Government cuts have led us to question our marrage?

DoWhatULove-LoveWhatUDo

The whole OP reads like a rationalisation to me.

I can't understand why he believes his family would be no worse off if he moved away and took the main household income with him.

The OP needs to do some real sums to find out he's wrong about that.

If he wants to leave his marriage and live the life if a single man then that's his choice, and his responsibility.

It may not be that easy to convince the children that he left them "because the government made me do it" and that they aren't any worse off because of it.

The new baby's coming into a bit of a situation isn't he/she? With an absent dad and a mum prone to depression who's just been abandoned by her husband, and brothers and sisters in a state of shock about their world being cracked apart.

Do what you need to do OP, but be a man and take responsibility for what you want and what you do.

In a year my brother will have one child at University.

In two years he will have two children at University.

In three years he will have three children at University. :eek:

He's just doing the best he can for his family in the circumstances that exist, not abdicating responsibility for his family because that's what he wants to do, and blaming it on external forces.

jetta_wales

Sod all the flaming some people just enjoy doing that especially if the person involved has more money than they do.

You've got big marriage problems and they're not going to go away, your wife is happy to spend £6k on visiting her family but not £100 on taking the kids to a theme park? Yeah I can see why you're not very impressed with that. At the end of the day yes single wage families are getting squeezed more at the moment but that's not what's wrong with your marriage all the other stuff is.

Get a solicitor (there's no denying you're going to need one with that many assets to split) and do what you already know you need to do because you certainly don't sound like you're ever going to be living a 'happily ever after' with this woman.

Staying together for the kids is not a good idea and not in their best interests either. Give them the choice of where they'd rather live and make the best of what you've got (which is still a lot in many respects).

Best of luck.

justjohn

Blame easy but excepting responsibility is the hard thing for some.

You have more probs than the Gov cutbacks. And if your wife decides to leave you sounds like your going too get well and truly stuffed.

Oog

Hello beezbonnet,
I'd like to try and be helpful.
Have you considered going to a Relate counsellor on your own? I think you would benefit from getting all these worries out and maybe getting some help with prioritising what is important and what's not. You never know, your wife might want to come further down the line. (I assume she doesn't know this is coming?)
It is easy to work out finances and see how you may be better off financially but perhaps you might want to consider what your children think is most important in their lives?
You have already said they prefer having you home so maybe you have already realised that there are more important things than lots of money? It might niggle but that's real life I suppose!
Also, what will the outlook be for the new baby? (I know you didn't want it but you sound like a responsible parent to your other children and it's not this child's fault that it's going to be born.) Will it have a better or worse upbringing than the siblings if you split up?
[Oh, and most people now get loans to go to University so you can either choose to help pay them off if you are in a position to or decide it is a good lesson in financial management which they may not learn from their mum!]

ellay864

Just a couple of comments....Child benefit isn't cut if you're on more than £40K, anyone gets that regardless of income according to the HMRC website. It's Child Tax Credits that are based on income - I just got a letter from them informing me I wasn't entitled to them anymore, but my child benefit payment is still continuing
Also one comment from the OP about driving 14 miles round trip to work. How can you moan about that? I do 25 miles each way, my OH does 40. It can be a pain but I made my choice as we chose to live in an area we could afford and near work was just too pricey. We also like the area and it was convenient for other things back at the time we moved here. OH does that drive as he moved in with me but can't find another job closer to here. Sorry, but if you really think that you need to upheave everything as a 14 mile drive is too much then you really do have your priorities wrong

diable

To the OP if you add up all of your income including money from rent and add up all your savings and net worth and take away roughly all you expenses/outgoings then how much are you left with in a year?

Also where is the family abroad as I can't see it costing that much to travel.

margaretclare

...single income traditional families are now a minority

I don't know about 'single income traditional families' (N.B. what's traditional?) because I've never been in one and I don't know anyone who has. So in that regard, nothing has changed.

I wrote that DH (my second husband after widowhood) and I had a century in the workplace between us.

I've usually worked with women, in women-dominated jobs, and those women had to come from somewhere. Even if they worked part-time, that was still part of the family income and often an important part. The myth that women who worked only did so for 'pin money' should have disappeared long ago.

The people I see being 'squeezed' more than anybody are single people in low-paid jobs. My eldest GD is one. Working, paying her own way, getting no benefits from anywhere.

Bo_Nidle

too many kids, too many houses, too many pensions.

thorsoak

I'm another who has re-read the thread, and I would respectfully ask Beezbonnet to recheck his figures. Do you seriously expect us to accept the fact that you would have to pay £3,000 per child to travel to school per year? How far are they travelling each day? To Hogwarts??

That and the fact that you seriously contemplate letting the State keep your wife and bring up your children when you are on a salary of £40,000 makes me weep into my coffee (no longer able to afford alcohol!) You are seriously one greedy beggar if you expect the State to keep the fruit of your loins so that you can keep more of the fruit of your labours.

And who do you expect to pay for your divorce? And do you not expect your wife's solicitor to get the best possible deal for his/her client - and not go for the jugular of your income (don't forget, your pensions plus properties will all be in the pot!).

OP - I wish you well - and I wish your wife well-rid of you!

FATBALLZ

beezbonnet wrote: »

I posted this thread to demonstrate that the cut backs planned are grossly unfair.
Some people are completely unaffected, but large families with a single bread winners and savers are loosing 20% of their net income while others better off are loosing nothing.
The worst effected are single parents with large families and a decent income.

The unfair thing about cutbacks is the Child Benefit and Child Tax Credits should have been scrapped across the board, not just for a small group of high income people. You want lots of kids - you pay for it. I'm not planning on having more than 2 (partly) because they are expensive and I'd be concerned how I'd pay for them if I had a change of circumstances. Anybody who has kids thinking the state will pay for them deserves no sympathy.

beezbonnet wrote: »

Pensions: Charges and returns on pensions are awful. They are now based on people living till they are almost 90.
After 20 years paying into company pensions I have around £30,000 worth of pension, no more than has been paid in. When I retire pay ot will be ar what 8% pa????

If all you've put into a pension in 20 years is £30k then it's no surprise your pension will be crap. Even if you'd doubled your money you'd be looking at a pension of barely £3k a year.