Government cuts have led us to question our marrage?

thorsoak

beezbonnet wrote: »

Thoughts.......................

Wife and I are in early 40s, and are reasonably prosperous.
Up until recently my income was around 52K pa which I had to work pretty hard for, a large part of my income was out of hours and working away from home. This was a bit hard on us both, my wife suffers occasional depression, worrying about her side of family and also sometimes felt trapped in the home, so when redundancy was offered, as my job could be outsourced abroad, I settled for redundancy around 12 months pay and took a job for 10K less and better hours. Pay is declining in my industry unfortunately and I'm getting older and want to spend time with kids more. My wife has only ever worked occasionally and part time but I bought a couple of rental properties in her name so we could benefit from her tax allowance. (a studio 5 miles away with very good tenant I don't want to loose bought for a pitance which would incur capital gains if sold for 45K and a 4 bed house 200 miles away worth about 5K more than paid, about 140K, 70K mortgaged, no tenant sale underway) I say we were prosperous.

As your wife has two rental properties in her name, she will not be entitled to any housing benefit, and this income will be taken into account before she would be awarded any further benefits.

We have 3 children eldest 11 and a 4th on the way imminently. We live in a very modest 4 (small) bed detached (value about 240K). We have savings around 70K which could pay mortgage off on 3rd property.
I have 3 pensions from various prior employment which have all performed disastrously, so now only pay pension on what what would be 40% taxed. At the moment I pay no pension as im border line 40% tax.
I guess thats where the bad news starts. I had thought I could save to pay for my kids to go to university but with 4 kids and little pension I wont be able to give each what by then will be well in access of current 9k a year to each of them for 3 years and still leave each with debts for living expenses. I was hoping for an early retirement.
We would also like to move to a bigger home for the baby however this is again complicated. I have the eldest in a (very highly rated) church school which is 7 miles away. We have a free bus, but due to cut backs we only continue to qualify for free bus if we remain at current address, we will have to pay £3000 a year per child for the school bus if we move.

I've already asked what transport is involved which costs in the region of £15 per day per child for the school year? And who do you expect to pay that when your family splits up?

From your latest post, your daughter catches the same bus as you - an error here?

Moving closer to the school is difficult as it's in an inner city area.
This year we lost our family tax credits which I didn't mind a bit, but next year april 2012 if I earn even my current salary we will loose child allowance, which is considerable with 4 children. Understand the rule will be once in 40% tax loose all child allowance?
We both came from impoverished backgrounds but were brought up with strong work ethics. In past we have support other extended family members. In truth we have also grown apart but we stay together because we believe strongly in family values.

Oh yes. It sounds like it!

I don't want any sympathy this is not about that. It just seems that we are in a peculiar situation, or maybe not so peculiar does this run true for anyone else?
We have considerable savings which are being heavily eroded by inflation.
If we move to a bigger house (locally) we are hit with thousands of pounds fees or our children suffer educationally.
To avoid a £5000 pay cut (loss in child allowance) I will need to pay increasing sums into another non returning pension or arrange for unpaid leave as I will have a child under 5, (think that scheme still exists 'parental leave' up to total 6 months leave from work can be requested while have child under 5?) What ever way if we live together I must accept my income is fixed at £42K for next few years unless I can find another job on over 47K. Then for the risk of moving and fact I'm only a walk to work now I got to be looking for 50K+ with travel costs for any noticeable income improvement.

I'm staying with my family to support them, I'm a good wage earner but the insanities of the system I feel are making me a burden on them they'd be no worse off (financially) with me out the house. From working away before I know the kids benefit from me being near.

I would have liked to sell up and move the whole family to a very rural location where large properties are very cheep, I already bought the 3rd property with good school catchment area above, I would take any simple job, money would not matter as our current home would sell for 2 rental properties so we;d have rent times 3 + any little I made but the wife has point blank refused. It seams or dreams and ambitions for the future are very different which is our problem.

The way things are looking we've done very well but now our lives are going no where now. Staying together for the sake of the kids we're not just wasting time we;re actually causing our selves financial harm, punished for trying to keep our marriage together. I'm considering suggesting we separate. I can move out and buy a 2 bed house in an adjoining street. only a minutes walk away. The wife can take the 240K house furnishings and the people carrier but no money and I can take the rest which will amount to almost as much as she's got. She will have a fully paid for home with more space she can run her way but can live on benefits and 25% of my pay whatever, and have a child minder available down the street. I can have a clean tidy home where the children can come for meals and any time they want and to get away from each other if they need some space. I cant live in the country but I can have the odd day away somewhere I choose when I want.

Odd though it seems, Government cuts which will effect us, may cause us to consider costing the government more and it may be better for the children if we are separated but live close than before where we were married but I worked away. ........

Why not just come right out with it? YOU WANT TO BUY YOURSELF A MOTORBIKE/A FLASH CAR and get a younger, non-pregnant partner!

In your heading you say "...cuts have lead US to question OUR marriage .....you have told us what YOU want - what does your heavily-pregnant WIFE want?

pearl123

thorsoak wrote: »

what does your heavily-pregnant WIFE want?

The poor woman is poorer than she knows! I feel very sorry for her.

To plot a seperate future, whilst one's partner is heavily pregnant - is very low indead. It's very calculating.

jetta_wales

pearl123 wrote: »

The poor woman is poorer than she knows! I feel very sorry for her.

To plot a seperate future, whilst one's partner is heavily pregnant - is very low indead. It's very calculating.

You could say exactly the same and worse of somebody deliberately not taking contraception to conceive a child against their partners will.

Clearly the trust they may have once had is long gone now.

sharnad

so OP is seperating from wife for money nice

ukjoel

Understand and agree with a lot of what OP is saying. Dont think for a minute he is a troll as have been in a similar set of circumstances but there options.

First - sell the houses and clear your debts. Move to a bigger house or build an annex on yours and use the rent a room scheme to earn 4k a year tax free for your wife.

Second - increase your pension payments to bring you under the 40k taxband. This means firstly you can retire earlier and secondly she can still claim child benefit. Also look at childcare vouchers to further reduce this number down.

Dont worry about paying for your kids to go to university - Get them to borrow the money from the government like everyone else. You paying it upfront is not tax efficient to you or to them. I also think this law will change quite soon when the govt realise how much it will cost not that every uni want 9k a year and an average degree will cost 50k including living expenses. Lets see how many univerisites close down as well. They have got greedy and its going to hurt them.

SingleSue

jetta_wales wrote: »

You could say exactly the same and worse of somebody deliberately not taking contraception to conceive a child against their partners will.

Clearly the trust they may have once had is long gone now.

He could have negated that by wearing a condom, would have made doubly sure of no more babies.

My ex hubby was at one point so against having children that just in case the pill failed (that I took without exception as it kept my endometriosis at bay), that he wore at condom.

beezbonnet

Just to clear up:

As your wife has two rental properties in her name, she will not be entitled to any housing benefit, and this income will be taken into account before she would be awarded any further benefits.

I already said, two houses she cant or is unwilling to live in. I have the house she wants to live in, we would agree to swap she would be getting more value wise.

I've already asked what transport is involved which costs in the region of £15 per day per child for the school year? And who do you expect to pay that when your family splits up?

Exactly its a stupid. The cost is grossly exaggerated. Council want to close the service thats why the cost would be so high for any new takers. They set the price as the same as a private taxi. Its how they try to cut services. Its outragous. No one would ever pay it. I think I already said that. I see it as another example of how I have fell into one of the small groups attacked by the cuts.

From your latest post, your daughter catches the same bus as you - an error here?

Sometimes I walk her to the bus stop, sometimes I run her up in the car if its raining and drop the car back home for wife to use. Had a few second cars over past couple of years. Not flash ones. Just if I see something cheap and the weathers getting bad, buy a car run about in it for a few weeks, sorry this is probably going to p**s people off. Sell it hopefully make something on it. Don't really need a reliable as have a nice mountain bike I like using in better weather or could always call a cab. Used to like playing with cars once now they kind of bore me. So expensive for the new ones, more fun trading old ones from time to time. Maybe thats a skill I want to pass on to my son when he's a bit older, how to spot a bargain car. Make sure wife only drives a decent car though, decent not flashy mind, when shes driving the kids around.

Oh yes. It sounds like it!

Well we tried living that way but it seems increasingly no one else does, if were not madly in love are we a couple

A MOTORBIKE

I've had them before I was married, I don't need to separate to have another.
I don't have one because, I've known people who've died. I wouldn't want my children to want them so I don't have them or talk about them.

Work ethic, Yes wife work ethic isn't same as mine. maybe she's right 'no one dies wishing they had spent more time working' wheres it get you?

Some self confessions , may be youll dislike me even more:

Wife and I do have things in common were a bit too competitive with each other and it can turn to envy. She'd like to be out there earing the dosh, but she never got the education. I like to be as good at home as at work. Thats the modern man isn't it. Cook like Jamie Oliver, never miss a school play. Thing she can do that I cant do is have babies and until they're 2 or 3 years old shes so much better at looking after them, I'm like a wet fish with a 3 month old child. I know why she planned the baby.

That and once about 3 years ago we had a row and she was going to kick me out the house. It was a Friday in summer and spontaneously I took the kids down to Range and we bought a frame tent and sleeping bags and the lot and planned a camping holiday for easter in a couple of weeks. We put the tent up straight away in the back garden, filled the whole garden it did and we camped out there just for fun all weekend. It was real fun. It kind of put things in perspective what she was dealing with, I guess there would be a few women who'd be pretty angry about that and like to post comments about it.
Its probably not thing to have done, we made up later and she came camping too,
We went to Southwald, the camp site by the harbor. Its really great there but she did try to sabotage it just a bit. Kids and I agreed, camping by the beach was damned good fun but it didn't agree with mum very much.

pearl123

Beezebonnet. You've appear to have worked out the financial part of a divorce.
I suggest if you haven't already looked - you google "How divorce affects children", as your children do seem to mean alot to you. (Divorce is traumatic for children.).

I would also suggest that you and your wife visit relate or an similar organisation. There are alot of lives involved in your break up.
Have you even thought about Christmas holidays etc? I suppose you have.

emlou2009

You'd take the country house and make your wife support you? You really are a piece of work.

Susan_Frost

Not read the whole thread.

Not surprised your wife does not want to move to the country. Isolated with four kids and a husband who is considering ending the marriage. No chance. She knows she will need her current friends and support system around her when you finally decide to dump the family.

If the marriage is genuinely ended, then fair enough. But stop blaming the government and everything else. You have lots going on for you financially.

I am wondering if this post is just a wind up.