Government cuts have led us to question our marrage?

ceridwen

margaretclare wrote: »

The people I see being 'squeezed' more than anybody are single people in low-paid jobs. My eldest GD is one. Working, paying her own way, getting no benefits from anywhere.

Thank you for saying that Margaret:T. Its SO difficult to find anyone who isnt "single/childless/poorly-paid" who seems to understand that fact - so good on you that you do:)

make_me_wise

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Its not you darling, its not me either, its just these goverment cutbacks. Blimey what a catch you are. The only thing more laughable than your story is that there is apparently a woman daft enough to have four kids with you!!!!

thorsoak

beezbonnet wrote: »

Just to clear up:


I already said, two houses she cant or is unwilling to live in. I have the house she wants to live in, we would agree to swap she would be getting more value wise.


Exactly its a stupid. The cost is grossly exaggerated. Council want to close the service thats why the cost would be so high for any new takers. They set the price as the same as a private taxi. Its how they try to cut services. Its outragous. No one would ever pay it. I think I already said that. I see it as another example of how I have fell into one of the small groups attacked by the cuts.


Sometimes I walk her to the bus stop, sometimes I run her up in the car if its raining and drop the car back home for wife to use. Had a few second cars over past couple of years. Not flash ones. Just if I see something cheap and the weathers getting bad, buy a car run about in it for a few weeks, sorry this is probably going to p**s people off. Sell it hopefully make something on it. Don't really need a reliable as have a nice mountain bike I like using in better weather or could always call a cab. Used to like playing with cars once now they kind of bore me. So expensive for the new ones, more fun trading old ones from time to time. Maybe thats a skill I want to pass on to my son when he's a bit older, how to spot a bargain car. Make sure wife only drives a decent car though, decent not flashy mind, when shes driving the kids around.


Well we tried living that way but it seems increasingly no one else does, if were not madly in love are we a couple


I've had them before I was married, I don't need to separate to have another.
I don't have one because, I've known people who've died. I wouldn't want my children to want them so I don't have them or talk about them.

Work ethic, Yes wife work ethic isn't same as mine. maybe she's right 'no one dies wishing they had spent more time working' wheres it get you?

Some self confessions , may be youll dislike me even more:

Wife and I do have things in common were a bit too competitive with each other and it can turn to envy. She'd like to be out there earing the dosh, but she never got the education. I like to be as good at home as at work. Thats the modern man isn't it. Cook like Jamie Oliver, never miss a school play. Thing she can do that I cant do is have babies and until they're 2 or 3 years old shes so much better at looking after them, I'm like a wet fish with a 3 month old child. I know why she planned the baby.

That and once about 3 years ago we had a row and she was going to kick me out the house. It was a Friday in summer and spontaneously I took the kids down to Range and we bought a frame tent and sleeping bags and the lot and planned a camping holiday for easter in a couple of weeks. We put the tent up straight away in the back garden, filled the whole garden it did and we camped out there just for fun all weekend. It was real fun. It kind of put things in perspective what she was dealing with, I guess there would be a few women who'd be pretty angry about that and like to post comments about it.
Its probably not thing to have done, we made up later and she came camping too,
We went to Southwald, the camp site by the harbor. Its really great there but she did try to sabotage it just a bit. Kids and I agreed, camping by the beach was damned good fun but it didn't agree with mum very much.

"Well we tried living that way but it seems increasingly no one else does, if were not madly in love are we a couple "

So, as a couple, you intend to blatently defraud the country by "splitting up" and letting the rest of us support your family in the manner in which you've become accustomed?

As a good parent, do you not worry about the example that it will set your children? You say that you want them to go to Uni ..just take a look at the statistics about the number of children who have grown up on benefits - albeit illegally acquired benefits - who do go to university.

Has it not occurred to you that DWP will actually need to see bank account details before your wife gets any dosh? You'd better set up the paper trail now!

Hard_up,_not_happy

coolcait wrote: »

That's a new excuse for getting out of a relationship:

"It's not you, it's the government...."

:T At last, the goverment has a use:T

margaretclare

'The wife would like to work but she never had the education'. This is priceless. I surmise that she is not English - am I right? Well, both of you could read a little 19th century history. Read about the uneducated poets - John Clare and Robert Burns spring to mind. Read about people who went to 'night school' after a punishing day in the industrial revolution and went on to become engineers and entrepreneurs.

My GS put himself through university as a mature student. I did the same a generation earlier. We both worked to pay our way - all right, I was lucky, I got paid a full grant, but I still had a disabled husband and a mortgage. My eldest daughter recently graduated BA (Hons) Classics in her late 40s.

I did IT courses and re-qualified in office work, that was a decade ago. There are all kinds of opportunities out there. There will be a local community college where you live.

More and more we see, the problems are NOT with the government but within your marriage.

Thanks, Ceridwen. I get this first-hand from my eldest GD. Think you have problems OP, she's dyslexic, she's gay, she didn't do well at school but being offered another opportunity - a practical course with an academic component - she's seizing it with both hands.

margaretclare

I'm actually beginning to feel a lot more sympathy with the OP than with the wife. To quote Jeremy Kyle 'why didn't you put something on the end of it?' Response is usually from the no-hopers who frequent his stage 'I dooooon't knooooow...' OP sounds a bit more intelligent than that. He thought his wife was in charge of the contraception. Not so.

'Trust and Respect' to quote my DH. These are essential in any marriage, any friendship, any partnership, any relationship of any kind, and he should know, after 2 disastrous marriages. They seem to be totally absent in the marriage here. How have they stayed together so long when they seem to have so little in common? I am beginning - against my better judgment - to have more sympathy for the OP, the kids, his mother, than I am with the wife.

pearl123

I do hope the benefits system is looked at again. Benefits should be for low income earners. How anyone with such wealth as the OP can expect or want a handout is beyond me.
And as for contraception it does take two. He states he didn't want more children. Did his condom fall off ?

globetraveller

pearl123 wrote: »

I do hope the benefits system is looked at again. Benefits should be for low income earners. How anyone with such wealth as the OP can expect or want a handout is beyond me.
And as for contraception it does take two. He states he didn't want more children. Did his condom fall off ?

If it is true that this person, with several properties, £40000 salary, £70000 in savings can manipulate the system to gain benefits then this is really shocking. He is one of the reasons why genuine benefit claimants are having an increasingly stressful time.

margaretclare

pearl123 wrote: »

I do hope the benefits system is looked at again. Benefits should be for low income earners. How anyone with such wealth as the OP can expect or want a handout is beyond me.
And as for contraception it does take two. He states he didn't want more children. Did his condom fall off ?

I agree. There should be no question of benefits.

I think the OP said he didn't use a condom because he thought his wife was on the Pill. If he was as certain as all that, that he didn't want another child (a) either he shouldn't have gone there in the first place or (b) he should have used a condom nevertheless because there have been numerous pregnancies when the Pill was being used. Not taking it correctly, being on antibiotics, all kinds of things can affect the efficacy of oral contraception. It's better to be sure, wouldn't you say? Amazing how my first husband and I coped, with only condoms, the Pill was only just coming into use and wasn't prescribed to everybody, and a much higher dose gave all kinds of side-effects.

mountainofdebt

Perhaps the title of this thread should read not the govenment cuts have lead us to question our marriage but government cuts have lead me to question our marriage.

The point is OP, is why should you feel obligated to pay for your children to go to Uni - that is if they want or qualify to ? Many parents would love to see thier children enter adult life with no debt but if the parents can't pay the tutition fees then they can't simply.

Also you say that your wife loves the attention that a baby brings her - have you thought that your actions (buying the children's favours etc) are contributing to this?

And as for living in the country - well its all right now ut what happens when the children want to go places with their mates and need the taxi of mum and dad? Are you prepared to do this?