OH's mum keeps buying us stuff!

SuzieSue

I know what it is like when you move in to your own place and you want to put your own stamp on it, however if it was me, I would have been very grateful if someone had bought all the essentials for me when I bought my first place. I had to have some second hand things and it is only recently that people expect to have everything new.

I assume your MIL also didn't have the luxury of new things when she first moved so I think she is just trying to do the best for her children.

However, I can seee that your MIL does seem to be a bit extreme, and doesn't want to listen to reason, so I would personally make the most of it. All the things she has given you will need replacing eventually (things aren't generally built to last unless she has bought you Miele in which case, you are very lucky) and you can do that at your own pace and without getting in to debt.

Yes, you wanted an American freezer, but I'm sure the one she bought you will be fine for a while and you can then replace it when you want to.

Don't get me wrong, I know you and your OH want to be independent, but you aren't which is why she had to give you £20k.

I personally think that you are very lucky to have such a generous MIL eventhough she is so controlling, and I think you should appreciate her more. After all, you were happy to accept her generosity when it suited you.

My mother can be very controlling so I do understand how it feels, but your MIL is also very generous. You should try and talk to her and, as others have suggested, you should see if you can all go shopping together for things so that you can get what you want as well as what she wants. If she won't agree to this, then you have to decide what is more important - having a relationship with her or being able to furnish your house as you want it. It seems to me that if that is the only thing that she does wrong, it isn't all that bad and could be a whole lot worse.

olibrofiz

She probably thinks she's helping you out if you don't have a lot of cash.

My parents were like this, twice my dad came home from the pub saying 'i've bought you a [STRIKE]heap of junk[/STRIKE] car' :mad: They always preferred to buy me stuff I didn't want rather than give me money to make my own choice. After a major strop (theirs) over a TV they thrust upon me, & which I wasn't ecstatic about, they agreed to ask first.

My dad's been gone 8 years now, and mum's improved a lot, but she still gets me the odd thing I look at and think ????? I recall a George Foreman grill that I've never, ever, expressed a desire to have, and which remained unopened in a cupboard for 5 years.

Good luck, there'll be tears and tantrums I'm sure, but don't be like me and look round at your mismatching kitchen items waiting for a reasonable amount of time to pass before you can declare they've broken and then produce your new one, which is the one you wanted in the first place.

kjmtidea

Am I the only one that would secretly love it? I could do with lots of new things, send her my way!

Kimitatsu

As you are engaged why not set up a "wedding list" at a major store somewhere where YOU have picked the designs etc and let her know that is what you have done?

That way she can be involved by getting bits and pieces off it (heck she could even pay for some bits gradually that way) and you get the designs and the stuff that you want.

Sounds like she is overcompensating because your OH has never brought anyone home before and she knows that you dont have your mum any more. Boys are less independant than girls and so Mums tend to look after them a bit more I think.

That way unless you really like doilies you can argue it wont go with the decor!

ViolaLass

SuzieSue wrote: »

After all, you were happy to accept her generosity when it suited you.

Doesn't give the MIL the right to force more generosity on them. It's only generosity if it's welcome, otherwise it's just interference. At the moment, it almost sounds like the MIL is trying to make sure the couple feel bound to her forever.

OP, do write the letter. I had an interference issue with my MIL and wrote her an email explaining that I didn't like what she was doing and why. She didn't acknowledge it but hasn't done the thing since.

cajef

No doubt she is already looking for a wedding dress for you and arranging the wedding, probably looking to book the honeymoon as well.

You never know if you are lucky she may come on honeymoon with you.:D

eamon

To put it bluntly your life is no longer your own. Thread carefully lest you lose your BF & your sanity.

getmore4less

Don't accept anything that is delivered.

Tell her you are breaking up.

Start taking stuff you don't want back to her house.

Ebay

misskaytee

If the mother in law gave you 20k to pay off debts, and help with the deposit, maybe shes got the wrong end of the stick, and is assuming you can't afford to buy stuff for your house :cool:

In my first home, everything clashed!! most was second hand, donated by family members ect, and i was very thankful, money was very tight!

Moving into a new home and getting everything just as you'd like straight off is a costly affair.

I would certainly start accepting any gifts with the phrase....

"Thank you, that will do us nicely until we can afford / find one that will match our planned scheme "

If not, then sit her down, both you and OH, and tell her that you appreciate her generousity but simply can't accept any more gifts from her, and then DON'T, EVER, no matter what it is!...with the exception of B.days and Christmas, if you wish but nothing else.

Sambucus_Nigra

Doilies?

Seriously - your OH needs to sit down with her and tell her to back off!

Doilies? Sheesh.