Government cuts have led us to question our marrage?

jetta_wales

SingleSue wrote: »

He could have negated that by wearing a condom, would have made doubly sure of no more babies.

My ex hubby was at one point so against having children that just in case the pill failed (that I took without exception as it kept my endometriosis at bay), that he wore at condom.

Difference is your ex did it just to be doubly sure not because he thought he couldn't trust you to take the pill and not purposefully stop without telling him.

You should be able to trust your wife if she says she is contraception, this isn't a new girlfriend they've been together for a bloody long time now. I've been with my partner for 3 years now but if I was on the pill and he wanted to wear a condom for his own piece of mind in case I decided not to take it then that in it'self would tell me he doesn't trust me. If he knew he couldn't trust her then he wouldn't be in this position now but you should be able to trust each other in a relationship as long as this and not feel you have to cover your own back just in case she screws you over.

Mupette

This seems such a story i am sure Andyflo is behind it or equally another bored troll.

Things don't add up, why would someone like this post on here?

To rub it in?

globetraveller

Mupette wrote: »

This seems such a story i am sure Andyflo is behind it or equally another bored troll.

Things don't add up, why would someone like this post on here?

To rub it in?

I'm beginning to think the same.

thorsoak

beezbonnet wrote: »

Some answers to keep you going.

No I wouldn't pay the £3000, wife is not confident driving in city center, bicycle too dangerous. So Id be driving 14 mile round trip to get to work, mean buying another or more likely paying for a regular bus pass but that would add a lot of time to journey for child. Most likely come to arrangement with other parents in same situation where we share the responsibility.
Point is £3000 is ridiculous its more than using taxis, means they are trying to terminating the service. £300 would be fair.

So why not engage your own taxi service? Far more MSE!

Our house, Its already extended to 4 bed and we have no more space to extend again.

House in country. A might add its near my parents, which is why OH wont move there. My 3 children would love to move there. When I got the redundancy money I had mentioned we could move. I don't want to mention it now because it brings problems. If I were entirely ruthless I could take the 3 children and leave the wife.
I did what OH wanted and got another job locally.

4th child, I was waiting to go for vasectomy at time. Id made it very clear I didn't want more children.

So how long had you been putting off having a vasectomy? If you'd been that dead set on no more children, I would have expected YOU to do something about it, especially if you know your wife loves babies!

OH was supposed to be on pill. I obviously cant tell her how annoyed I was. She loves babies and the attention you get when you have a pushchair and child although she can be overly controlling with the children as they grow older.

Money. We have a lot of money because we don't spend it.

You the best bikes , musical instruments, gadgets, days out. etc, stuff I wanted but never had tv sets, scalectric sets etc etc etc, a whole camping set up - not spending?

If you were brought up in a rural area you'd understand even though property is cheaper its very expensive on a local salary. You move away when your young to seek work and dream of going back.
OH doesn't spend money either. Her family life abroad and can't afford to visit or get visas. It cost about £6000 last time we visited them. She likes us to save for visiting her family. For her part she did take a part time job for a whole and paid for £1000 of it.
What money I spend I tend to spend on the children getting them the best bikes , musical instruments, gadgets, days out. etc, stuff I wanted but never had. We would have normal family holidays but OH thinks its a waist of money and prefers us to visit her friends, and family.

Would I look after all the children not just one at a time, yes I'd actually prefer the kids living with me but we'd all be worse off.

Anyway Financial gripes.

I posted this thread to demonstrate that the cut backs planned are grossly unfair.
Some people are completely unaffected, but large families with a single bread winners and savers are loosing 20% of their net income while others better off are loosing nothing.
The worst effected are single parents with large families and a decent income.

Pensions: Charges and returns on pensions are awful. They are now based on people living till they are almost 90.
After 20 years paying into company pensions I have around £30,000 worth of pension, no more than has been paid in. When I retire pay ot will be ar what 8% pa????



To other person who is on borderline 40% tax with children. If you don't want to pay more into a pension,
you can ask your employer for upto 6 month unpaid leave over first 5 years of your yongest childs life.
Theres an obligation so if you ask for 2 weeks extra leave each year you will be entitled.
Your employer may not be happy but they have to oblige.

The more you read his posts, you realise that they have more holes than a large packet of polos! I think that the troll - sorry OP hasn't prepared his story carefully enough!

Clever though - its taken me quite some time to hear the trip trap, trip trap!

pearl123

I really don't think he is a troll. I think he's a gready selfish man.
He seems to think he's fallen on hard times !!

SingleSue

jetta_wales wrote: »

Difference is your ex did it just to be doubly sure not because he thought he couldn't trust you to take the pill and not purposefully stop without telling him.

You should be able to trust your wife if she says she is contraception, this isn't a new girlfriend they've been together for a bloody long time now. I've been with my partner for 3 years now but if I was on the pill and he wanted to wear a condom for his own piece of mind in case I decided not to take it then that in it'self would tell me he doesn't trust me. If he knew he couldn't trust her then he wouldn't be in this position now but you should be able to trust each other in a relationship as long as this and not feel you have to cover your own back just in case she screws you over.

But the thing is, if he didn't trust her, why didn't he use a condom? My ex hubby did trust me but realised that the pill is not 100% effective, so made sure there was no unwanted babies by wearing a condom (he even disliked condoms but the thought of a baby arriving was worse at that point in our lives)...plus, I had already been told that the chance of actually falling pregnant was a million to one!

jetta_wales

SingleSue wrote: »

But the thing is, if he didn't trust her, why didn't he use a condom? My ex hubby did trust me but realised that the pill is not 100% effective, so made sure there was no unwanted babies by wearing a condom (he even disliked condoms but the thought of a baby arriving was worse at that point in our lives)...plus, I had already been told that the chance of actually falling pregnant was a million to one!

That's the point, he probably had no idea that he couldn't trust her. He knows now though.

viktory

beezbonnet wrote: »

Kids and I agreed, camping by the beach was damned good fun but it didn't agree with mum very much.

I strongly get the impression this guy is working hard on the kids, to turn them against their mother. The expensive gifts, excluding her when they have had a row, plans to move to the country (offers of quad bikes and horses perhaps sweeten the deal). OP is coming across as a serious slime ball.

Oh and the fourth pregnancy excuse - wifey tricked me? Not at all convinced. There is something here that is not being disclosed.

diable

I can just imagine the same type of conversation will be going on in lots of high earner homes,

Husband comes home from work to wife who has done !!!!!! all and watched Jeremy Kyle and Corrie all day on TV

Husband "love I something important to say"
Wife "OMFG you Bar Steward you've been having it off with my sister again haven't you"
Husband "no its worse then that"
Wife "nearly fainting, my Mum"
Husband "worse, I've been screwed by the Government and its going to hurt me but I have to leave you so they can look after you as they don't pay me enough in benefits you wench"

CH27

beezbonnet wrote: »

Just to clear up:


I already said, two houses she cant or is unwilling to live in. I have the house she wants to live in, we would agree to swap she would be getting more value wise.


Exactly its a stupid. The cost is grossly exaggerated. Council want to close the service thats why the cost would be so high for any new takers. They set the price as the same as a private taxi. Its how they try to cut services. Its outragous. No one would ever pay it. I think I already said that. I see it as another example of how I have fell into one of the small groups attacked by the cuts.


Sometimes I walk her to the bus stop, sometimes I run her up in the car if its raining and drop the car back home for wife to use. Had a few second cars over past couple of years. Not flash ones. Just if I see something cheap and the weathers getting bad, buy a car run about in it for a few weeks, sorry this is probably going to p**s people off. Sell it hopefully make something on it. Don't really need a reliable as have a nice mountain bike I like using in better weather or could always call a cab. Used to like playing with cars once now they kind of bore me. So expensive for the new ones, more fun trading old ones from time to time. Maybe thats a skill I want to pass on to my son when he's a bit older, how to spot a bargain car. Make sure wife only drives a decent car though, decent not flashy mind, when shes driving the kids around.


Well we tried living that way but it seems increasingly no one else does, if were not madly in love are we a couple


I've had them before I was married, I don't need to separate to have another.
I don't have one because, I've known people who've died. I wouldn't want my children to want them so I don't have them or talk about them.

Work ethic, Yes wife work ethic isn't same as mine. maybe she's right 'no one dies wishing they had spent more time working' wheres it get you?

Some self confessions , may be youll dislike me even more:

Wife and I do have things in common were a bit too competitive with each other and it can turn to envy. She'd like to be out there earing the dosh, but she never got the education. I like to be as good at home as at work. Thats the modern man isn't it. Cook like Jamie Oliver, never miss a school play. Thing she can do that I cant do is have babies and until they're 2 or 3 years old shes so much better at looking after them, I'm like a wet fish with a 3 month old child. I know why she planned the baby.

That and once about 3 years ago we had a row and she was going to kick me out the house. It was a Friday in summer and spontaneously I took the kids down to Range and we bought a frame tent and sleeping bags and the lot and planned a camping holiday for easter in a couple of weeks. We put the tent up straight away in the back garden, filled the whole garden it did and we camped out there just for fun all weekend. It was real fun. It kind of put things in perspective what she was dealing with, I guess there would be a few women who'd be pretty angry about that and like to post comments about it.
Its probably not thing to have done, we made up later and she came camping too,
We went to Southwald, the camp site by the harbor. Its really great there but she did try to sabotage it just a bit. Kids and I agreed, camping by the beach was damned good fun but it didn't agree with mum very much.

Parenting isn't a competition. It's about what is best for the children.

Stop being so blooming selfish & put them first.
Nobody forced you to have them.