!

Sorry to hear that you are leaving the website Katie, it is actually very useful and many people are always trying to help.

I did not mean to offend anyone and I'm sorry if I contributed to the thread going downhill. The OP did not contain that much information. I was trying to be helpful by pointing out that moving can be quite costly and it could potentially make things a lot less financially stable. Some of the OP's responses did not seem very friendly either (complaining about other posters being ignorant will not bring out the best in people...)

Anyway Katie, please do give the forum another go, in general most people on here are caring and helpful. :)There is lots of other useful information on the forum which could help you achieve your financial goals faster. Many types of savings advice, and some times people post SoA to get helpful advice on their expenses. If you are going to sell your current furniture etc. and acquire new one, there are also plenty of tips for example about ebay, carboot sales, and bargain things to buy new things.

I'm not sure if anyone else mentioned this, here are few other examples of "hidden costs" relating to moving to private rental: if you are renting on the private market there could be hidden costs: the agent may charge a "referencing fee" (last time I paid one it was quite expensive, I think nearly 100 pounds.) Some agencies charge "admin fees" for signing the lease and for renewing the lease. I don't know how common this is, but last time I was quoted 60 pounds. Some will also charge significant fees/interest if the rent is paid late.

KatieVA

property.advert wrote: »

I spent some time on benefits as a single parent and if the OP cannot save more than £10 a week then she has some truly outlandish expenses for someone not working.

From the top of my head I received around £140 a week all tolled and my rent paid. A toddler costs perhaps £40 a week (being generous here) and I remember my bills were around £20 per week. That leaves a massive £80 per week. After food, the truly only essential you need and some other expenses, you could have £50 a week left. That is borderline I admit but possible and a far cry from £10.

Then what about surveys ? A toddler goes to bed early and the OP can find time to post here and obviously has the internet. I got up to about £150 a month on them, split between Amazon and cash.

My guess on just how resourceful the OP is would be to look at their mobile phone. A £9.99 special and fine, they are thinking about things whilst an iphone 4 or other flashy smart phone on some expensive contract means that they are simply wasting the benefits received on luxury items whilst moaning about having no money.

As for the move, the OP is risking her kid having no home if it goes pear shaped. Better to stay and have the guy commute to her.

Haha, this actually made me lol! :rotfl:

Seeing as you're so interested in my financial situation (why? I asked about moving, not for judgements about where my money goes! creepy! :S) I'm paying off debt left over from when I moved into my flat. When I first moved in, I had nothing. No savings, no personal belongings, literally just the clothes off my back and my son's clothes and cot. The flat I moved into was completely bare, no carpets, nothing. I ended up getting myself into debt (not huge amounts, less than £1000) buying a bed, furniture, a cooker, fridge etc. Over the course of the last year, I've been paying the debts off - I'm on fuel direct/water direct - where my gas and water bills are taken directly out of my money before it's even paid to me, and part of that payment is to pay off money that I owed them before. So I'm paying out £160 per month for bills, which is about £40 per week, consisting of the current month's bill and arrears. That's not negotiable, as long as I have enough money for the bare minimum to live on, and I do, then it's what I have to pay.

Then I have my broadband and landline bill to pay. Food to buy, (I would never dream of feeding my son disgusting, processed food - everything we eat is fresh, homemade and very healthy so my food bill isn't as cheap as it would be if we lived on chips and chicken nuggets...yes, surprisingly my priorities are me and my son's health and wellbeing and not material items, shock horror!)...nappies, wipes, clothes for my son (all might I add are either bought 2nd hand from Ebay or from charity shops, I haven't bought a new item of clothing in about 3 years now and probably never would unless I won the lottery!). Back on the subject of phones, you'll be surprised to hear that I actually own a £15 cheap !!!!!! Samsung phone from Tesco, on pay as you go. Actually it's not !!!!!! at all, it sends texts and makes calls and that's all I need. I'd never in a million years be able to afford an Iphone, nor would I be so stupid as to shell out for something so ridiculously unnecessary.

So seriously yes, after all the necessities have been paid, I really do have only £10, £15 AT A PUSH per week that I can put into savings, £80 my !!!!! I don't know ANY parent, let alone a single parent who has £80 per week they can put into savings! Jebus. As for making £150 per month on surveys, I'm pretty sure I can't go making £150 per month without having to declare it - meaning I'd get my money stopped. I was told I could only make a maximum of £20 per week on top of the benefits I receive before the money is stopped.

I don't moan about having no money either, thanks. I'm very grateful for everything I have. I have no desire for "luxury" items, I survive on the bare minimum and I'm happy and content being that way.

Cheers for the er.....advice?? anyway.

KatieVA

Gigglepig wrote: »

Sorry to hear that you are leaving the website Katie, it is actually very useful and many people are always trying to help.

I did not mean to offend anyone and I'm sorry if I contributed to the thread going downhill. The OP did not contain that much information. I was trying to be helpful by pointing out that moving can be quite costly and it could potentially make things a lot less financially stable. Some of the OP's responses did not seem very friendly either (complaining about other posters being ignorant will not bring out the best in people...)

Anyway Katie, please do give the forum another go, in general most people on here are caring and helpful. :)There is lots of other useful information on the forum which could help you achieve your financial goals faster. Many types of savings advice, and some times people post SoA to get helpful advice on their expenses. If you are going to sell your current furniture etc. and acquire new one, there are also plenty of tips for example about ebay, carboot sales, and bargain things to buy new things.

I'm not sure if anyone else mentioned this, here are few other examples of "hidden costs" relating to moving to private rental: if you are renting on the private market there could be hidden costs: the agent may charge a "referencing fee" (last time I paid one it was quite expensive, I think nearly 100 pounds.) Some agencies charge "admin fees" for signing the lease and for renewing the lease. I don't know how common this is, but last time I was quoted 60 pounds. Some will also charge significant fees/interest if the rent is paid late.

Don't be sorry! :grouphug: <--- supposed to be a hug, but looks a bit rude, oo err! I should have been nuch more clear in my OP, but I didn't realise I'd have to divulge every single detail about my private life, relationship and finances :rotfl:

I do feel that if I hadn't have said that I'm a single mother on benefits, then I'd have just got the straightforward advice that I'd originally asked for. But maybe I'm just being over sensitive. It's a shame that single mums get judged, there are some of us who didn't ask to be put in the situation we're in now and we really are trying to make the most of what we've got. It's the !!!!!! fathers that should get the stick for !!!!ing off and leaving us alone, not the mothers who do all the hard work!

There has been some really helpful advice though, and I've decided it would be much more wise to sign up to every single home swapping website going. I didn't want to give up the flat I'm in, I was well aware that I'd be giving up a lot of security, but I was under the impression that it would take me years and years to find a match, so I thought private renting would be the only option.